A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfly85
writes:Hello everybody, I don't usually do this sort of thing but I am currently in despair over a break up with my ex. Me and my ex broke up in February and I have been in upset since. We were together for 5 years and although we had our upsets we were still very much in love. However between us we did have alot of personal problems individually. I struggle with PTSD which has only been diagnosed recently. This put strain on our relationship but somehow we managed to get through it. He had problems with social anxiety which also at times was hard to deal with. However, we were very close and supported each other through these problems. The main problem at the end became his gambling. He would lie to me, shift blame, call me names whenever I seemed to catch him out and at the time I almost started to believe that it was all my fault. He would lie endlessly about money and like a fool i would sometimes believe him. During a blazing argument over him gambling on line, I finally left him. I was just so angry with him. However after that anger had subsided I decided that i wanted to help him through it and i also thought that my depression had become too much to handle and that I was to blame too. He had begged me to come back that week and I said i needed time. However after this he told me that he was not in love with me any more. This hurt. And it still does to this day. To make things harder during the months we have split up I have since found out just how bad the gambling had got. Boy had I been fooled. Every gamble I knew about was alot more than he had told me and since we broke he has spent thousands. He has almost lost his house three times, his job and possessions. I care about him so much and i want to help him but I am just in despair about the break up at the same time. He expresses to me that he loves me very much but that he just does not love me as a girlfriend any more. He also expresses how he desperately wants me to stay as his friend and how he is scared of not having me in his life any more. I am just so confused with it all. I really am struggling with the break up yet I really want to support him at the same time and i just do not know what to do. Now his gambling problem did spiral out of control when he started taking dopamine agonists which are well documented to cause gambling addiction.. so i know it may not be his fault. He liked to gamble before he took those.. so you can imagine what he is like now. He also started on anti depressants not long before we broke up to help with his social anxiety. I do not know if these contributed to the break up but i know he is sure that he is not in love with me any more. Have any of you been in a similar situation to any of this? I want to be his friend so much but at the same time I just know that i will secretly always be wanting him back. I just do not know what to do.
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a break, broke up, gambling, money, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (25 June 2014):
 He may want your friendship, but this addiction comes first!
A
female
reader, Butterfly85 +, writes (25 June 2014):
Butterfly85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it cruel of him to express how much he wants my friendship?
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A
female
reader, Butterfly85 +, writes (25 June 2014):
Butterfly85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply guys, you are right. I do need help to move myself forward from this situation. I will be moving away soon to focus on my career.. I have a big opportunity awaiting for me. I also am getting support in regards to my own depressions. I just feel for him. Do you think I should just walk away? It is so difficult.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (25 June 2014):
You want to "save" this guy, but it sounds like you need saving yourself right now from some pretty bad decisions.
Mark
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Hi Butterfly,
You can be there for him when he gets help, but you can't help him with it. It is something that a counselor must be involved with.
I have friends who blew thousands of pounds, lost family members and even their job because of addiction. In that situation you do begin to lie, to cheat other people and to become a green eyed monster.
However all you can do is offer comfort and someone to talk to. I would suggest counseling and then he has to see it through.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): The things you described are pretty much deal-breakers, so despite your best intentions, I'm afraid you wont find what you're looking for anymore.
Also, you sound to be very much in need of help at this time.
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