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female
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*lyxf
writes: Hey people, first post on here. I'm 17, going to university in september to study veterinary medicine. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 8 months and having sex for bout 6 months... few weeks ago we had sex in the middle of my cycle, without a condom. We usually use them because I'm not on the pill. My periods now late, haven't done a pregnancy test yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant (getting a test done this week, but I know they aren't always right....) because of changes in my body etc. Basically what I'd like advice on is where to go from here, and if anyone knows how to go about arranging an abortion and what it involves. Any advice is really appreciated, as I'm really scared *blushes* Love Alyx
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female
reader, uonlyliveonce  +, writes (13 May 2006):
 like you im 17 and recently found out im pregnant. an abortion didnt even cross my mind, my parents are very supportive and i love my babys father very much.i know its going to be far from easy and i will have to make plenty of sacriices to make it work but thats what im willing to do.my family is against abortion but i belive its a hard enough decision for a girl to make without anyone else giving you their opinion on whats right and wrong. it your decision only you know whats right for you and the rest of your life. Think about things carefully if you decide to keep the baby its not the end of the world things will be more difficult but you can still acheive whatever you want to nothings impossible, this was easier for me because i have a suportive family i understand things arnt the same for you.if you feel an abortion is the right choice for you then thats what you should do just make sure its deffinitly what you want and not just what your boyfriend wants. your not a bad person if you have an abotion you've just made a responsible decison that your not ready for a baby.and no its far from unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to go with you if you chose an abortion, you didnt do this on your own it takes two and the least he can do is be supportive and stand by you.
A
female
reader, lea22dc +, writes (29 April 2006):
Awwwhh!!! I was hoping you the test would come back negative as well. I understand that you feel that you're too young, I had my first at 14, and it was hard, but I had alot of family help and support. It's not too much to asked him to go with you. It wasn't too much for him to help you make that baby. I've heard from friends it's a very emotional experience, you need him there to get you through it. He should be more than willing to help you in any way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): i am usually against abortions but i think you are wise to deal with it earlier on than before it gets to late as you seem to have a exciting future infront of you. im the same age as you and fell pregnant when i was 16 in the middle of my exams. i did think about an abortion but decided against it. i am now a proud mother of a perfect little boy who was 1 last tuesday, i am expecting another in june and i am happily married. i am so happy and cant stop smiling. do what is gonna make you happy, not others!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, I thought I'd let you know about my experience.My girlfriend whom I met a few years ago had a termination when she was 17, a year before she met me.What happened to her will stay with her forever, BUT, she knows that she made the right decision.She was with an unsuitable boyfriend (his reaction was to make her have an abortion - hardly supportive - and not who you'd want as a father of your child)She is now 21, she has a good career, and she is free to do what she wants in live. She now has added strength knowing that when she does decide to be a mother, she will be able to provide properly for her child, and to be a much better mum than she would have been the first time round.I hope you have support of people around you. Just remember you're decision was the right one for you, and never let any one elses opinion about abortion affect you. All the best, Alyx.
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Hiya, I think that your boyfriend would want to go with you, and you will need his support. Its his baby as well, I'm sure the whole pregnancy is just as shocking for him as it is for him, I think he would want to support you. Its something you have both been through together and need to see it through to the end together. My boyfriend came with me when I had an abortion and I'm so grateful, I know we did it together..
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Hi again
Well I thought I would ask all the questions in my last message to you to see how much you have basically mulled over already.
I wanted to ask about adoption but I am just like you, I could not give up a child after carrying it for 9 months and then going through the childbirth as the wrench would just be too much to bear.
I can totally understand where you are coming from with all the lack of support from your family, it is a very scary time for you at the moment and as this is not a planned pregnancy it is also a major shock for you.
I honestly didn't realise about your genetic condition and I wasn't trying to be condemning in any way. I think condoms in the future is definitely a must but also talk to your family planning clinic to see what other options are open to you as you have said that the pill and the morning after pill are not suitable for you.
Your gut instinct is pushing you to an abortion and that is most definitely your choice as it is your body and only you can make that final decision. I appreciate the fact that your boyfriend thinks it is the right thing to do as well but you will be the one that will have to deal with the emotional impact so please talk to counsellors at the abortion clinic first even if it is over the phone as I think the more you understand about what you may experience afterwards you can try and mentally prepare yourself as much as possible. I am not for one minute thinking that this would be easy or that you can dismiss it under the carpet after the event but just talk it through with perhaps an abortion helpline or something first eh!
I don't think it is unreasonable for you to want your boyfriend with you when you go to the clinic as distance should not be an issue when it comes to supporting you. If he loves you then he will not find it a problem and you need him right now more than ever. A friend coming with you is one thing but you share something much deeper with your b/f and for your relationship to go on and stay strong, you need to be there for each other whatever the circumstances.
Keep talking though and everyone is here to help you.
BFN
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female
reader, alyxf +, writes (23 April 2006):
alyxf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went to a family planning agency and the tests they did came back positive. Just hasn't quite sunk it yet, 'cos though I suspected I was pregnant, I really hoped I wouldn't be.
I don't really think adoption would be an option for me, because once my babies born, I'd be too attached to him/her to be able to part from them, and I'd always wonder if they was being taken care of and how they looked etc.
Unfortunately I have a genetic condition that means by taking the pill or the morning after pill I increase my chances of suffering from blood clots dramatically, but I'm definitely gonna make my boyfriend wear a condom or something in future because I really don't wanna go though this again.
Its my gut instinct to have an abortion, and my boyfriend feels the same way as we both feel we're too young to support a child.
My family also would not be supportive of me if I did decide to keep my baby, which I know for a fact, because my 16 year old cousin is currently pregnant, and they have practically disowned her. :S
Another kinda related question is, my boyfriend actually lives approx 2 1/2 hours away from me, and if I do decide to have an abortion, would it be unreasonable of me to ask him to come with me? Obviously I could go with a friend....
Thanks for everyones advice :) Love Alyx
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female
reader, lea22dc +, writes (23 April 2006):
Did you do the home pregnancy test or did you go to the doctor? You said it seems like ur pregnant, does that mean the results were positive?
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (22 April 2006):
Well at least you know the truth now so no more if's or buts. Have you confirmed it with your GP or clinic yet?
Is the abortion your gut instinct or the father to be? So your young and ready to go to University which is a massive step too.
If you do decide on the abortion and I have said about your emotions and possible depression that you may experience which is like the others have said, my sister still regrets her abortion to this day and she has 3 gorgeous girls now.
Will you be giving university everything if you are feeling low, that is the question you need to ask yourself. I realise hindsight is a great thing but can I ask why you didn't get the morning after pill to play safe. Also whatever you decide about this baby, you need to think about long term contraception for the future, so you need to get as much information as possible at a later stage once you know how you are going to proceed.
Have you considered adoption if you don't want to keep your baby instead of abortion? I don't know if that is something you could do as all the emotions build up inside of you once you are carrying a baby and feeling it move.
You will always hear that a baby changes your life forever and that is so true. They don't come with manuals and the freedom you once enjoyed is not always as available. Having said that you don't stop living either. You see a lot of young mum's near where I live and they seem happy enough. Life does not stop if you do decide to keep your baby and you will get help. A baby is also a blessing and I could never imagine my life now without my little girl as I thought for a long time that I may never be able to have children as I lost an ovary due to 2 large cysts strangling the ovary when I was 15 and after being told million to one chance of it happening again, I had the other ovary reconstructed 8 years later due to more cysts.
I think you do need to confide in family and friends which ever way you decide as you will need all the support you can get as it is a stressful time right now.
Don't feel ashamed either as it is so easy to fall pregnant and whilst perhaps the what if's could have been different it is here and now you need to think about.
It all depends on your inner strength and that is what is going to get you through all of this. You need to dig very deep inside and get yourself mentally strong.
You are young and so your life is still stretching out ahead of you so with all so many words of advice, the one person you will need to listen to at the end of the day is yourself. What do you really want to do?
Always here to listen so you are not going through this alone OK.
BFN
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female
reader, alyxf +, writes (21 April 2006):
alyxf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionResults back (finally did test today) and it definitely seems I'm pregnant. Scary! Thinking about going for abortion, but any advice anyone wishes to give me would be great :) Love Alyx
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (21 April 2006):
Hiya Alyxf I just thought I'd tell you something that might help. I've had an abortion (I make no secret of it, because I don't feel the need) So I could give you first hand advice of it....
I don't want to go into detail until you get the results back, make sure you let us know!
What I will say is do not take it lightly! You might be thinking now.. oh just quick visit to the docters to get my little complication sorted out... best thing to do... only way forward... I can't have a baby at my age.. etc. etc. You might not have a roller coaster of emotions BEFORE you have an abortion, but I'll tell you know you'll be more than likely to have them afterwards (every girl I know that has ever had an abortion is affected by it)
What I'm saying is if you are pregnant for the love of god, DO NOT be naive about it. Having a baby will change your life dramatically, therefore you think oh I'll have an abortion then, BUT that will also change your life dramatically, mentally, it will affect you! When the docters say you are at risk of depression, they are not lying!
I had my abortion and I was fine about it. I was just too scared to have a baby... As soon as I came round from the op I just felt kind of empty, straight away, I didn't know how to feel, the next night I was watching T.V by myself and I just burst into uncontrollable tears, never stopped feeling sorrow since, but its a weird sorrow.. You won't know it unless you're in the situation....
Just think about it before you do it and prepare yourself properly! If you are pregnant you will have life changing decisions to make and it won't be easy- get all the advice you can - get all the support you can, if you don' prepare yourself to feel emotions than they will shock you when they arrive.
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female
reader, alyxf +, writes (16 April 2006):
alyxf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for helping :) ill update when ive done a test, but dont think i can do one till my periods late.... few days to go :S anyway, thanks, much appreciated. alyx x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2006): Follow what the other responders have advised and all the best! As long as you feel it is the right option no-one can doubt you on your choice to abort (if you are inded pregnant).
Good luck x x x *BIG HUG*
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Get test done and go see your local brook advisory centre for young people, they will give you all the confidential advice you need for now and in the future.
you will also get advice on contraception and can have a health check up.
your partner can also get advice.
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male
reader, Highland Help +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Very sorry but I gave you the wrong website address that is an American one. Try this for the UK Site: http://www.family-planning.org.uk/ . You will find lots of advice as well as where your nearest clinic is. Good Luck and try not to get caught out again - please start using proper birth control.
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male
reader, Highland Help +, writes (16 April 2006):
You can get lots of advice from the Family Planning service run by your local health service. They also have a webiste: www.familyplanning.org . I do not have big beliefs about abortion one way or the other and because this was not planned you should try and terminate as soon as possible in the circumstances if you are indeed pregnant. I too would advise that you get on a more reliable form of Birth Control because what you are doing is too risky and you may ruin your chances of follwoing your chosen career as well as risk having a child you do not want.
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female
reader, lea22dc +, writes (16 April 2006):
Ok, the important thing is not to try to stress yourself out to much until you know for sure. Stressing before you actually know could cause you to have all the signs of pregnacy and you're not even pregnant. Morning sickness, nuasea, headaches, mood swings and it even can prolong your cycle. SO try to stay calm, prenancy test are pretty acurate now a days, get a double pack and take the a few days apart or you could just go to the doctor. I really don't know too much about abortions, im not for them, but I'm not going to push my beliefs on you. I've known a girl that hasd 3 abortions, they went fine and she was able to have another child. Then there's a lady I know that had one something went wrong and now she can't have kids. But there are the same consequences with pregnacy. But I can tell you this, after I had my scare, I was dumb enough to keep having unprotected sex and got pregnant a month later, so if your results are negative get on birth control, ASAP!!! Oh no more unprotected sex.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (16 April 2006):
I think OK so you feel pregnant but until your test has been done nothing is certain. If you do one then get yourself to your doctor or local clinic and have it confirmed by them as well as that is the only true test as well.
If it is positive, the clinic/doctor can help with giving you advice on abortions and depending on if you are in the UK or abroad, there is normally an abortion support service/helpline. Check out your local phone directory as well for the official abortion services.
If it is positive you also need to ask yourself about the emotional feelings that an abortion will have on you as they do last a lifetime. I have never had an abortion but my sister did some years ago and it has haunted her ever since and she was older than you. She almost had a second abortion but when she found out it was twins she couldn't go ahead with it and it was her fiance who later became her husband who pushed for both abortions.
I have suffered a miscarriage once in my life and even that really plays on the mind now and I now have a 5 year old daughter.
Do make sure you are doing the right thing for you and also make sure you are ready emotionally. If you have good friends and it is confirmed that you are pregnant, you will need your friends or family - maybe a sister or brother if you can't talk to parents.
Don't be bullied into an abortion if you don't one, if you do then make sure you are ready to handle it if you have to have one.
I am sure you will get many more answers to your question from aunts who have had abortions and can help you more than I can but I wish you well and try not to stress too much right now. Get the facts first and then think about the bigger picture but give yourself time as it is early days right now and you need to be ready for you.
BFN
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