A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has struck up an email relationship with a widow with a son of 16years because 'he felt sorry for her'. This has been going on for several months. They write pages to each other every few days. He has told me the gist of their emails - harmless chatty conversation so that i know of her existence. Now he has said he would like to invite her to come and stay for a few days. Without his knowledge, I have read the bits of the emails he missed out - they are sexually explicit and obviously they are planning to have sex when eventually they meet, (and maybe involve her son). So far I have managed to create excuses why she cannot come but they have arranged another date in July and also to meet when my husband goes on business trip in August. I do not want to confront my husband or for him to know that I have seen the emails. How can I name and shame him or her without it leading back to me? suggestions PLEASE
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): There is a time and a season in life for this kind of melodrama, I suppose, but I personally don't have time for it in my own life. If I discovered that my significant other whom I lived with was conducting this kind of affair, I would pack his suitcase for him and show him the door.
If you want more drama, then by all means play games and make things worse on yourself by wasting energy and time trying to shame or defame the two of them. For my money, I'd show him the high road and never look back.
A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (10 June 2009):
To bad you can't "out" her, it worked very well in my situation.
Stop blaming yourself for this situation. I'm sure that you do or you would of stood up to him and confronted him about the affair.
People who cheat are weak liars with low morals, and you deserve better than that.
One other thing that I don't think anyone has mentioned are STD's. Eventually he'll find a way to meet and sleep with her, then he'll be exposing you to any number of diseases. Especially since the woman he's with is widowed. She was probably married for years before her husband passed and now that she's on her own she's probably out sexing up any guy that will have her. So imagine how you'd feel if one day it burns when you pee? Or even worse HIV or AIDS?
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (10 June 2009):
 I am sorry, but I don't understand your dilemma. You have read his emails, and you can't un-read them now. He has lied to you - these are not everyday, normal chatty convesations between a man and a woman. They are sexually explicit. Your husband wants to have sex with another woman, in your house, and under your nose.
And what you are saying is - you don't want him to know you read these emails?
That should be the least of your worries. Pretending that you know nothing wont make the issue go away. You have to have the courage to confront that issue head on.
And the issue is that for months, your husband has been cultivating a potentially sexual relationship with another woman behind your back.
Firstly, tell him you want to read all about her. You want to know EXACTLY who is being invited into your house. If he won't let you read anything, ask him why. He really won't have an excuse. Do not let her come to stay.
Secondly, ask him if you can go with him on the business trip, saying you would like to spend more time with him. See what he says about that.
Thirdly, before you do any of the above, PRINT THE EMAILS as evidence for yourself, and for the future. Keep 2 copies. Keep them in a safe place.
If he continues to lie, do what Honeypie suggested, and highlight parts of his emails whilst calmly confronting him with one of the copies. If he still wants to invite this woman, I think you know what you have to do.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): That s.o.a.b of your husband sorry if it offends you but i hate when men think we are stupid! you are a women and you deserve a good man wo treats you well and apperantly he is not even interested in your feelings. I give a thumbs up on that person who said to print out hte emails and hilight them thats a good idea of making him realize that you deserve respect. Its totally disrespecfull what he is trying to do other men would at least take their affair somewhere else but your husband is so rude to try to take her to your house @#!*&! crazy man! and yeah ring that lady or email her tell her that you hope she knows that he is a married person and what type of person she is if she knnows hes married and still planning going to yoour house wha next your going to have to cook for them while theyre on your bed! once again maam sorry for expressing myself like this it just upset me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Personally ( I have been in a similar situation, jsut not a stranger but husbands ex-wife) I would print ALL the emails out. Then I would sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel that he is cheating on you.
Now he may tell you that it is harmless, that it's not serious, that he would never.. blah blah blah.. you get the idea.
Then have every sexual detail high-lighted and hand them to him one by one. Tell him, HOW would you feel if that was me writing some other guy.. writing this, or this? hand him some of the explicit parts.
He needs to man up and be honest. If he keeps lying then what? Sooner or later, no matter your excuses he will try and have sex with her. Yes, it "might" be just a fantasy, but it is obviously hurting your feeling.
Then you need to ASK yourself what you want. Do you want to stay with this man?
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 You're seriously okay with your husband having an affair with another woman right in front of your face? I think that it's a bit rediculous that you would allow this in the first place! Tell him to stop, you don't appreciate their relationship and you don't want them to meet. They're going to involve her son when they have sex? That seems reaaally reallly wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): its unlikely you can name and shame him without him knowing you have read the emails. cant you discover them by accident?
This really needs addressing, if you do not find away of naming and shaming, then just confront him, after all what he is doing is very wrong and whether he knows you read the mails or not is besides the point. How dare he do this, and invite this woman to your home. Id think whether he is worth keeping if i were you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): ring her? Write her an email?
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