A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I just wanted to know if I'm being paraniod. My bf and I have been going out for 6 months now, we have a age gap of 10 years, he's 21 and I'm 31. I've got 3 kids and he has none. He cheated on me in our third month, told me the truth about it. I let him go but he came back to me. He's been on his best behavior since then. He said he was confused about who he was. He wasplaying the field a lot when we met then totally settled down when we got together. He's about to be deployed so there's a lot of distance between us. He knows I'm totally loyal but when other troops are having break ups he gets worried. I'm not worried that he's having a sexual affair, I'm worried that he's still talking to some of his old flames on the phone, since he can't seem to lose anyone's #. I'm just afraid he will connect better with one of them while he's away and I'll be waiting for him in vain. he's become so much more withdrawn. What should i do? Am i being blind or just paranoid?
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female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Of course it's impossible to know for sure from this distance. But reading your follow up; you sound lovely, he sounds lovely, and your relationship sounds strong, caring and incredibly well matched.
I think that you stand in the best possible position to make it work through these difficulties you face surrounding his deployment. -I really hope that this relationship works out for you both!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I didn't put in there that he's away for training in a different state before he leaves to Iraq. Intense training all day long till he just wants to pass out. Yes I know there are a handfull of girls there but that wouldn't be something that would intimidate me. He also is one of the most resposible people I know, despite his age. He literally has it more together than I do. When my car broke down so bad that he couldn't fix it anymore he bought me a new one, He used to travel 50 miles to work & 50 miles back just to be by my side after working a 12hr shift. He waited 6 hrs in the er with me when I thought I had a minor stroke. I would like to tell you what he likes about me from his own mouth, I'm real, I don't play games or hide who I am, been that way since day one. I don't complain, find petty things to squabble about or create unnecessry drama. I'm independant, work hard & am not a gold digger. That I was a great mom and still is optimistic in this world that has tried to run me down. He loves that I'm a survivor, That I'm strong. But I'm human too, That's why I'm insecure at times, why I wrote this. After reading your responses, Thank you to those who understand and might be concerned but put a positive spin on it. Thank you even more for those who totally dogged the situation because it showed me how much i love him, with my defenses up it brought back all that he did for me while he was by my side. Made me realize how much he did to make me know with out a doubt that he loved me. I know he messed up, but I got to tell you if I told you guys all the factoring details of why, this would be such a long story. No, I didn't cheat on him. No, there was nothing wrong with our relationship. Sorry for my insecurities after finding another army girlfriend I understand better now about how hard it is for them & for us to struggle through the rough patches with them.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I'd say more often than not, there is a huge difference in a 31 year old mother of three and a 21 year old male. He is at an age where he might want to be footloose and fancy free and you have lots of responsabilities. Be careful.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 February 2010):
He sounds like he has really committed after he made that mistake at the beginning, so I think you might be worrying to much. Keep talking to him, keep listening and make sure you both know you're there for each other, and you'll be fine. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (14 February 2010):
 You are blind if you are not worried if he's having a sexual affair. He gave you a reason to worry, he has such an unstable life. I am 29 with one kid, I feel dealing with a 21 year old is not that difficult. You are lowering your expectations for no reason. You have 3 kids to worry about, he should be the fourth one. You are giving love freely and he is not there to receive it. All you've talking about here is how distant he is. There is no love, no "what do you like about each other", no "how great the relationship is," etc. He needs you more than you need him. Tell him he's wasting your time. He has to grow up on his own and not take advantage of a woman's kindness.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (14 February 2010):
 What will be, will be! You cannot control other's actions. You will drive yourself crazy worrying about what he is doing and who he is seeing.
All you can do is hope for the best!
I am in a LDR, and for happiness and wellbeing, I have to have trust, as does he! Trust, Honesty, and Communication are the keys to a healthy relationship!
~BG~
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