A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I could really use some advice from people who have tried online dating. I'm new to it so perhaps I'm not too familiar with the standard way of doing things. Like I said, I met him online a while ago actually, and since then we have talked online almost every night. Yet, he won't ask me out and I don't understand why. I don't get what the point is of talking online everyday yet not taking it to the next step. It seems like a waste of time to me. But the thing is, he says we should meet and hang out, yet he won't set a date. Am I just a penpal? I don't understand. So I took matters into my own hands and decided to ask him out for coffee and asked him to name a day that would work for him. He said he would get back to me as he wasn't clear yet what his weekend plans are which is understandable. Yet, it's friday and he has yet to let me know. But between the time I asked him out and now, we have talked for hours. What do you think is going through his mind??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I had a similar experience of a man who emailed for nine months and didn't want to meet up, and when I asked, said we were internet 'buddies'. I didn't understand why he was on a dating site in that case.
I would contact some others, and not pin your hopes on this one.
A
female
reader, dijoyful  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Yes i've tried internet dating, it was very hit and miss, but never bad, even though i made initial contact on the site with a man, i always made sure we met up after talking only for a little while. Have you tried suggesting talking on the phone, if he is shy then this would be a less scarry step to make before meeting in person, not only that you would get to hear his voice which should give you a better idea of who he is. If he refuses to speak on the phone or keeps putting it off then i suspect thats his not all that he has told you and is probably in a relationship already. Trust your instincts if alarm bells are ringing, prehaps its time to move on to a more willing date. I found that meeting your date in person as soon as possible is the best way to get to know him, which saves you wasting time and energy on someone whos not suitable or not what they said they are. Any man who really is genuine and looking to date will want to meet up and move things forward. Its a learning curb, don't give up because there are a few gems still out there.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (24 September 2010):
 REad these two books "Why men marry bitches" and "He's just not that into you". When I was 23 I was waiting in a bookstore for 3 hours waiting for my date to arrive, he'd text me that he's an hour away. We'll it took him three hours, so while I sat there I read the latter book. Had I taken its advise, it would have saved me ALOT of grief (not getting used by a guy who only wanted sex, for example). REad these two books, they'll clear things up for you - how to expect to be treated by a man, the red flags and so on...
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A
female
reader, beautiful life +, writes (24 September 2010):
Can you reach him by phone at differet times of the day? or is it only at night. He may be married.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I think he's scared. I think that he is afraid that after meeting him in person you won't want to talk to him anymore. He probably is quite shy and awkward around girls. Online he feels comfortable, but actually meeting in person is a step he probably doesn't feel ready for.
I think that you should reassure him that you like him and are a little nervous too, but you really want to meet him. That may help get him motivated.
Another possibility is that everything you know about him is a lie, and if you meet in person you'll see who he really is. He could have given old pics, or pics of other people. He could have lied about his age. Hell, "he" could be a "she" pretending to be a "he." That's one of those things with online dating.
I think my first assumption is probably the more likely one though. I know lots of very socially awkward people who are completely different when they are online.
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