A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:My daughter is 14 and she is dating a 17 yr old. I've known the boy for 4 yrs and I also know his parents well. They are a very Christian family. This is her first real relationship. I make sure either I am with her or his parents are with them 99% of the time. The rest of the time they are with a group of friends. I like the boy and the two of them are very happy. Seeing them together makes me happy. The problem is my husband does not approve of the age difference. This is the first thing in 23 years that my husband and I have disagreed on and it's become a very difficult situation in our marriage and household. I don't know how to deal with him/this situation. My daughter and I were in tears last night over the whole thing.
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female
reader, bankaccount  +, writes (13 November 2010):
i think that your husband is just being protective because he still sees her as his little girl so i am sure he will come around in time..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): I agree with you, you have made this as good a situation as possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I understand that you trust her boyfriend and his family. However, your daughter is 14. If she was 17 and her boyfriend was 22, then your husband may be more accepting.
The age gap is distasteful since she is still very very young. Think of it this way, she's one year older than being 13. She probably hasn't seen or experienced as much as her boyfriend has even if he is Christian.
If the guy really loves your daughter, he'd wait. Besides, I think a 14 year old girl has other things to focus on than a boyfriend. Telling by the age, she must be a freshmen in high school and her boyfriend must be a senior (ready to go college might I add). This boy's feelings can change once he goes to college.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I have to agree with your husband. At that age 4 years is huge. She is only a young teenager and he an older one who would get teased by his friends for dating a girl that young. I question what a boy that age wants with an 14 year old girl.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 November 2010):
 It seems as if you are the one who's involved and experiencing their happiness, where he's on the outside looking in. Ask him if he is implying that you would put your daughter in harms way, or can he have trust in your opinion? As a parent, it's hard to realize your little girl is growing up. I'm in that same position with my daughter, actually 3 right in a row. I trust my girls. I trust I taught them to make good decisions. He needs to step back and see how well your daughter has been taught. This is also important if he wants to continue or have open communication with her, where she'd feel comfortable going to him if she did run into a problem. The more he keeps the leash tight, the more he'll sever that relationship. That would not be where he would want to end up. I've worked with people who've destroyed their trust and relationships with their children, and once the damage is done, the trust and relationship will never be the same.
I hope everything works out for you all. Take care.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I think the age difference is an excuse. How far apart are you and your husband in age? 3-4 years is typical.
I would venture that the real problem is that he isn't ready for his little girl to be dating and growing up. He also knows that teenage boys are very very horny, and that despite efforts to insure otherwise, he doesn't want his little girl giving up her innocense just yet.
Hopefully your husband can realize that his little girl is growing up, and that his overprotective nature will only drive her away. Also, making someone forbidden fruit makes them that much more appealing.
I wish I could give you advice in how to reach your husband on this, but I really don't know how. Do you think if he met this boy's parents it might help? Do you think the age difference is his real problem with this relationship?
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