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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i need some help ppl..i feel so so down at the moment.im the only single 1 out of all my friends..Im 18, i know thats not very old.I have so much bad luck with men. They just dont seem 2 take me seriously. I want a bf so badly but nothing ever works out. I meet guys, txt them, go on dates, sometimes even start goin out with them, but it always ends up breaking up after just a few weeks. Either they dont like me, i dont like them(maybe im too fussy and looking for something that doesnt even exist), or i get completley paranoid and insecure that theyll cheat on me and then finifh it. Then when iv finished it i become obbsessed with them. Its like when im with them, i dont want them cos i feel insecure/dont like them, then when i fiish it, im get obsessed!!or at the other end of the spectrum guys become too clingy and obsessed with me..which i also hate...i know i sound really messed up in the head but plz try and give me some advice if it makes sense!!i feel so down-maybe ill nevermeet mr.right and shud settle 4 2nd best???:0( love me x x x x
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male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 your 18, I would be free for a bit, enjoy life. whats wrong with being the only single one relstionships started because you dont want to be single end in tragedy, so whats the point? if your friends are making you feel bad cause your single just wait, they probably strted their relationships without thinking anything out and will be in dire straights in no time, then you'll be the one they go to. The major misconception in youngf people is that you need anyone, you dont. All these relationships you jealous of are just as shaky as yours have been in the past. Cheating happens, but only when the people involved are to imature or selfish to do things right, the act itself is harmfull. if your afraid of being messed around on your not ready, Im the same way and take years between relationships, it realy helps. Your friends are mistreating you and they are all caught up in that they are better than you because there not single, this is obviously imature and hurtfull to you. Have you told them how you feel? If your so uncomfortable in a relationship I'd relax. You will live without one. you need time to learn how be yourself anyway without all the added drama. Good luck p.s. I am paranoid too and know exactly where your coming from, it's no way to be. especialy for your partner.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): hunn your only 18 and have nothing to worry about, im 21 and have been single for 2 years. it doesnt mean im not happy with my life, lonely possibly at times but i have a good set of friends and im happy doing the things i want to do.
i know theres pressure on you being the single one of your ''group'' and i know when your friends are talking boys you feel a bit left out. but if your yourself and relaxed around men, dont appear desperate or needy youll find the right man for you in no time.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 You should never settle for second best. You just need to chill out and wait for the right guy to come to you. No one likes desperateness in a person and that's what people come across as when they are always looking for their next date. That's no way to live! You're 18 and you've got the right idea - go out there and meet loads of people, have fun and enjoy being single!
I know it can be hard when all your mates have boyfriends but there's no point in going out with someone you don't like just for the sake of it. Then you just get used and feel stupid when it doesn't work out. As for the sabotaging of relationships once you're in them, they sound like insecurities regarding your own self worth and your trust in others. Maybe seeing a counsellor could help with these issues? If you sort these out, when you do meet someone, you won't drive them away with your problems.
You need to stop looking for the next guy to come along and just enjoy single life. 18 is a great age, no age to be sat around with some guy! You need to get your mates out and have more fun with them. You could even meet men you like while you're out and about!
I really hate to see women who cannot live without a man and don't seem happy unless they have one. It's really sad and I just want to shake them and make them see how amazing they are and how no man can complete them! Please try and get some help and start thinking more about you and what you want to do with your life, not what men you want to fill it with. They only bring problems and looking for them only means you will never find.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 January 2007):
 Of course you are going to meet mr right, you are only 18 years old with your whole life ahead of you. Just because you haven't now dosen't mean you never will.
As for your previous relationships you are going into them with a negative frame of mind, letting your insecurities rule your mind. The only possible outcome of doing this is a relationship lasting only a couple of weeks.
try entering a relationship with a positive frame of mind, stamp out your insecurities.
Try a Paul Mckenna hypnosis CD for confidence and positive thinking, it really does give you a lift, do this three times a week.
All the best of luck,
X
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 If you can't be comfortable with yourself, how is someone else supposed to be comfortable with you?
What I mean is that it's easier to be attracted to someone who's whole existence isn't hung up on having a boyfriend.
It's when you're not looking for love that it tends to jump up on you. Go out with your friends, engage in a fun activity (karate for example). Sooner or later somebody will see this confident girl who enjoys her life and think: "damn, she seems to be fun to be with".
Also, from what you write, it sounds a bit as if you're not willing to let anybody close at the moment because you're too afraid to get hurt. Take your time. You don't need a boyfriend just because all your friends have one, he's not an accessory like an iPod or a fancy bag from Yves Saint Laurent.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (14 January 2007):
 first of all dont settle.. second of all it seems ure insecure with men a little (ie cheating, yes some do it but not all so give some guys the chance)..third take relationships slow going to fast you may crash and burn take time build a friendship, then if you both like each other take it to the next step.. try to relax when dating, it seems ure little picky on men but who isnt lol, just take it easy dont keep thinking about it..youre guy will come along like all just be patient and take it easy.. that my opinion hope it helps xxx A
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A
female
reader, ingotblue +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I am exactly the same as you!! I am now 30 and single, like my friends told me when I do get a feller he will be so lucky to have me, just as yours will be happy to have you.
My best friend said to me one day that you will never get what you want but you will get what you need.
Concentrate on making yourself happy in all other aspects.
Get a good education, a good job make yourself happy.
When you are happy with what you have and yourself then when you least expect it he will come along.
Be happy with in yourself and love yourself and others will be happy with you and love you.
It is hard I know but each day I am gettign better and so can you
good luck
p.s men arent the be all and end all
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