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male
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anonymous
writes: Im in love with my best friend. I was goin out wi this girl over a year ago, but i broke up wi her cos i didn't feel much towards her and just wasn't ready for a realationship at that time. I know she realy liked me and i hurt her, i acted like a jerk when we was going out, then i dumped her on valentines day. After we broke up we remained friends and talked all the time. Shes now 1 of my closest friends, i feel like i can tell her anything. Now over a year after we broke up i've fallen for her. Iv told her how i feel and asked her out, but she says she just likes me as a friend. Iv felt like this for bout 4 month now and it isnt getting any easier. I really do love her and i've never felt pain like this before, part of me thinks i deserve it for being such a jerk when we went out. I can't carry on hanging out with her and talking to her hoping she'l change her mind. I know the only way im going to get over her is to stop talking to her but i cant not have her in my life. What should i do?
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female
reader, Mariels +, writes (21 April 2006):
I have just been through a similar thing recently. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have just broken up. He is a bit younger than me and couldn't handle certain things that come when a relationship gets heavy i.e. the mortgage, financial worries etc. He just wants to go out and have fun. I have let him go, after he told me last night that he didn't love me the same way he used to. He was crying and saying "Can we still be friends"? In time, maybe we can but at the moment we can't. We both need space to get our emotions and our lives right. Of course there are still some feelings there. He is really cut up about us not remaining friends. It's too soon for that because we have just broken up and there are issues to sort out. He's really cut up about us not remaining friends, but I think he will end up like you and your situation if we do. I am being cruel to be kind because he needs a clean break. I am sorry to say it's an awful situation you are in and the transition from 'lovers' to 'friends' is never easy because there are so many high emotions. Maybe you do need to break away from her to sort your head out for your own good. I feel that because you both don't want the same thing right now, if you try to remain close your feelings will become more intense and this might drive you both apart in the worst possible way. Give yourself some air and back off a little bit, but don't resent her because she has done nothing wrong. You need to sever that emotion so that your 'friendship' can be properly defined, so that you know where your head's at. You never know, she might start to admire your maturity if she can see that you can manage your emotions and that you are stable. In good time, if it is meant to be, this could bring you back together. But not right now. Sorry mate, but I wish you the best of luck xx
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female
reader, x_pixie_x +, writes (18 April 2006):
 not talking to her isn't the way to go about it. i think you should keep on being good friends, i think you should have a guys night out and see if you meet someone.
good luck xxxxxxx
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