A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:If a woman and a married man have an affair, is it the woman's fault as well?Obviously, it is the man's fault, but is the woman to blame as well as a home-wrecker?I have heard the defense of the woman saying "It was his choice to go after me, I didn't pursue him!"
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 If the other woman knew he was married, or even strongly suspected it then yes, she too has wronged the wife, though her error was no greater than that of the husband.The other woman may not have a written contract or a verbal agreement, but she is a party to the social contract that binds us all. It's the inherent understanding that we treat one another the way we hope to be treated.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Did the man pretend to be single or did she know he was married?
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 February 2012):
 If she knew, or should have known, she's due for plenty of blame. After all, how many married men would be having affairs if it weren't for women willing to sleep with a married man (for that matter, you can flip the sexes and get the same conclusion, too)?
It's like buying goods that you know for a fact are stolen.
Granted, there is a fair amount of evidence that chicks dig men who are taken. I've heard second-hand stories about guys who buy cheap rings to wear when they go out to bars, and how women flock to them. More persuasively, I saw a study a while back where they showed random women photos of men, where some women saw the unaltered picture, and some saw the same picture with a ring photoshopped into it. The man with the ring was consistently rated as more attractive. Chalk it up to the idea that if one woman wants him, he must be pretty good. But human nature or not, we have the capacity to be better than our instincts, and I have little respect for someone who chooses not to be.
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A
female
reader, VernieD +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Yes, both are at fault. I have had friends in this situation and they always feel embarrassed about it. Chances are if your gut tells you something is funny and shameful, it probably is in fact morally objectionable.
I think the guy is more at fault though, and I understand vulnerable women getting manipulated by married men who care much more for themselves than the women they are involved with.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2012):
 The saying : it takes two to tango, is true. If the woman KNOWS he his married, then she is in my book just as guilty.
And she needs to take a second look at her moral compass cause it's screwed up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): If the woman knows the man is married, then yes she is just to blame, because she knows he is 'taken', and it shows a lack of respect. If she doesn't know he is taken then it is all on him. That's what I believe anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): weather the married women pursed him or not from my point of view i think she is also at fault . yes it might be easier to blame her more because well shes a woman and she should have known better but the married husband is more at fault he knew what he was doing ,i mean did he not look at that ring he had on his finger while he was with her did he not stop to think i've been married for over ..blank years and this girl is worth throwing it all down the drain . if the answer is yes then he would have done the right thing and spared his wife the pain and told her . because men usally cheat when theres something missing in there marriage and adding another woman to the mix isn't nessary the smart thing to do to fix it . As for the woman he had the affair with the question is wether or not she knew he was a married man because no matter if she pursed him or not if she knew she should have known better then to keep seeing a man who is married there is no excuse she can give to explain her self if she knew its like that saying you hear most of them say "he said its over he doesn't love her hes getting a divorce eventully " till he really does it your just waiting and still hoping he leaves her but he never really does .
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Woman's single, she didn't make no promises to anyone. She can do what she likes. She isn't the friend of the wife and owes her no consideration.
But the other woman is stupid, because she's being used and will end up getting very hurt.
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A
female
reader, Raewyn  +, writes (5 February 2012):
It is common to blame "the other woman", suggesting that the "poor man" was a victim of her wiles and was powerless to resist her charms. The truth is that the man most often is actively looking for a liason, to alleviate whatever difficulties exist in his relationship with his wife. In many instances the woman initially does not know he is married. Check out any busy bar on a Fri night, chances are there will be a high percentage of married men, minus their wedding rings (if they wear one).
No-one in this situation is blameless, it is a sad and tragic solution people seek to help alleviate their needs to be "loved".
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 February 2012):
 I think people tend to blame the other woman because it's easier to be angry at her and blame her than it is to admit someone you loved and trusted would knowingly hurt you. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. Is she blameless? Of course not. But there's no point in being angry at her. It's just a distraction so you can avoid thinking about who is really at fault.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2012):
 I know some folks believe the person who is not married is just as responsible as the married cheater but I do not believe that.
I think that while the person who KNOWINGLY dates a married person shows low class, ethics and morals, THEY themselves are not cheating.....
and what if they don't know the person was married?
applies to men or women BTW..
the married person knows they are married.... knows they are cheating, knows they are lying....
who is the unmarried partner cheating or lying to?
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Good question. I was recently having a discussion pertaining to this very topic with a friend of mine.
And, my response was, "it takes two to tango", because my friend was blaming the married man for infidelity with other women.
I wouldn't blame her as a home wrecker, because it is not her fault the he cheated as well. You might as well call him a home wrecker if that's the case.
So, when two people mutually agree upon having sex together, then they are both responsible for the consequences that may result. Whether or not both are married, single, one married or other scenario.
If blame must be laid, then both would have to take the blame. But, at least one of them hadn't taken a vow and had a piece of paper.
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