A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to still have feelings for an ex while getting into the next relationship? And let the lingering feelings for the ex die completely as you get to know this new person? Does this happen a lot with people?Or is it better to completely get over the ex before getting into a next relationship? Because who knows how long this will take, and maybe you need to meet someone to help you get over it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2012):
 "Is it normal to still have feelings for an ex while getting into the next relationship? And let the lingering feelings for the ex die completely as you get to know this new person? Does this happen a lot with people?"
That's how I usually go about it anyways. If others do/feel the same way I don't know, but I am guessing this is fairly common and normal to do. Getting over someone isn't a definite thing really. You don't need to have completely forgotten about someone before you move on! You just need to have gotten over your romantic feelings for them, and gotten over your desire to be with them, love them, and be intimate with them. You got to be "over them" to the point where your heart has healed from any wounds they left in you, and that you are ready to love someone new. That there is room enough in your heart for someone new.
Then the rest will fade in time, and that can take YEARS.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 If I were to "wait" to "get over" that lovely girl who dumped me in July, 1969, I'd STILL be in that "holding pattern" .... and waiting to start any "new" relationship with some other girl......
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A
female
reader, marjieex3 +, writes (20 June 2012):
I think it depends on how much you liked your ex. I mean if it was a small fling but you did care for them, then you can wait a bit or get into a relationship and just grow your feelings for the other person. BUT if you were in love with your ex then you should definitely wait. If you dont wait and get into a relationship you will find yourself thinking about your ex and wanting to be with them rather than your new beau. That is what I personally believe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): I always wait, but a lot of people think it's normal to use other people as a way of getting over an ex. Personally I think it's cruel, I've been a rebound and unfortunately used others as rebounds too and I really think people who do that are assholes. Yeah me included.
OP if you're not 100% emotionally ready to be with someone and still have another in your heart then the risk of not getting that same feeling for the new guy is huge.
I've been dating, in relationships, sleeping around for the past 20 years. I will never get with a person who is not 100% available to me, for a relationship. In recent times once I even get the hint that a girl still has feelings for her ex then I close myself off and it becomes about the good time and the sex. Unfortunately for some of those they ended up developing feelings and I didn't but I don't feel bad for that because I had to protect myself as they obviously didn't care that I could be a rebound.
I know a lot of guys are the same OP, any girl who mentions their ex becomes fair game for just being a sex toy because it's so very obvious just by the way a woman speaks of him or the frequency that he pops up that she's not over him, at your age there'll be plenty of guys who will gladly sleep and date you but will close themselves off to you because they don't want to be hurt. So in that sense too it is better to wait until you're over your ex unless of course you just want a casual fling.
In other words OP you know as a woman there are plenty of guys out there that only want sex from you, but by getting with guys while not over your ex you increase substantially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Rebounds don't really work, because the feelings you think you have for someone new are usually just based on loneliness and the desire for somebody's company, rather than love. Wait until you are completely over your ex so you are back to a normal emotional state and are thinking clearly before deciding whether another relationship is what you're ready for or not.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 June 2012):
 This is a difficult question to answer because I think it depends on the individual. I think it is ideal to be over your ex first, but sometimes it takes a long time to do that. I agree with you that you might meet someone new first and that will help you forget the ex. That way you are having fun and making new memories instead of replaying the old ones with your ex in your mind. It may not be fair to the new person, but I think that is sometimes how human beings work, so it is not really right/wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): I prefer to get over my ex completely before getting into a new relationship. I just feel for myself that it is not fair on the new person. I certainly wouldn't want to be the one who is getting into a relationship with someone who is still getting over their ex, so I prefer not to do it to someone else.
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