A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently got out of a relationship about 2 months ago with my ex. He went to jail and we just couldnt do it anymore. He was an alcoholic, verbally abusive, and an addict; we had a lot of problems with our relationship, starting with all the obvious reasons. Although our relationship seemed like a nightmare in action sometimes, I never felt about anyone I feel about him. When he is sweet he is amazing, we have the exact same sense of humor, we can spend our days people watching a having the best day, its the most amazing sex i have ever expereinced, is the smartest man I have ever met (reguardless of his addictions) and I love him more than anyone I have ever been with etc. My ex was only in jail for a few weeks. When he got out of jail, he decided to seek extreme treatment for his addiction. He began attending aa meetings twice a day (which is not under obligation by the court)..and has been sober now for four months. We have went out a few times and had dinner and he is exactly the most amazing person I knew he would be when he was sober. Now, this is were the plot thicken..Two week after my ex and myself broke up.. about a month and a half ago.. I met another man. We were just friends for awhile.. and then started an actual relationship. I wasnt excited about it.. consiering I just got out of a relationship.. and needed some time to myself to focus on school and get some clairity.. Granted, the guy I met is ammmazing. He extremely caring, gentle, the sex is great, he is selfless, has more going for himself, he is more mature.. etc.. But! He is boring at times, he doesnt make me laugh, he does waay to much for me.. (if I mention I am thirsty he would jump up to get me water.. etc).. and he seems to change who is just to accomdate to who I am. Now this is everything I thought I wanted... and even through all of his greatness .. I still cant get over my ex... He is an ideal boyfriend.. but that SPARK isnt there.Now.. both my ex and my new boyfriend know about one another.. but neither of them know how deep I really am into each relationship..I want to be with my ex more than anything.. but not only does both of our families dissaprove... I fear he may relapse and it will be exactly the same it used to be.. and potentially more on the line (if we start a family, or own a home)..;this would make it a lot more challeging to get out.. But.. My new boyfriend like I said is "ideal" .. He is stable, uninteresting, ginuinley nice, almost too nice, selfless, unhumorous, etc.. So I dont know who to choose. I know I cant have my cake and eat it too. I do know though.. if I leave one for the other.. the one I leave I know will neever be apart of my life again. Both are HEAD over HEELS for me.. and the thought of hurting either makes me want to vomit. I couldnt imagine my ex not being in my life at all... and I couldnt imagine passing up the oppertunity on a really great manPlease Help! Alllll advice will be consideredlove,The confused
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alcoholic, broke up, in jail, my ex, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JayTKnight  +, writes (29 November 2010):
To the confused lady whom everybody loves. I think you should Let both parties know how you feel.
"I want to be with my ex more than anything.. but not only does both of our families dissaprove... I fear he may relapse and it will be exactly the same it used to be.. and potentially more on the line"
But.. My new boyfriend like I said is "ideal" .. He is stable, uninteresting, ginuinley nice, almost too nice, selfless, unhumorous, etc..
Then see what they're willing to do about it. Obviously the one who will jump sky high for water will change and he will tell you this, wherefore your ex may have already changed, but is going back what you really want?
In my honest opinion, maybe neither of them eh? lifes all about going forward, thats why we only get to live each day once, and not go back and re-live. Maybe you and your ex shared good times together and when you tell people about stories of you and him they'll probably sound like fairytales, but atleast you loved, and never lost. Cos i'm sure the guy will understand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I don't think its fair to stay with your new boyfriend just because he's great and u don't wanna miss the opportunity. If the spark isn't ther its best to let him go. As for your ex if u decide to try again u need to make it verry clear u don't want him to relapse but that also means u will have to help him by not drinking urslef. Best of luck to u.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 A person doesn't have to break the law to be considered exciting. A nice person doesn't necessarily make him boring or less intelligent. A relationship becomes dead once you label a person this or that. You can still do a lot of fun things with your boyfriend like taking your orgasms up one notch, or even explore the idea of an open relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I'm sorry, but "uninteresting" and "unhumorous" do not a romantic option make. I'd go with the flame/friendship with an extra dosage this time of trust and Support.
-Tante Vic
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