A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no plans of moving out It's getting too painful because he can only see me during his work hours which means they are times when our plans fall through because of unexpected things that might come up during his work hours. -He has never taken me on real date -he ignored Valentine's day, no card no "happy Valentine's day text nothing I want to end it but I'm afraid I might not find anyone else.I've always been not so lucky in love and have hard time attracting suitable partners. I have always been single.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 February 2018):
 I had a feeling your meet up's where purely sexual that is why I asked you. You got involved because you thought he was ending his relationship, but still you don't just jump in to sex with a man, you get to know them, allow them to take you out and date you. Also never date someone until they are completely single. He made excuses to you and you bought them.
He has no feelings for you, he uses you for sex at lunch that is all. I know that is hard to hear but it is the truth. You need to aim higher for yourself. Don't allow any man to use you for sex.
The best thing to do is stop meeting him, tell him you are not going to allow him to use you anymore. You do deserve better. You say you have no luck with men, but maybe that is because you give them to much and ask for nothing in return. If you offer a man sex he is not going to look at you as girlfriend material he is just going to see you as someone who is easy and who is willing to have sex for nothing in return. If you want men to treat you better then stop having sex with them. Show them that you are wanting more than that, and if they don't stick around then it is there loss. There are plenty of men out there who want a relationship, but you need to find the self esteem within yourself to show men that is all you are offering as well. Giving a man sex with not get him to like you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2018):
 I agree with N91
No need to "break up" with him, just block his number. (And consider getting a new phone number). But if you feel you NEED to do so, just text him. And block, don't wait for an answer.
As for men and why you end up in "things" like this one, that is purely physical - it can be that you JUMP into the sex way too soon.
If you meet someone you think you like, let him take you out for some dinners, a movie, walk in the park or whatever - not to screw you in a car. TALK to them and figure out who that person is. MOVE slower. If a guy tells you a story of how he is living with the mother of his child/an ex or even ex-wife - WALK away right then an there.
Some people will lie to get things from you, like company or sex. But not all men will lie.
I don't know where you met these men, that could also be a part of the problem as to why you run into guys who aren't looking for a relationship.
There are plenty of SINGLE men out there. I'd stick to that.
FIND your standard - what you want in a partner and from a relationship and try not to compromise with that while being realistic, of course.
Chin up, you can DO better and you DESERVE better.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 February 2018):
 You have no luck with men because you settle for sex only or continue with crappy men, instead of letting go early and finding someone else.
We ALL have to keep searching if we want any "luck".
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 February 2018):
 Let's be honest, what you you ending here? He uses you for a fuck in his dinner break, you have nothing to 'end'.
Block the guy and move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is an Executive director so he just works around his schedule on his meetings he has to attend etc...that's what I meant by flexibleFurthermore, I got involved with him because he told me they were in the process of living separately but were trying to see what was the best for their child. Retrospectively speaking, I should've gotten involved --It wasn't smart on my part . Perharps I was just too trusting and Naïve Our relationship is purely sexual. We usually meet and have sex in car and go for a walk. He hasn't came over to my house yet. The plans keeps falling through and he always have excuses as to why he can't. I haven't been to his house either for obvious reasonsI know I need to end it, I know I deserve better. I've destroyed my self esteem and dignity .As I stated in my OP ,I have no luck with man. I've never really been in long term real relationship. Even most single man just want me for sex and treat me poorly. I don't know whySo I guess it's just a matter of accepting being single or be in relationship that only satisfies my sexual needs. I'm going to end it. I just need strength to do itHow should I end it given we have been seeing each other for year?text or in person?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 February 2018):
What does these lunch time visits consist of if he never takes you out? Where do you both go? What do you both do? Do you grab food together? Explain to us more what he does to make you love him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 February 2018):
First of, why would you even get involved with a man who is living with another woman? Surely you know it is unacceptable to start dating another women's man, never mind the fact that they have a baby together, surely you must have knowing that this was not going to end well. I am sorry that you have fallen in love with him, but at the same time I cannot feel sorry for you as you knew he was living with someone else. If it is a year later and he is still making excuses and living with her, then he is not prepared to leave her and you should think more of yourself and leave him. Surely you know you deserve better than being the other woman.
I can imagine it is painful meeting up in secret on work breaks. That must be exhausting and I truly cannot see what you get out of this. Surely you want more from life than a quick meet up with a taken man?
A whole year and not one date? Why on earth are you allowing him to treat you like this. You need to have some more confidence and self respect in yourself and tell yourself you want more than this. He ignored Valentines because sweetie you are not the woman in his life he is living with another woman who he probably gifted and showed affection to.
You should end it, what are you afraid of? You are still young and have plenty of time to meet new partners, but you will not find anybody if you don't learn to never allow men to walk all over you and treat you like dirt.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 February 2018):
Sorry, OP. His lunch times *aren't* flexible. Nobody in a 9 - 5 job is *allowed* to extend their lunch breaks because they won't be doing the hours they're paid to do - he's lied to people, probably telling them he's checking on his child!
Seriously, ditch him. Now.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2018):
 Ahem,.. if he us supposed to work 9 to 5 is work is not very flexible- he just stretches the time he would be allowed for lunch from, say, 30 minutes to 1 hour, or from 1 hour to 2 etc. And not just once in a blue moon but sort of regularly, i.e. regularly telling lies , and actually stealing from his employers.
What's this got to do with his love life ? Probably more than you think, because people who can so casually and easuly break their committments and bend the truth on the workplace, won't act much differently in their personal life.
They'll lie if it's convenient, and they'll take advantage of you if it's profitable for them.
That's one more reason why I would not bet a dime on the believability of what he says concerning his so called ex and his domestic arrangements.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): There's this:
"he ignored Valentine's day, no card no "happy Valentine's day text nothing"
...and this:
"Once his work hours are over he rushes to get home.He claims that he has to realese his baby sitters etc"
Need we say more?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Andie,his job is very flexible .So we meet on his lunch time etc and he is able to extend his lunch break times.
The thing is,He works a 9 to 5 job.He cannot see me after 5pm .Once his work hours are over he rushes to get home.He claims that he has to realese his baby sitters etc
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 February 2018):
Really?
You think someone who lives with his maybe ex, doesn't take you on dates or want to spend time with you or acknowledge you in what you deserve from your love life?
Surely you'd rather stay single than that?
If you keep settling for guys like this, that is what you will always get. Have some standards. Not everyone you meet will be suitable for you and that's the whole point of dating, just because you haven't been lucky in the past doesn't mean throw yourself at the first person who shows you attention. This guy sounds like a waste of space and you're looking for nothing but heartache by pursuing him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2018): Now lets consider the odds. If you found him, you are likely to find another.
So your remedy is to settle for for the dude who lives with his baby's mama; but says he doesn't really love her? Stealing minutes here and there with some other woman's man; not only being a thief, but a cheat as well? Well karma will either keep what you want out of reach, or you'll find one and he'll be taken from you. What goes around, comes around!
If you have so little faith in life and in yourself; I guess it's fine with you eating off someone else's plate.
Well they're joined for life by a little kid, and she's not going to let her man leave her without beaucoup drama; and the poor innocent little kid becomes a pawn. She will make sure you will forever engage in a major tug-of-war; and her kid gives her more weight.
You're lazy. You don't want to go through all the trouble of meeting someone single and available, getting to know him, and establishing a relationship using your own skills and feminine charms. It's easy to catch a man already tied-down and broken-in. Usually he's not worth the trouble. If he cheats on her, you're next.
Unlucky in love usually means you need work. You make bad choices, and then whine about it. If your little fling is any indication of the kind of choices you make. It's no wonder.
You want more and deserve better.
Good-men are precious, like good-women. So it's not easy finding a good guy; mainly because you have to become a good girl first.
If you make bad choices, you get bad results. If you decide you'll take your time, work on your own faults and weaknesses; you'll get your reward. It may take time, but it will be worth the wait. You will attract a better class of men. It's not just what you get, it's what they're getting back from you for all their trouble.
It truly gets me when so many lady OP's write DC implying they're so sweet and lovable; all innocent victims of no-good men. Sometimes you get what you deserve.
If you do make a mistake; learn from the experience, and try to do better next-time. You have to go through a selection process. Eliminating the guys that are a bad match. If you're messy about your pickings, jump in the sack willy-nilly, and don't do anything to improve yourself. The good Lord is not going to let you get your hands on the fellows he has set aside to bless some lady more deserving than you!
Your blessing gets put on-hold!
Resolve to find what you want the hard way. Work on your self, build your confidence, date when you can, and make better choices when you do. You'll get better results.
It's not that you are unlucky in love, you want what you can't have, or a guy who's already taken. I guess the odds play against you when that's how you play the game.
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A
female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (18 February 2018):
 It seems like he already has plans to live with the mother of his child. Don't let his words fool you into thinking different always look at his actions. Listen, due to him having a kid with her she is going to always be in his life (18+ years) do your self and your heart a favor and drop him. There's something/someone better there always is. You deserve better.
*oh and no valentines day messages? drop his ass
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 February 2018):
 Well, obviously you have NOT "always been single" because you are in a relationship with this man. If you could attract him, what makes you think you can't attract someone worthy of you?
He doesn't take you out for fear someone will see you together and tell his girlfriend because, trust me, SHE doesn't know they are not together. You KNOW in your heart they are together. If they were not together, he would be able to see you outside of working hours.
While you are tying yourself to this waste of space, you will never find someone who is free to be with you. Be brave and let this one go back to his baby's mother. You deserve someone who puts you first. Never forget that.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 February 2018):
OP, how can you seem him during his work hours.... when he should be WORKING?
You need to learn to be content single, so you don't choose guys like this who aren't available.
You have plenty of time, provided you start the process now. Be single for 4+ months, then start looking for nice, AVAILABLE guys.
End it. Block him. Don't allow him to talk you into anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2018):
Why on Earth do you think you can't find someone else? Or someone better?
France has 67!!! million people - HALF of those are male! So at LEAST 10 million are men over 18 and you stick to a guy who is living with his child and the child's mother claiming they aren't together.
Sorry, OP you are acting obtuse. I don't think you ARE obtuse but come on... He can only see you during work hours, he STILL (a year later) lives with her... OF course they are together and you are the piece of meat on the side.
You know what's going on, but you rather take these SAD little crumbs this man gives you than DO the work of finding a SINGLE man who can and will care for you.
You certainly will NEVER find a decent guy if you keep being someone who is taken's side-bit.
Don't you want MORE for yourself?
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