A
female
age
41-50,
*rinR
writes: My sisters block me out of there lives. I am in the middle my older sister and I are 18 months apart and my younger sister is 6 years younger than me. My older sister has disliked me since birth and my younger sister was so much younger than me, I played with her a lot when she was little, but I left for college when she was 11. I have tried with her but she just pushes me away. Here is a little back story. My older sister flipped when we moved when she was 8 and hasn't gotten over it and she is all most 30. She really hasn't been nice to me since birth and shut me out completely when I was like eight. I really don't know what I did.I have very well managed Bi polar disorder. For those of you who don't know if we take our meds and go to a therapists we are just like anyone else. Anyway my lil sis was around to see me when I wasn't stable. I went to the hospital 4 years ago and checked myself in because I kept getting thoughts about killing her. It freaked me out because I truly didn't want to. I credit my love for her for getting me better and well. She sees it as I am the reason I was in the hospital and that I actually wanted to do it. I understand where she is coming from though. She is 21 and uneducated about my illness. She just doesn't get it. I have tried to explain to her that I never actually wanted to do anything to her, that it freaked me out that it kept popping into my head. Since then she and my sisters have gotten really close. They are planning on moving in together with my older sisters boyfriend. My older sister is seemingly relishing in my younger sisters rejection of me. My lil sis does not talk about her feelings much, doesn't like hugs or spending time with me. When we are all together (like on a vacation) they always sit next to each other, close the door in my face if I want to watch a movie or talk. Whine to my parents like little kids that I am bothering them when I am not. It has been like this for years, even befor I got sick. I try so hard to mend things with them and explain to them that I had no control over things that I might have done, that it was not a choice to act the way I did. Nothing has worked. I call them and they don't pick up or call back. They reuse to see how well I am doing and how normal I am now. They still see me as sick. My older sister has no excuse for her behavior. She was long gone and not present the whole time I was sick.She never even called to check in on me when I checked myself into the hospital. They do not recognize that through therapy I have actually overcome everything. I think she has shut me out for so long that she doesn't even notice anymore. I am at a loss and I just want a simple nice pleasant relationship. I would settle for a call on my birthday, being present at my graduation, maybe even letting me participate in their "spa" nights. I am at a loss. What can I do. Please don't tell me it is up to them now because everyone says that and I have waited 4 years for them to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): I know how you feel, I don't have sisters but I do have brothers and they have done the same to me. In my case I know it is because they are jealous as the eldest is 20 years older than me and the youngest is 13 years older than me and they feel that by being born I stole something from them. Fact is I tried for years to be accepted by them and nothing worked. I talked to them, tried to be nice, and even now at family functions when they can't exclude me I be civil to them and they won't even do that. Sometimes you have to just accept that they are immature and won't ever treat you any better. Now I have had to learn that they are never going to accept me. It's hard and it hurts like hell, but all you can do is try to talk to them, tell them how you feel and if that doesn't work let them go and live your own life and try to find your own happiness. I know how hard that is, and I feel for you because you love them, but it will only get you down and make you feel worse to continue like this. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 July 2011):
 What I would do is a final conversation. Get them together and have a serious heart to heart talk. Explain exactly how you feel, explain anything you feel they may not understand, put it all out there. It'll basically be like a closure conversation. You will say everything that needs to be said and know at that point that they understand where you are coming from. If they continue on as they are, that's it. There is nothing else you can do. And it will be completely up to them if anything else happens. As another said, you cannot make them send you cards or invite you places. The best you can do is have a last heart to heart and put it all on the line. Atleast then you know they have no excuses for their behavior, you opened up and made it known you want them in your life. Once you do this conversation, if nothing changes with them, you cut them out of your life. Don't keep trying to keep them around, they make you feel worse. If you must see them on family occassions, just be civil. It does suck because it is family, but I have done it with my father so I know how it is. And I also know how freeing it feels to not care anymore, to not let their hate control your life. When you do all you can and they are the same, you realize it is not your problem. You are an open caring person and there's nothing you can do to change other people. And atleast you tried. They can regret it later. But that's my advice anyhow, try one more time and leave it alone completely if there is no change.
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A
female
reader, iiSparkle  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Hello,
I am truly sorry to hear about the situation that your sisters have put you in. It can never be easy, having family ignore you and completely shut you out of their lives. I know you don't want to hear it but, ultimately whatever you do or whichever steps you decide to take, it'll always be their decision as to whether or not they wish to speak/embrace you.
Now, by saying this, you shouldn't be put off and give up. If you really want to make amends, which it genuinely seems like you do, sit down with your parents and sisters and tell them how you feel and what you want to achieve. Things will not happen over night, take small steps at a time, take them shopping, or whichever activity they enjoy. I know, it's unfair, you're trying a lot and they're not bothering but you gotta' think positive.
I know, you've waited for four years, it's hard to think positive, always hoping and thinking that soon enough they'll greet you with open arms only to have your hopes up. People are just narrow minded and uneducated nowadays, only thinking about themselves.
I know that they are your family and so forth, but you deserve better than this, you've managed to pull yourself together and get therapy, surely it's time for them to get their act together too. You shouldn't dawn on the past too much, look forward to what tommorow brings you.
I hope that all goes well for you.
Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): They are not even worth your attention. I know a similar case..long story short.. a sister and a brother are being hard on their younger sister. The younger one lives in Canada but her siblings in Europe..they are so cold..they never called her when their father died.. she found out months later from an acquaintance.. I mean can you imagine ? Then the older sister wrote the young one a letter back in 80's and asked for money for the funerals which would normally be $200 at the time, but she asked for $5000 (with that money she could of bought a house in east Europe at the time). The younger sister did all the work and chores around the house, while the eldest ones nothing. Not all siblings will get along..some one who can't get over some small thing that happened in their childhood have mental problems and need help.. You go on live your life and cut them out. I promise you one day they will regret it...for now they will only come when they need money or help..and those kind of people are not worth it..even if they are family
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