A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years. Earlier this year, I was relocated for my job and had to move about 2 hours north of where I lived with my boyfriend. The job is pretty demanding, but I try to visit him once a week.Lately, however, it seems like my presence (or non presence) doesn't have any affect on him whatsoever. This last Independence Day, I was able to get off work early and I decided to go visit my boyfriend (he already knew I was coming, just later). After sitting in traffic for three hours, I am welcomed with a lukewarm greeting and a kiss that lasts all of two seconds before he pulled away. I didn't expect flowers, presents, candy, or anything of the sort but I thought that some attention would have been nice. We haven't seen each other in three weeks and I was missing him so badly that I was dreaming about him. I was so excited about seeing him that I put extra effort into looking nice for him and got him a gift and, to be honest, I feel a little jilted that he didn't even bother to look at me twice, put on a movie, and ordered takeout like it was another day. Way to make me feel unwanted and unattractive!It was really the straw that broke the camel's back. As I was driving home, I was thinking about the dynamics of our relationship. If I don't call, we'd never talk; if I don't text, we'd never communicate; if I don't drive to his place, we'd never see each other. He's always trying to get me into his interests (guitar playing) and I try, but when I suggest that he do something I like (martial arts), he laughs it off. I just feel like I'm the only that's trying to maintain this relationship and I'm wondering if this relationship even means a damn to him. I have asked him about it before and he gets defensive, so I've dropped the subject. I have a few days off coming up and now I'm not inclined to go visit except my mom lives down the street and I want to visit her, but I don't want to cause an argument once he realizes that I visited her and not him as well.About a month ago he proposed and I said yes, but now I'm starting to worry that I've made a terrible mistake. I don't know if this ignoring me stage is just a phase because he thinks that since I said yes, I'll always be there, but I don't want to take that risk. I really don't know what to do. I know all I've been talking about are the bad things about this relationship, but there are good things. I'm just wondering if these bad aspects are worth breaking up over or if these "dead" phases are common in relationships that are semi long distance.On a side note: if I break up with him, would it be wrong of me to sell the ring and use it toward my education? Just kidding.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Have you talked to him about this? You need to give him a chance to fix things before you just end things. It's not fair to expect him to be a mind reader. If he really loves you and wants to marry you, he's going to want to have a happy partner. Let him know that you're feeling crappy about his lack of interest in your interests, and his lack of enthusiasm when you come to see him.
Did this suddenly start happening after the proposal? Or has it always been this way?
If you're going to have a successful marriage, you need to be able to communicate freely. Good luck, sweetness!
A
female
reader, RB92  +, writes (6 July 2010):
The phrase 'lets go on a break' springs to mind. He needs to realize that he can't take you for granteed and if he doesn't give you the love and attention you NEED then he can't have you. Breaks also mean you can go back to the relationship if things improve and can end it if they don't.
It might be worth however, you attempting to talk to him about it and try to curb his defensive talk. At least if you talk about it you can address the issues without having do something like go on a break.
And on the side note: lil bit on the bad side
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A
female
reader, AlmostTexan +, writes (6 July 2010):
Don't settle for someone just because.
Maybe in his mind all is well. You do have to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Don't nag and don't put the blame on him. Men shut down if you do. I know, I'm married for over 18 years. But you do need to talk. If he refuses or nothing changes afterwards, make up your own mind. Just do not settle for second best. If you put yourself into a relationship, demand the same from him.
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