A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my late twenties. I m very much financially independent as I own my business and I do pretty well with it.Why I m telling this about myself before I start my story just to show that I'm not at all need any kind of financial support from any man, and not looking for it. Still when I date I have a tendency to base my first opinion about a guy how generous he is during our date.For some reason I associate his relationship with money with his personal trates. And when I see that a guy tries to split every expence with me during our date night out, I m being turned off immediately.I met this guy in a cafe. We started talking and before I knew it he asked me on a date.Judging by his appearance, he was a young professional like myself , in his early to mid thirties, good looking, smart, funny. I was really looking forward for this date. We ve met at the restaurant for our date, and when we sat, few minutes later he said, he forget his wallet. I said, its no problem, i ll take care of a check. He was apologetic, but not embarrassed at all.During dinner he ordered couple of not cheap wines, and one of the priciest dishes on a menu. I made a mental note of that, but then told myself that may be he is well off, and for him it's really not a matter of paying attention to things like that. He told me a little bit about himself, that he works for a big well known company, and he is one of the managers there, and that he is doing pretty well for himself. He was well traveled, like myself, we talked all dinner about different countries we visited.So far was so good. Then of course because of the absence of a wallet, I paid over a $100 for our dinner. He again said, thank you, next time is on me. But then when we left the place, I couldn't believe what happened next. He asked me about this really upscale bar about twenty minutes drive from where we were, and asked me if I want to stop there for a few drinks.I know this place, it's ridiculously overpriced with 15$ drinks and $30 parking, because it's location is in a beach hotel. Its one of those places when bartenders are really "taken care of" by patrons.Not only I don't like going to places like this as it is, considering that the guy forget his wallet, it's quite a move to "invite" me there knowing that I m the one who will be paying.I wouldn't mind going if it was his treat, but not after I already covered the whole dinner. I expected just to go to some coffee shop, have couple of coffees and talk some more and just go home, but my guy obviously was ready to party ...on my expense.Well, I said no, that I m tired and he walked me to my car, and that was the night. He texted me several minutes later saying how much he enjoyed the evening, and he hopes we can do it again.He called me next day, thanking me again for dinner, and in a mean time he is trying to see me this weekend again.I m turned off though. In the same time thinking if it wasn't for his invitation to that bar, he would be perfect. He is really pleasant looking, I feel that we are at the same level in many areas, he is fun to talk to, he listens, just a nice guy. But this thing that he did completely turned me off. There could be couple of reasons he did it. First, he might be so well off that these little things like $15 drinks don't matter much to him. I m not in a position not to care how much I spend on my outings, as being in business I m in the up and down mode all the time with mortgage and other bills to pay. So little things like that matter to me, but it might not matter to himSecond, he is a complete social klutz, that doesn't realize when you forget your wallet you don't ask a girl to a fancy club knowing that you won't be paying for it.And a third one, that for his sake I really hope it's not the case, that he is a free rider.Well, anyway, I m debating with myself whether I should give him a second chance. But at this point, even the physical attraction for him is gone because of that incident.What do you guys, think?
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cheap, different countries, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Melaniee +, writes (1 July 2012):
 If I were you I will ONLY pay my food & leave him behind, that is a HUGE turnoff
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 I agree with Code Warrior. If you are turned off, you are turned off, why making special efforts to turn yourself on again. It's not as if you have to date because of doctor's orders . You set your standards , and you date if there 's someone who meet these standards ( which may include "brings along his wallet when he goes out , or retrieves it ASAP when he sees he has forgotten it ").
Your logic, that so far the other guys were even worse, it's a bit like saying :" All the fruit in this market is rotten and stinks, but for this banana, which is only half rotten, so I'll buy it ". You can change market. Or skip fruit until the fresh one arrives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Because, code warier, its not a very common occasion, that you meet someone who you really start liking, until he forgets his wallet and then invites you to party.
Yes, it was a turn of for me, but then again going through all of you, men, and seeing much much worse than this guy, who I actually really liked I do question myself if I'm being to hard on him.
I was very much disappointed, but I asked this question as I m still learning how to live this life, and may be there is something I don't know, but other people do.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I think he did it on purpose too, to see how you would react. I think it's a LAME thing to do. And it would TOTALLY turn me off, BECAUSE he was the one asking you out on the date.
But, I would go out on a second date, if he (aside from that stunt) seems like a good guy. But I would NOT pay for a thing. If he "forgot" his wallet again.. I would honestly excuse myself and walk out, never to look back.
I have NEVER gone out on a date and the guy had forgotten his wallet.. BUT my husband is an ACE at leaving his wallet in the car when we go places lol. So I'm not saying that no one ever forgets their wallet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): I would definitely go for the second date to at least find out what was behind it. May be he did that by purpose you never know. Give him a second chance to see how he will treat you so you won’t have any doubt in your mind later.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 The most important thing on a first date is making a good first impression. He didn't. If you want someone to think well of you and you want a second chance with that person, you make sure you're prepared before you leave. I don't think this is such a hard concept to understand or put into action. A date requires money. That is the main thing it does require. I think it is rude and inconsiderate that he not only "forgot" his wallet, he then took the opportunity to rack up the bill with expensive wines (and attempted expensive bars) when he should have shown respect by acting in a frugal manner. That says a lot. I am pretty free with my money also, but not with someone I hardly know who behaves like this man behaved.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 June 2012):
 It may very well be that he did it on purpose to see how you would react. I mean after all if he has money he wants to make sure you aren't after that.
He may be a freeloader.
You had a nice time... this one thing marred it for you.
I'm a very forgiving person... I tend to give folks second chances... sometimes third but then I need forgiving a lot too.
I'd give him one more last chance... see how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): OP you're a businesswoman, does this transaction make sense to you? Go on a second date "on him", at least get your moneys worth by having him treat you this time.
He may well have been serious when he said that he would, so give him a chance to at least repay you.
Look we've all had horrible first dates where we've been out of sorts etc. I say give him the chance to repay your date by treating you to one "on him".
If I'm honest I would be wary of this guy, he doesn't sound like the most dependable person but what have to lose by going on another date with him paying for it?
I don't think you would be doing as well in your business if you do the things you're planning on doing here. Get your moneys worth and get him to pay for your next date. Be business like about this, you never know OP he could just have been a bit nervous and also very tipsy from the wine. Give him a chance to treat you to second date, who knows he may not be all those things, just make sure you're ready to go home should you turn out to be right.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): From op:
Thank u all for answering, but I just realized that he didn't even search for his pockets when he said that there is no wallet. So he realized that he doesn't have it probably in a car driving to meet me. I just remembered the name of the building where he lives, and i googled it. Was I not surprised to discover that it literally around the corner. It's max 15 minute walk, and by car it's like 2 min. drive.
He could ve driven back, it would take him like 10 min to do the whole thing. When i arrived at the restaurant he was already there.
No, this whole thing doesn't look good to me. I'm tempted to disclose it to him what I think about this whole scenarium.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): From op:
Thank u all for answering, but I just realized that he didn't even search for his pockets when he said that there is no wallet. So he realized that he doesn't have it probably in a car driving to meet me. I just remembered the name of the building where he lives, and i googled it. Was I not surprised to discover that it literally around the corner. It's max 15 minute walk, and by car it's like 2 min. drive.
He could ve driven back, it would take him like 10 min to do the whole thing. When i arrived at the restaurant he was already there.
No, this whole thing doesn't look good to me. I'm tempted to disclose it to him what I think about this whole scenarium.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Personally I would give him another shot. I am exactly the same as you I do think how a guy behaves on his first date with you is important. I remember one guy let e pay for the whole meal when I offered to pay. (which I always do, im very independant. However i do like the make to insist) I did see him again but he did turn out to be a free loader. Im quite happy to be seen as the one paying but every girl likes to think that the guy they are dating can take care of them. its human nature.
I would give the guy another chance. If he does the same again bin him off. The only way I wouldnt be embarassed if that happened to me is if I intended on paying it back. Let him have his chance. If he messes up, you can at least say you gave the guy a chance. What happens if this guy is perfect on the next date?? Then you will be glad you went. If he isnt well you laugh about him with your friends. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Everyone has had dates where the guy has been a complete tool. It gives us something to talk about!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): I think give him a second chance.
The fact that there was so much in common, and overall you liked everything about him except his forgetting his wallet and inviting you to the club afterwards, it could have been an honest mistake.
Give him a second chance, and before your meal this time find out if he brought his wallet. If he did and pays this time, then all's forgiven, date as usual. If he forgot his wallet again, leave and don't look back because then he is a free loader.
He might have been doing his own test? Maybe he has had bad experiences in the past? It would be odd but you never know. Anyway, you passed with flying colours, now he needs to do the same in your book!
Good Luck with that 2nd date and come back and let us know :)
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male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (20 June 2012):
i say give it one last chance . It could have been a honest mistake that he forgot his wallet . Let him treat you this time and see how generous he is . See if that time he orders and expensive dish for himself , and see if he offers to get drinks after . One last chance Wont hurt .
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
I would be turned off too. When I go on a date for the first time, I don't expect someone to pay for me. I always pay for myself unless the man insists. It honestly does not sound like he forgot his wallet. It sounds like he planned the whole thing. If he had really forgotten it by accident, he would have offered to pay at least his share when he returned to his home. He would not have ordered wines or suggested you go to an expensive bar. I would not give him a second chance...no way.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
I would be turned off too. When I go on a date for the first time, I don't expect someone to pay for me. I always pay for myself unless the man insists. It honestly does not sound like he forgot his wallet. It sounds like he planned the whole thing. If he had really forgotten it by accident, he would have offered to pay at least his share when he returned to his home. He would not have ordered wines or suggested you go to an expensive bar. I would not give him a second chance...no way.
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