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female
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anonymous
writes: Since having a colposcopy exam about 6 months ago ( which i found particularly distressing) i have found sex (oral and penitritive) very painful, to the extent that the strss and nerves that i feel before hand are totally putting me off sex. prior to this my husband and i had a healthy sex life. how can i calm down and de-stress so that i am not so tense and enjoy sex again?
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male
reader, iamsoscrewedup333 +, writes (20 April 2006):
GO TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!! with exams such as this, any discomfort should have gone away long ago.
A
female
reader, Softie +, writes (19 April 2006):
 Hi, I cannot tell from your post whether it's painful physically or just very stressful. So, I would first like to say that if it's painful physically, please go back and see the OB/GYN. If it's more mentally, I think the experience of this exam has traumatized you. The thought of having intercourse or even oral sex reminds you of the exam and seems violating to you and your body. Here is what I suggest:1. Make sure your bedroom seems relaxing and comforting. Use warm and romantic colors in your bedroom to create a warm and loving atmosphere in your bedroom.2. Talk to your husband about why and what is bothering you and it's affecting your sex life. Let him know that you need him to work with you to overcome this.3. Take things slow. Re-establish the idea in your mind that sex with your husband is about love and is not meant to be violating. Set up dinner dates with your husband. Have a little bit of wine or whatever low percent alcohol you desire after you are both safe at home and not having to drive afterwards. Try hugging and kissing first to set the mood. Make sure you feel very loved and romantic from all this before moving onto more physical contact. Once you feel ready, try caressing with and/or without clothes on. This doesn't mean it has to be oral sex, but all over your body. Try a feather or silk fabric on your skin. Again, make sure you feeling very loved and romantic before moving onto more intimate actions. This process may take awhile, but it will be worth it when you reach your goal.4. If you do not have an exercise plan if your life already, try incoperate one into your life. Exercise can help relief stress and tension. Drink plenty of water and less coffee as well. Caffein can also cause you to be more tense. If all else fails, try counseling. Obviously, there is something to overcome and if you cannot do it yourself, get the professionals to help. I hope this helps and things get better with you and your husband.Softie
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (18 April 2006):
It does sound strange that 6 months after the exam, you can't even enjoy oral sex, which is not penetrative.
I would agree with the other person who says you should visit the doctor, to check that nothing else is wrong.
However, I would also suggest you don't get overly obsessive about sex, but focus on get more physical intimacy with your husband, e.g. through massage, through gentle hugging and so on, without thinking "oh my god, I don't want sex" and just get comfortable with this first - if you can get really comfortable, then you can take it a bit at a time.
Does your husband understand how you feel, and is he willing to be loving and accept that right now sex is difficult for you?
Also, are you sure there is nothing else going on? Is there something about your relationship which means that you don't want that kind of intimacy with him. If so, you need to spend time working out what it is, and talking with him about it.
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A
female
reader, Dilly +, writes (18 April 2006):
I had a colposcopy exam (they open the cervix and add a dye to see if the cells are abnormal and then may take a biopsy - the whole procedure lasts about 15 minutes. They then may need to laser off the dodgy cells but the procedure is very common and doesnt hurt)last week and havent suffered at all. If you are finding things painful after 6 months, then I would head back to the doctors and get myself checked out as this should not be happening. Could it be that its due to you feeling so stressed and nervous about it that is causing the pain. This exam is very tiny and should not be affecting your sex life at all. I really suggest going and talking this over with your doctor, see if they can find out why this is happening.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (18 April 2006):
 Can you tell me what this exam is?
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