A
female
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anonymous
writes:My ex bf broke up with me and hurt me really bad during the relationship. He broke up with me because he was too impatient to wait for sex. I wouldnt have sex with him because I didnt feel he respected me and I had a feeling in my gut that he was only with me for sex so I decided to hold out to test him, but also because I would only feel comfortable having sex with someone who I was in a committed and loving relationship with. Anyway so he gave up fairly early on with because of that. He threatned to break up with me during the relationship numberous times(I guess he was trying to make me scared so id sleep with him), and eventually he went through with it. However a month later hes saying he regrets breaking up and he realises now what he had and he knows he didnt appreciate me for who i am and misses me and wants me back. He says things will be different this time he swears. The thing is, I just found out that during the time we broke up he had been sleeping around casually with all these different girls (I found this out from his friends and some of the girls themselves ,they told me and my bf made sure to brag about his "conquests" on facebook too). Now I know we are broken up so he can do whatever he wants and i am fine with that but if he wants to get back with me, then it becomes my business. And i think it just shows how much he cares about sex rather then me. If he truly cared about me why would he go and sleep around?
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male
reader, Danza  +, writes (13 January 2010):
I don't think you should write him off just because he was horny. He's only human, and that means two things. First, he's going to be horny. Second, he's going to make mistakes.
It's very possible that what he thought he was looking for was sex. After breaking up with you and sleeping with these other women, it's also possible that he realized it wasn't what he was yearning for.
Too many people wander through life trying to find ideal, fairy-tale love, but in the real world, love is more often than not fought for, tooth and nail. My dark family secret is that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother when they were still young, and I'm sure you can imagine how much it devastated by grandmother. But this year, they'll be celebrating 53 wonderful years of marriage, with 3 kids and several grandchildren.
In the end, only you can judge whether or not this guy is sincere. Nobody here can tell you that, so you'd do well to ignore every idealist bash from people who suppose to know this man inside and out based on a simple block of text. Listen to your gut and your heart. If your heart says you love him, and your gut says he's telling the truth, take him back. If not, then move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
This guy isn't worth one second of your time. You were right to trust your instinct. Pat yourself on the back for seeing through him and find a good decent guy who'll respect you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Wow! I like this poster. Anonymous Australian female, you were brilliant!!
Despite temptation and pressure, you trusted your gut instinct with this boy. You remained true to yourself, even if it was difficult sometimes, and you were proven right! You did not allow him to manipulate you. You respected yourself enough to have a higher standard with regards to your sexual partners.
I'll be honest with you. If you'd had sex with him, it wouldn't have kept him. He has no loyalty to anyone but himself, but you already know that, don't you?
I recommend you continue to trust your instincts. He hasn't changed, and he won't. He isn't worthy of a young woman of your calibre and I REALLY mean that.
Soon, you and your girlfriends will be laughing at him and you'll be asking yourself what you ever saw in that boy. ;-) How tacky and small that he would "kiss and tell" all over facebook! He had sex with those girls and completely broke their trust, soiled their reputations and displayed his outright lack of respect for them all over the internet, for the sole purpose of boosting his reputation with his friends. YUCK!
Enjoy his regret. Savour it. You deserve it. And continue to trust your instincts about him.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (1 October 2009):
You got away from this jerk once, I'd stay away. He attempted to manipulate you and odds are he still is... to people like this life is a giant chess game. He's still moving around the board attempting to get what he wants.
STAY AWAY, and find someone who appreciates you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Don't take him back, he's a loser. He was just looking for sex and now that he got some he wants to get back with you in hopes that you'll probably sleep with him next. There are much better guys out there and you deserve better. Good job trusting your gut and not letting him pressure you into anything. Tell him to get lost, he had his chance and he failed. I'm sure that if you did take him back he'd start wanting sex again and when you said no, which i would hope you would do again, he'd do the same thing and go off looking for sex somewhere else.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 In every relationship, the first building blocks towards intimacy and sexual intimacy (two different things), is trust and confidence.
Until you know for certain that you can trust your partner, and he can trust you; you can't become more intimate emotionally. Without that connection, sex is just that. Sex.
You're entitled to have a meaningful sexual relationship with a man. Not a convenient one for him alone.
You're right in how you viewed him, and appropriately held out on him to see whether he was interested in you, or just sex with you. Its obvious he was screwing around on you, and had no other interest in you other than adding you as another notch on his bedpost.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): You are absolutely right. He doesn't care about you for any reason other than sex. You *were* absolutely right to listen to your gut and not give in before. You know what's important to you -- that sex is something to be reserved for someone you are sure is into you for you, for your mind and thoughts and what makes you special.
Don't have anything more to do with him. Pat yourself on the back for dodging a bullet because you had the sense to listen to your inner self. There are good guys out there, and he is *not* one of them.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 I am so glad you didn't give in to him, be proud of yourself for that. You are right to say that he only wanted sex from you, because that is really the only thing he wanted. From what you've said I don't think he treated you that well while you were with him.
I know that you're hurt and I know that it's hard to believe that someone we care about doesn't care about us. What you have to realize is that he doesn't respect you, care for you or have your best interests at heart. What you need to do is to cut off all contact with him and never look back, not even to talk to him, reply to a text, email or anything.
You need to get him out of your life. Otherwise he will hurt you again. Him sleeping around and then coming back saying he made a mistake is just a lie.
Because you still care for him you might believe him and take him back but I can tell you right now that he will hurt you again. You need to be strong and you need to tell yourself that you deserve much more than this from a guy. You deserve someone who respects you and cares for you enoough not to push you into anything and then break up with you over something like this.
I really hope you can just forget him. He doesn't deserve you. The longer you keep going back and forth with him the longer it will take to meet someone who genuinely respects you and cares for you.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (1 October 2009):
 He would like you AND SEX. But if he can't have you AND SEX, he will pick sex over you. So, you two are not compatible. He has ALREADY failed your test. Taking him back now would be a moot point. He will probably not be able to go without sex long enough for you see that he is loving and committed. (Which he has already shown he is not). And at this point, after what he did, how will you ever again be able to trust him? You need to just let this one go. It was already ruined when he broke up with you.
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