A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I proposed to my fiancee a couple of years ago. We are fantastic together and I couldn't have wished for a better lady. We planned the wedding and started paying it. So far, we have managed to pay half the costs. Then, late last year, I lost my job due to the credit crunch/recession. There is still £6,500 to pay on the wedding and we cannot afford it. The bank offered us a loan last week and then changed their minds the day after! We don't know why, they wouldn't tell us. I've tried to ask my parents if we can lend the money and we will start paying them back as soon as I find a job. They flat out refused and said they don't mind helping us set up house (we rent at the moment) but they don't want to play out that much money for something that is only going to last one day and therefore is a waste of money. My fiancee's parents have already contributed some money towards the wedding. My fiancee has been in tears ever since my parents said no to our request. She's devastated, so am I, and it looks like the wedding may not be going ahead and we have wasted thousands of pounds. My fiancee said that if she has to go to her family and beg for the money then she doesn't want my parents there as it is clear that they do not want the wedding to go ahead. My parents have always maintained that they adore my fiancee but they have always been a bit funny about our wedding. I understand where my fiancee is coming from though. Is there anyone that can offer any advice on the situation? I don't want my fiancee to lose her dream wedding and I think my parents are being very unreasonable. Can anyone offer any advice? I can't bare to see my fiancee in tears any longer.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (19 February 2009):
 As you have said there is a credit crunch at the moment, you could probably save a fortune by eloping, or just inviting less guests.Weddings are so expensive considering you are paying for your distant friends and relatives to get drunk and moan about the buffet. I think Gumbbo has the right idea, but I would talk to your fiancée and maybe encourage her that the "dream wedding" may have to be edited down a little bit.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (19 February 2009):
 Hi. Will your parents adopt me? LOLGumbbo had the perfect solution on sharing costs for wedding and house. I wished my parents have the means to do what your parents offered to do for you. If and when I get married, When I was in college, I always dream that my wedding would be a small but intimate affair with only close friends and relatives present. With our money saved plus money that would have been spent on a big wedding (which I would not like to have anyways) we would have liked to put it as deposit toward the house/flat. So after the wedding, we can have a bigger/longer reception/party all day at our new house/flat! It will be a "progressive party", with differing times/hours written on the invitation so that the house/flat can accommodate the guests. How cool is that? LOLSelf catered foods, probably even pot luck for those who want to contribute to any foods and beverages. After all, like SatinDesire said, it is the marriage that is celebrated not the wedding per se.Will it be romantic? Undoubtedly. Will it be fun? Positively. Will you be a proud home-owner? Absolutely You will be exhausted though, hosting a party that would last 8 hours LOLIs your deposit with the wedding organizer still good for a scaled down wedding? If it is, would you rather have a smaller wedding but a secured house/flat than have a big wedding but not a home owner for 10 more years?Good luck with the affirmation of your union!Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): I think your fiancee is being very unreasonable. Your financial circumstances have changed, and therefore the wedding plans need to change too. It is very kind of your parents to offer to help you when you buy a house, especially considering the size of deposits that banks need these days. They are being sensible whereas I think your fiancee's reactions are based more on the emotional side of having the big wedding and all that entails. If you have paid half and still need £6500 then you seem to be spending a crazy amount of money considering that you are renting and don't even own your own house. I can completely see where your parents are coming from when choosing where to help you out financially. However, I also see that you are in a very difficult position between your parents and future wife. However, if she doesn't want them at the ceremony based on the fact that they are not lending you the money for a very expensive bash then she is being completely unreasonable and needs to start being realistic. Has she got any idea how much a mortage costs? I understand that you do not want to waste the money that you have already spent, however can the plans not be scaled back? I would hate for my parents to have to pay for half the wedding, even if I was going to pay them back in the future. I'm afraid your fiancee needs to learn that if you can't afford it then you can't have it.
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A
male
reader, gumbbo +, writes (19 February 2009):
It's not unfair of them. I have actually sat and though about this for a while. They are looking at this from a very practical point of view. They are telling you they will help you buy your own home! How many parents do that? Why not let her parents help with the wedding then yours with the house. I bet yours end up spending more! And explain this to your fiancee. The wedding might well be top of the list at the moment, but when it's all over what will you have? Your parents are offering to do a lot more than you realise, you need to look at it that way. And let them come to the wedding even if they don't contribute. It will be a lovely day and you will have a lot to look fwd after thanks to them! Your fiancee won't be complaining when she is redecorating her own home.
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