A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:What should I do? Me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years now.At first, everything was fantastic. Like fairytales, lovey-Dovey for the first year. Second year, things changed. We became more busy, and I have a very busy life compared to his, so I rarely had time for him. We always argued. The first year wasn't bad, just small minor ones. Then they ranged over hours, to days. And now we been fighting everyday, for weeks, months. I, being the emotional one, take things harder. And he had asked my best friend for advice, and ended up spreading us apart a tad because she "sided" with him. Things really took a toll when he said that I "deserved getting raped" (I have a past sexual abuse from my stepfather). He told me he didn't regret saying that the next day, and that the truth hurts. He calls me every name in the book, mostly bitch. We tried changing and changing, but it ends up in the same, deep, dark, put of arguments.Today, I really felt I had a slap to the face as he got mad at me after and arguement (which he broke up with me for the 1000th time in an argument), when he asked me if I wanted to get back together and I replied with "I don't know, give me time." He called me "A curse. That's why you were born with bulgy black eyes and thick Raven hair. You're a curse on me!" (I was born with really large dark brown eyes). I don't know what to do. When he breaks up with me, he goes suicidal and self harms. What should I do?
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female
reader, xKittyx  +, writes (14 February 2015):
Hello,
I think you need to let this guy go. No girl should be treated the way he's treating you, and you do NOT deserve to get raped. This "boyfriend" of yours is a bully. If, when you break up with him, and he makes threats of killing, or harming himself, you really need to talk to someone. It could be your parent, is parent, or maybe a teacher at school? Whatever it is, you need to let go of him. He's doing nothing, but hurting you. You shouldn't have to deal with this drama, especially when you're needing to focus on your studies.
Best wishes, and I hope this helped.
Kitty x
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2015):
 Honey, first of all - you did NOT deserve to be raped. NO ONES does. The fact that someone calling himself YOUR BOYFRIEND tells you that you DESERVE that... should IMMEDIATELY tell you something is wrong -WITH HIM.
Break up, CUT the contact 100%
IF you fear for his life call his parents and let them know you fear he will self-harm/try to commit suicide.
YOU CAN NOT and SHOULD NOT stay with a person who tears you down and who uses emotional blackmail and manipulation to continue to ABUSE you.
KIDS can abuse other kids. Young adults CAN abuse other young adults. Abuse unfortunately is NOT just an adult behavior (if you think about it, ADULTS who abuse LEARNED it from somewhere)
You (hopefully soon to be ex) BF will ONLY escalate his abuse. BY staying WITH him you are TELLING him that WHAT he does is OK (when you KNOW it' NOT OK).
He has issues, DEEP seated issues that you (no matter how much you love him) CAN NOT fix. He seems to spiral out of control and trying to take you down in the gutter with him.
YOU need to focus on YOU, and your LIFE.
Did you ever have any kind of counseling when you were raped? Do you ever discuss it with your mom? (or another adult you can trust?) If not, find an abuse/rape hotline and GET someone to talk to about this.
Also, your friend is NOT a very good friend and if I were you, I'd drop her too. She ENJOYS being the one he goes to for "advice", but what she is doing is create more drama. My guess is, she likes your BF too. So... LET her have him.
YOU need to take control of how people treat you. If someone calls you names, you DROP them and WALK away, If they degrade you, if they abuse you you WALK away. YOU cut them out of your life. NO ONE NEEDS that kid of people in their lives. They are like a cancer and will drag you down with them.
YOU come off as a bright and intuitive girl, I think you ALREADY know what to do, but you are afraid that you will be seems as the "bad" or "mean" one for dumping him. Don't. You can't change this guy by staying. And you can't fix him Or what's left of the relationship. You two are staying together now, out of familiarity - because you are USED to being with each other.
Let him go. I seriously doubt he will hurt himself badly over it. IF he calls you or text you that he is killing himself - call his parents or emergency services - YOU CAN NOT fix that for him.
Personally, though, I would BLOCK his number (or even better GET a new phone number)- remove/block/unfriend/delete him for ALL your social sites. (the "friend" too)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 February 2015):
 I'm sorry that you are in this kind of a relationship. No one should have to deal with this type of abuse, especially one as young as you. Please end things with him. If you don't feel comfortable alone then tell him in an email or a text, or even take someone with you to talk to him. And please tell your parents, his parents, or a school counselor of his threats. He needs help. He may be bluffing who knows..but normal people don't threaten to kill themselves over a break up. Its not normal behavior. Please do not shackle yourself to this young man. Good luck sweetie.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (11 February 2015):
 I have self-harmed and been suicidal - him using it as a manipulation tool is ridiculous and he needs help, but not from you; it's not safe for you to be around him, honestly :/
To say that you deserve(s) to be raped is horrific! He is a nasty, spiteful piece of crap and I hope he grows out of it, but you shouldn't hang around any longer because no good person should have such a negative (to say the least) person in their lives.
Honestly, I'm so horrified by his attitude and behaviour that I have no words to describe it :(
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 February 2015):
"When he breaks up with me, he goes suicidal and self harms."
Let him...As long as he is not doing it to you.
Simple fact...When you were abused, you know it was not right. This is no different...abuse is abuse...sexual, physical, or emotional.
You seem very smart, but feel you have to protect or care for the one that will hurt himself. That is not your job...that job belongs to his parents.
Get away from anyone who brings you down...that is not a lesson for now, it a lesson for life.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (11 February 2015):
 He is an idiot and you deserve soooo much better. How could you possibly want to be with someone who is so nasty to you?
Don't let him emotionally blackmail you with the self-harming. It's his responsibility if he harms himself, not yours.
Leave him ASAP and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): Rude child?
He's an abuser. A friend I had when I was 13 had exactly this kind of relationship, right down to using self harm as a manipulation tool. She was effected for ten years, after leaving him he even stalked her to another country on a school trip, after he had already left the school, he was having his friends keep track of her. Only now, ten years later, is she over the trauma. Leave him, those who threaten to kill themselves don't tend to do it. It's just manipulation. Get out now.
Teenage relationships, even ones at 13, can be abusive.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 February 2015):
 He sounds like an immature, rude child.
Why do you want to be with someone who treats you so badly and obviously has no respect for you? A part of growing up is learning when to walk away and do what is best for you.
You are still only teenagers and life should not be this dramatic at your age. You deserve better.
Dump him.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (11 February 2015):
 woow, i would get out now. just because he's not happy doesnt mean he has any right to be horrible to you. you deserve to be happy and find someone you have a better connection and relationship with. Being so young, there are many more to come.
i'd suggest breaking up with him and then seeking help for him. does his parents know how he feels? try calling a help line aswell :)
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