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writes: I need some help in trying to work out my gay ex (21) who I have just split from.I am 33 and we split two months ago after five great months. He has met someone else but says it is not working as he planned.We have talked about the possibility of getting back and he says he is thinking about things.Anyway, at mid-night over Easter he called me late at night and he exchanged several texts. But the minute I asked him if he had thought about getting back he just didn’t reply.I told him he was the greatest boy I had ever met and that I would contact him when he comes back from holiday but he didn’t reply.He rang me the moment I was thinking about him but it seems when I mention “the” question he goes all cold and does not know what to say so he just does not reply.He has gone away on holiday now for a week and I said I would call him when he gets back. Should I bother or should I now wait for him. It’s a horrible situation to be in as I love him dearly. He says we could have a happy future together but getting him on the question/or out for a drink is difficult.It is such a shame as I think we are almost there and he is almost within my reach.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): He is taking you for a ride as he knows that you'll always be waiting for him, and he is taking advantage of that, which is wrong. In short it seems as though he wants a friend with benefits however without the emotional baggage.I know its hard, believe me, i know, but you need to move on, It's hard because we think, "I wish i had one more kiss one more hug, one more night of passion, emotional stability" Its hard i know... but you can't live your life waiting for him to call you in and say, "Right I'm ready for you" you are worth more, and this is a pattern.He is taking advantage of you as he always knows that you are there, but fails to think of what he is doing to you emotionally.Don't call him when he comes back... you are doing all the chasing, he isn't doing anything for you but prolonging your pain and discomfort.Turn this around and see who goes after who."absence makes the heart grow fonder" perhaps this will make him see what he has lost, but Greg, i recon that if he really did care for you genuinely he would be with you, and not leading you on with false pretencesAll the best and be strong.**
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): It seems like this bf of yours likes to talk and say things but his behaviours and actions state otherwise. One thing I learned years ago...discern a person's true feeling by their behaviours. Personally, his actions are telling me he's hedging. I realize you love him and want to be with him but...you cannot make someone love you. All you can ever do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to him. If he's not seeing that right now..then you need to get on with your life. Get out and enjoy your circle of friends and don't dwell on this. By dwellling on this and always contacting him, you could be appearing needy and clingy. Leave him alone. He knows where you are. Good luck, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): I recently broke up with someone myself..I was and still am upset and hurt over it..I tried more than a few times to get the person to talk, tell me how they feel, go out for a drink..after about the 10th time..I read something on this site that was so true..and almost to blunt for many to handle , but it helped me move on..If a person loves you, cares about you, ect..they want to be around you number one..and number two they care how you feel, not in words, but in actions..so they would not lead you down this path that is hurting you. people know what they are doing to someone else and if you love someone truely, this wouldn't happen
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