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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I are very much in love and very open in talking about our sexual past, although I tend to ask a lot of questions and she does not. I know she feels a bit uncomfortable talking about detail, so I don't ask too many questions, but I admit I am curious. For me, knowing someone's past makes me more comfortable about who they are sexually and as a person. Honesty opens up a relationship to me. She has said "ask me anything you want", but makes it clear she won't volunteer information. Fair enough, but I want to ask very specific questions, mainly ones that revolve around quantity and quality. I would like to know which guy in her past (I know about all of them...there are 4 others) was the best sex, second, third, etc, and which she had sex with the most, second most, etc. Even which was the biggest, smallest, etc and what she liked about each of them...sexually and otherwise. Some things she's already shared, and I am just as open.I don't feel like I'm being insecure, and the knowledge doesn't make me jealous...I'm really just curious. But I wanted another perspective in case I'm being a bit obsessive, insecure or just wierd. For a woman who is fairly open talking about her past, what is generally a limit where you would say "OK, that's enough"?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): Yeah you are crossing over into "too much" territory. The questions aren't way too much individually but all that together is a lot. Once you have gotten curious its hard to ever hear ENOUGH. You will keep feeling like just a little more info will satisfy you. But it usually won't keep you satisfied for very long. Pretty soon you will wanna know just a little bit more. And more, and more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): You want to know who was the biggest the smallest the best, who she had more sex with. who was the best sex???? Really dude...That you know who they are and how many they are is enough..Whats with the intrinsic detail???...Do you really want to know or you are just trying to chart yourself against these guys?? and if in your opinion you fall short with one of them then what??? You start to obsess and compare??? The truth is you are being insecure and the some of the information you require is bordering on childish who was the best sex 1st, 2nd 3rd??...By the way what she liked sexually about them is not for you to know....You start to make mistakes thinking she like this with him why doesnt she like it with me, Blah blah blah....Every relationship is different and sometimes what you like with one guy you may not enjoy as much with another guy or better still you may discover something new you like even better than what you use to like before....This knowledge aint going to help you....This is a fresh clean slate and you both need to discover together how you gel on this palate...Knowing this unecessary information may make you start bringing the past into the present or worse an echo of the ex to the bedroom......Who needs that??? They are ex's for a good reason....What, do you want to now create some kind of virtual competition in your head with them????...Why not concentrate on asking her what she likes now(mind you what she liked before may not send her as crazy as it used to)......What am I saying? Her current likes and turn on and best is what is important and that is currently you....Why are you trying to create insecurity?? Or should I just say I suspect that you are a tad bit insecure....I dont blame her for not wanting to speak of as she is wise enough to sense how this can cause all kinds of trouble
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 You love her and you want to know all of that? I've always believed that the past is the past for a reason, and it should stay that way...IN the past. I would never want to know these details about someone I loved, EVER...I'd be turned off and wouldnt be able to bang them for weeks. Maybe I'm just a weird person?I say just move on and stop asking these questions, how is this information going to help you or your relationship? Your penis won't get any bigger, knowing that all 4 of her other boyfriends penises were way larger than yours is just going to make you depressed... and what are you going to do if she tells you "Johnny, my second boyfriend was the best sex I ever had!!" are you going to call him up and ask him for advice?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): If a guy asked me to rank my former lovers on a scale of 1-10 or from best to worst, I wouldn't feel really comfortable answering either. I'd have the same feeling if asked questions concerning penis size or any other questions that deals with ranking men or making superlatives. She might refused to answer, not be because these questions are personal to her, but because she senses these questions don't come from a genuinely curious place in you. From reading your post, I get the sense that you are extremely competitive with other men or at at the very least, extremely insecure. I might not have answered those question because I literally don't know the answer. I don't go making bar graphs of people I've slept with. I can only imagine you want to know these details so you can compare yourself with these hypothetical male competitors and perhaps know how you rank against them. If she's clamming up about it, it's likely because she doesn't want to indulge your narcisissm. Asking general questions abour her feelings for her previous partners, even things she liked and did not like is fine. Asking her to rank them is tacky and demeaning to her and to her memory of them.With all due respect, if she's with you now and you are happy with the relationship, that's all you really have to worry about maintaining. If she has no STIs and she has already told you the basics of her previous sexual experience, I don't know why you would want all these personal details.
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer  +, writes (25 March 2011):
When my partner and i started dating, i asked her some of these same questions. Many years on, i still ask her a couple of questions.And no, i do not have issues with my confidence.Most folks want to know a bit about their partner's past. I mean, i think it is ok to ask but, don't pose too many questions.
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female
reader, kaykay1989 +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Honesty is great don't get me wrong but some questions can be very awkward. What is in the past is in the past and I dont see why the question about who you slept with most and ranking them is something a girlfriend would want to discuss in to much detail with a current partner. I think if she is an open person she would rather you ask her about what she desires wants sexually with you rather then what she wanted with a ex as that would be completely irrelevant to your relationship now.I know what you want to know is quality and quantity and what it was like with her ex's but somethings i think she may rather forget then let you know all thenitty gritty details.So please don't make her feel any more awkward then what shes feeling about it. Forget it and enjoy the now and the present time that your having together and along the way you will get to know what she prefers. xoxox
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (25 March 2011):
Do you reckon someone is going to give you the right answer. I mean there are so many answer as people. If you take a look around you will read about a lot of different experiences. In fact, what really does matter is what your girlfriend thinks about this. And you should talk to her about this as open as you talk about sexual past."But I wanted another perspective in case I'm being a bit obsessive"Is this the first time you talk that much about your girlfriend's sexual past? I mean, how did you do with your previous girlfriends? For the first part of your question I thought you had experience talking about sexual past in previous relationships. In that case you should already know if it's normal (for you) or you are getting insecure about this.I don't think discussing sexual past with your current parter is a good idea in general. Of course there is a lot of people who talks about this and everything is fine. But I guess most people doesn't feel like talking about this too much.
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