A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have this ex girlfriend who's gone completely raging psycho on me. I mean, completely off the deep end. We broke up about 3 months ago, but she is still expecting me to treat her like she's my girlfriend and that's completely flustering to me. She calls non-stop, and when I don't answer her phone calls or call her back, she thinks I'm ignoring her (which at this point, I am), which sends her into panic mode, which in turn, causes her to call even more. She called me 11 times today!! and when I didn't call back because I was out with friends, she called our mutual friend crying about how she was going to kill herself because she's so lonely and that nobody likes her. So I feel obligated to call her back and talk to her after that. So we talk, and I tell her how flustered I am by this, and that all I want is to just treat her like I treat any of my other friends and for her to stop freaking out. She begins screaming and crying about how her life sucks again, and how she wants to end it all. This is becomming practically a daily occurance.All I want is some space to be left alone for a while!! That's all I want. No phone calls, no emails, no nothing. Just space but I feel like if I tell her that, she's going to completely snap. Sshe's 100% dependent on me, and it's stiffling. How do I handle this kind of irrational behavior??
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female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (22 January 2009):
 She knows that her tantrums and threats keep you on the run.
Stop answering her calls and definately don't call her back. She may be getting mixed messages from you even though you yell and scream at each other.
You have to get out of this destructive ex-relationship. Tell someone (a friend or family member) about her suicide threats and then make sure you don't have any contact with her. You are an EX boyfriend and are not responsible with what she does with her life.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 It sounds like she has some other issues behind her behaviour and your break up was proabably the final straw for her. You are actually doing the right thing by wanting to get some space between the two of you as this is the right thing for her (even if she cant see it).
If she is threatening suicide then you do have to treat this delicately. You need to contact her parents or her closest friends; tell them the conversations you have been having and that you are very concerned she will harm herself. If they are aware then they can look out for her rather then you having to do it. Once they are aware of the situation, tell the parents/friends that you feel it will be best for her to cut off contact for a while to give her space to get over the end of the relationship. Dont tell them you are cutting off contact becuase you are fed up of her - this will just sound selfish even when you are not being at all selfish.
Once you have dealt with the parents/friends then you need to deal with her. You need to call her one last time and tell her that you are really worried about her and still care for her but your relationship is over and that you both need some space to move on. Be honest with her in a friendly and caring way, make it very clear that you will no longer be in contact with her and that the phonecalls must stop otherwise you will change your phone number.
At this point she will probably get very upset and go through the same routine as before; but I'm fairly certain that she wont do anything to hurt herself. It is all talk really just to keep you in her life; she is desperate to cling on to you and will say anything to keep you around. You need to be firm with her in this conversation and once you hang up, thats it. You cant answer any calls, even if she leaves voice mails saying she will kill herself.
I imagine the behaviour will go on for about a week, maybe two after your last phonecall. After that she should give up and start relying on her friends and family for the support she needs. She clearly needs to see a therapist or get some kind of help, and it is not your place to do this so dont feel guilty.
I hope this works and stay strong! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, haydenlh +, writes (22 January 2009):
I think she full of crap. I would change your phone number, don't read her emails, and tell you friends if she calls to not answer. She will get the point and move on.
If not, have her committed lol.
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A
female
reader, carriebaby +, writes (22 January 2009):
 You need to meet up with her and tell her straight. tell her that you are NOT her boyfriend and she needs tog et a grip, she is acting like the best defination of a bunny boiler. ok she may be hurt because your relationship has come to an end but it came to an end for a reason. What i always say is that you cannot be friends with an ex if there is still feelings there.
Emotionally blackmailing you is not the answer. If she really is depressed and says will kill herself then maybe she needs to speak to a doctor. You need to be firm with you, whether she likes it or not. You cannot live like this.
Good luck
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