A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I need some perspective on this, as I am in far too deep emotionally, and I have fallen for him hook line and sinker.I really like him, I think he is an incredible man, but am I just bashing my head against a wall with this?:We email all the time, long random missives about every possible subject. We text, good morning, goodnight, hows your day, hope you are ok, lots of xxx on the ends. He sends me songs, that have very heartfelt words. We can chat on msn for hours at a time, flirting. He always makes me turn to jelly when I am near him, and we flirt terribly, with some very non-subtle hints being dropped. He ALWAYS catches my eye and gives me a little knowing smile (I melt). I get all flustered being within 10 feet of him. We get on so well, its like we are two peas in a pod. He says he really, really likes me a lot, and that I am one of the few people who actually understand him. We have a chemistry that I cannot explain, and have never felt with anyone else.BUT we have never been out on a date.Am I reading all this totally wrong?
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Do what charlie p tells you to do...tell the guy how you feel. You have two choices here, tell him and you'll find out once and for all if he feels the same, or you don't tell him and continue to suffer, obsess and go insane. You say you don't know what to do...tell him!! It won't be easy but what do you have to lose? If he doesn't feel the same you won't be worse off than you are now...but if he feels the same, you won't be going insane anymore. Either way, the only thing to do is to tell him.
Wish you luck :)
A
male
reader, charlie p +, writes (4 October 2009):
If you rejected him before, that's probably why he isn't asking again. Not that I'm saying he blames you, but he probably assumes you'll reject him again so you can't really blame him for it!
So lay all your cards on the table, and see what happens! It sounds like that's exactly what he's wishing you would do!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2009):
He wanted you before and he's still sending all the signals that he wants you now. You have to talk to him, or you'll never know. Be brave, take a deep breath and tell him how you feel. :) lots of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is that in the past, he has tried to make a move on me on more than one occasion. BUT I was too young, and insecure in myself and I brushed him off, even tho I ached to be with him, and wanted to say yes with all my heart. I didnt feel I deserved to be with him then (I was a chubby teenager and had very low self esteem). I have never felt the same chemistry with anyone else. I was scared of the intense feelings I had for him at the time, and still do, they have only deepened and grown. And now I have grown up. And now I regret not grabbing him when I had the chance all those years ago. I still feel the chemistry, it has never left me. I am just so scared that I have blown any chance of being with him because I was young, stupid and insecure.
I am a total mess. I just dont know what to do. This is not just a passing crush, as it has been going on for far too long. I love him so much.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2009):
Then tell him how you feel. You'll never know what he thinks otherwise.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (1 October 2009):
Have you ever kissed him? Been physically intimate with him? At this point I can see how you would fall for him but I think you need to make a decision on what to do here so as not to waste anymore time.
The way I see it, if a guy is interested in taking things further, dating you, making you his girlfriend, etc...he will make a move, he will ask. The fact that this guy's doing all these things but has never asked you out tells me that he just doesn't see you in that light. Sure, it's nice to email, chat, text and all that and him telling you he likes you means nothing considering that he's not putting those words into action.
If I can tell you one thing it's that actions always speak louder than words. With men, don't ask them this and that, watch their actions and you'll know. He surely enjoys what he does with you but it seems that's all it is. Don't you think that any sane guy who wanted something would have done something about it a long time ago?
If I was you I'd tell him how you feel and ask him what he thinks. See what he says. You're wasting your time and being in this limbo hoping and not knowing. The next thing you know he'll tell you he's seeing someone and you'll be left wondering what all this was about. If he can't handle you telling him how you feel and what you want then that's his problem and just means he doesn't feel the same way.
I had a friend who flirted with me for years, sent me long-winded emails, songs, photos, etc...but never asked me out (he even hinted at us being a couple many times). At one point I couldn't take it anymore so I told him how I felt and all he said was that he doesn't feel the same. So there you go. Stop wasting your time, ask him how he feels and if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings you can move on and find someone who does.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Hard to say. Who is he? How do you guys know each other? Friends? School? Work? How old is he? Paint a picture for us, then we can help you better.
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