A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my 40's so should know better - but I sent a valentines card to someone I have liked for ages. I didnt sign it and it just had 'happy valentines day' inside it. He may or may not know that I sent it. He is really shy and although we go out together and he emails me every few days - we go out as friends and he hasn't attempted anything further - although I sort of get the feeling he might want to. (he hasn't ever had a long term relationship before) I thought that the card might give him the hint he needs............. but I am now wondering if I have messed things up and will it frighten him off??
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much to everyone for the advice - I really do appreciate all your comments. xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 February 2010):
From a male point of view, he won't be scared off unless he has serious commitment issues. But he will be confused, because now he will wonder who sent it. If you really want to know how he feels, the best thing you can do is talk to him about how you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both for your answers, I appreciate your help. I have asked him out and we have gone out and he has asked me out for dinner (organised it all and paid) We are in contact most days, he emails me every few days and we are always meeting up for lunch, coffee - just no hint of romance.... I am struggling to know how to take it to the next level. Gut instinct tells me that he does fancy me. I know that I should be able to talk to him about it at my age..it just seems such a scary prospect but I will try my best x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): If he doesn't talk to you about the situation the next time you see each other, I think you should ask him how the day went for him... if he received anything or something like that. If he finally talks about the mysterious card, maybe you could follow the flow, talk about the situation and see how he reacted to the card. Talk gently, maybe he will understand the signs and will suspect that was you. I'm not saying he's going to open up and tell you how he feels about you romantically, after all he is shy. Instead, the point is you to see if he understand the signs and if he smiles or feels good about it.
After that, you should try to tell him that was you... if he is shy and doesn't go on relationships, he probably feels a bit down on Valentines Day because he is "alone".
Basically, tell him that you didn't want him to feel alone on that day. Then, it can lead you to two good ways:
- if you see he's not interested in a relationship with you, just make it like just a sweet friendly gesture
- if you see he likes you, go ahead and tell him how you feel.
In any case, I suggest you clarify that was you, because he might think:
- it's a (bad taste) prank
- someone else (another woman besides you) sent the card, and it can lead him to get confused
Either case, you'll probably feel bad and regret the situation you caused.
Anyway, I'm personally very shy and that would be how I would like it to go if I was him. I received a (mocking) Valentines card when I was at school a few years ago and believe me: it's not funny at all, specially when you see others trying to cover their smiles an giggles. It can get a little paranoid to digest the situation and can lead the person not to trust people for a long time. In case of a very shy person with low self-esteem, those type of things can eat someone's mind for years.
In conclusion: be sweet and tell him that was you. Best of lucks to both. ;)
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 February 2010):
 In 2010, a 40-something young lady can take the bull by the horns (so to speak!) and ask out this man on a proper date. Valentines cards send out messages that can be misconstrued...he may not realise it was you who sent it, he may think you are just joking etc. You have enough life experience at your age to work out if there is a chance he fancies you or not. If he has got to your age without a long-term relationship it sounds as if his dating skills are not functioning so well and need a helping hand from you.
So just sit him down and tell him you would like to go out and see what happens. If he rejects you then it is no loss because you seem a bit smitten with him and wouldn't have settled for friendship only long-term anyway. Pluck up the courage!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Well, first of all he has got to figure out that you sent the card. To be honest I think the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel, and that way you will know one way or the other.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Wait and see if it brings it up see if the card makes him excited that someone send it to him if it appears he is OK with it and being he is a shy guy then you can then hint around to him that it just could be someone that really digs him YOU and just go from there.
Feel it out and see if he brings the card up in conversation.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): This strikes me as a really shy guy. A "take no risks" kind of guy.
If you want anything to happen with him, you need to speak up. He's not going to act on the valentine's card because
a) he's not 100% sure it was from you and
b) he's not sure as to what exactly were your intentions behind it (i.e. "was she just being friendly").
Get him some chocolates and take him on a real date, waiting for him to make a move is going to get you nowhere.
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