A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I started dating this girl in December 15. I was 25 and she was 22 and was a TA in my class. We eventually grew in attraction and one evening, it progressed. Initially I was reluctant and said no as she was my colleague but she pursued it. We continued to grow closer and in February after we went to Paris, she told me she loved me. I told her I loved her back shortly after realising that she meant a lot to me. Then in April, she wanted to make it a relationship. Again, I was very unsure as she had previously been with women but said that after it fizzled out, it made her feel sick. She had always been confused about her sexuality and I didn’t want to force her into anything she didn’t want to be in. I eventually caved and agreed as I was very much in love with her. In July, we went on a holiday with her, her sister, myself and my friend. During this holiday, her sister found out and felt disgusted by it to the point she made me gf ignore me for 3 days. I backed off as I knew how overwhelming it must have been. I eventually banged their two heads together to make them see sense and it was ok afterwards. My girlfriend wasn’t out to her family but her sister forced her to tell their mother as that wasn’t the family they came from. The relationship continued as I met all her family previously and they all welcomed me with open arms. Fast forward to November and she said one evening that she felt confused and didn’t know if she wanted to be with men or women. I understood as I had a lot longer to accept my sexuality. We eventually had sex that evening and she was fine but I was really weary. I took her on holiday for our 1 year anniversary and realised she was messaging a guy that she met on a night out. (I check Leena her phone- I know! But gut instinct told me). I kept up pretences for her sake and didn’t confront her. I had always wanted to work abroad and I felt like this gave me the final push. I applied and got several offers from around the world (I’m a teacher). However, something in my gut said to stay as I loved her. I confronted her and she denied the guy so I left it at that. Evenintually she came out and told me that truth about kissing him. They were talking about meeting up, talking on xmas day and talking throughout the holiday that I booked for her. It broke me and I eventually took up a position in Thailand. The relationship continued as we said that we’d rather be in each other’s lives until I went. July came and I missed my first flight because I didn’t want to go. I was so happy until I had to catch another flight a few days after. She kept telling me to come back as she was bored and lonely. I paid for a ticket for her to come out to see me and she admitted that if I hadn’t paid, she wouldn’t have come. I quit my job after six months as I couldn’t bear the heartbreak and returned to England. We were fine initially until I found out that she went on a date with another guy after I returned. We agreed to be friends although we continued to sleep with each other. Fast forward to now and three years in. I love her so much that it pains my heart. She contacts and calls me almost everyday. We used to see each other everyday until she moved in with her father. Understandably, the situation dramatically changed. However, when I ask her to meet, she’ll make up a lame excuse. Unless she wants something, like her with her sister’s CV, etc. I sent her a message a week ago saying that she treated me like a doormat and that I wanted he to leave me alone. SPOILER. She did not. She has a way of clawing her way back into my life. I don’t know what it is. I really do love her with all my soul but I know she isn’t in this for neither friendship or relationship. She is the centre of her universe and that is it. I love speaking to her and receiving messages. Any insight would be amazing!!! Also, she is white and I am British Asian. I always felt that that was another thing about me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 February 2018):
 Okay so this one is pretty simple.
Stop contacting her and stop allowing her to contact you. Why would politely asking some one not to speak to you work? When you know they can easily manipulate you? I have been in a similar situation where I kept taking someone back and had to realise for myself how toxic it was and I'm now in a happy relationship dealing with nothing at all like this, so it's doable to get over it all.
She isn't doing anything special to walk back into your life. All she's doing is messaging you and you're replying. Just stop, block her. I know it's obviously going to feel weird doing that but are you going to keep letting her walk all over you?
You're the only person that can stop this bit instead you're feeling sorry for yourself and expecting her to just leave you alone because you asked nicely. Sorry, but that's not gonna happen. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger and you let her back in every single time without fail whether she goes on dates, speaks to other people or actually cheats, so let's be honest why would she stop? You keep giving her easy sex whilst she does what she wants so it doesn't sound like a bad deal on her side does it?
Grow a backbone, tell her it's over, block and delete her off everything. Take another job if you need to get away and take control of your life back or else you'll be going round in circles forever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2018): I'm gay, and we get made fun of because we can often be such drama queens and make awful stereotypes about us come true. We do love fashion, and we do get catty, and sometimes shopping is therapy. We get hives if we sit too long in a poorly decorated room. If your belt doesn't match your shoes, you should be arrested!
Now I'm going to pick on you a little bit. Lesbians tend to obsess on their exes. They just love to makeup and breakup. That cycle can go on for years. They never seem to move on. They fall in-love in a millisecond, and will move-in the same night they meet. You can laugh, or you can shoot me. I've witnessed or read your story so many times before.
Girlfriend, learn to let go and move on. Your soap opera romance is all part of your own doing.
You keep claiming you love her and fall right back into her trap. You are her lay-over girlfriend. Her stop in-between flings and whirlwind romances. You boost her ego, help her get her mojo back, and she's off and running. That's the scene where you dramatically press your forearm to your forehead, and fall to the couch in total anguish and despair! Your face all-awash with snot and tears. Hit the pause button, girlfriend! You're a pretty couple, and all your friends gossip about you. It isn't nice either!
Isn't it time you change the script, or get a new role? This is getting too predictable. I know the ending. She calls, and you go crawling back. Then she breaks-up, and leaves again.
Sweetheart, this will go on as long as you keep playing the role of the forlorn and betrayed leading lady. If you love drama, you'll get caught-up in the re-runs; playing the same old episode over and over and over. Nothing changes but your wardrobe! Maybe you get a new cat!
Break the cycle. Cut all ties, and find someone more stable and reliable. You're not in-love. You're addicted to her and her drama. You're determined and obsessed with trying to make her a full-time/full-fledged lesbian. She gets her cheap thrills showing you that you can't, and trying to prove to her family she likes boys.
If you keep this up, you'll get frustrated and bitter. You will become a lonely old-woman with a house full of cats. You'll die of heartbreak and they'll eat you. The scene fades to black!
It's time to set yourself free. She's unhealthy for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 February 2018):
 I think you need to make a choice here. BE dragged around by the nose by this girl, or CUT her out of your life so you can 1. find someone who WANTS to be with you. 2. WHO will treat you right and 3. Move on with your life.
Are you not tired of being in this hold pattern for someone who doesn't VALUE you at all?
When you have so little respect for yourself, people like this girl WILL walk all over you.
This isn't some tragic romance - it's YOU allowing this woman to USE you and treat you like crap.
Maybe it's time you make BETTER choices?
Start by wishing her well and then CUTTING ALL contact. Keeping her in your life isn't a viable option if you TRULY wants to move on and find happiness.
You can TELL her to leave you alone but you also know she won't SO you have to be the ONE CUTTING her off. Change your phone number if need be. You can't put ALL the blame on her and her nutty shenanigans because YOU allow it.
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