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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have been crying for a week now and I have just started to cry again now I am writing this note.I have been with a man for the past 5 years. In the first couple of years, I did not take the relationship too seriously. However, he went away to work and I missed him like crazy and went to visit him abroad. Unfortunately for me, I became pregnant but was half way through my training contract to qualify as a solicitor and I therefore had a tough decision to make and I chose my career over having a child. It would have been his first child and my second. He was quite distraught but stood by me. For that I respected him more and began to give him my heart. We started planning our wedding for between Feb and May of next year. He didnt have a job but was working on my house (which we were planning to live in together) and I was the breadwinner now being qualified as a solicitor.over the past 6 weeks, he was very worried about his father who was ill - suspected long cancer and said that he needed to go away to see his father as he had asked to see his children. I supported him and provided him with teh funds to go. The day before he left, we celebrated our 5th anniversary of being together.He then left the next day. The last thing I said to him was to tell his dad to hang on in there till the wedding. I then never heard from him so I canned 2 days later to see if he had arrived alright. He said yes. I was upset that he didnt call so I got angry . He said he would get a calling card and call me and I said I wasnt going to hold my breath. A week then two went by. He was due to return and didnt. I called the day after he was due to arrive and he said that he wasnt coming back and that he couldnt bring himself to tell me when he was leaving. he said that he didnt want a relationship and wanted to be on his own and look out for his family. he went as far as saying that he was going to get the number changed and the phone then cut off. I left it until yesterday when I called but only spoke to his sister who said he felt insufficient not working and me being in such a career. this also frustrated him. In a nice way, she was saying get over it but I can't as I believed it was so real and right. Help.
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female
reader, jacqui  +, writes (30 October 2006):
Any break-up is hard and this one is especially so, I agree with the others advice, don't contact him, he needs to work things through for himself. Don't even attempt to understand in matters like these men really are from Mars. Get yourself a good support network, friends, family etc and concontrate on you and your child. Take each day as it comes and I promise you the feelings wont last forever. Take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, Evangeline +, writes (30 October 2006):
 Despite being really upsetting, this must seem like the strangest thing that has ever happened to you! Having said that something similar happened to me last year and I know it is not that uncommon for men to just get up and go out of the blue one day.
He sounds like he has been very down lately - understandably because of his father; lots of pressure do make some men react like this. If for some reason they feel like everything is getting on top of them, they decide to cut something out of there lives just like that and it is always the women. However this is only true of some men and definately not all of them! There are plenty of men out there that would think this is a odd as you do.
Your finding it so hard to get over it and understand it because of the abruptness (the fact that you had been together for 5 years and had a very close relationship goes without saying!) Him leaving you so suddenly with very little explanation is a shock for you and it is understandable that you will cry a lot and find it hard to cope with it for sometime.
I am sure that this is nothing to do with you or your relationship, I am sure it is mainly to do with him (if it was mutual some sort of confrontation would have occured), he may have even ended things with previous girlfriends like this!
I do think that his behaviour seems to be particularly cowardly - it reflects his nature and although it is a horrible experience that will take time to get over; hopefully in time you will be able to see things for what they were.
I would not try to get in contact with him - it'll make things a lot worse (even though it is very tempting!), spending time with friends and family is a good idea - even if you dont feel happier with them and they are simply comforting you, it will make you realise that you have got people who are there for you and dont run away. Please dont try to 'work out' his behaviour in your head, its not logical at all and there is no reason behind it. I hope you feel better soon and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel!
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A
male
reader, jack23 +, writes (30 October 2006):
 I am sorry to hear that things have gone this way. Unfortunately there are people that will let things get them in a relationship and not talk about it.
I think it is apparant that it will only get harder for you to get in contact with him. Obviously this is going to be hard to deal with but will help you to get over him. If he is willing to get up and just leave you like that, I believe that its better u know now so that you dont waste anymore time on him. You can find someone who will appricate you and who will treat you properly.
Now would be a good time to spend with friends and get out abit more, do different things. U need to keep you mind busy, just thinking about the situation is only going to make it harder, you need to keep youself busy giving yourself less time to think about it. Someone else is sure to come along and most prob when you least expect it.
I hope this advice is of some help :)
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