A
female
age
41-50,
*md282
writes:Hi, Please help me - I'm a 30 year old healthy woman in a 10 year relationship that is being ruined by my inability to feel anything during intercourse.I can orgasm fine by clitoral stimulation and I have no issues with sex such as lack of experience, trauma, pain etc.I have never been able to feel anything pleasurable inside, so loss of libido is not the cause either. I have been to a gynecologist who said that because I get wet during sex there is nothing wrong with me. I do not agree with this, it is ruining my life and Iam so desperate for help. Thank you for any help you can give me.
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libido, orgasm Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 December 2011):
 Hi So-Very-Confused,
Actually, an asexual person can have an orgasm. I did a radio interview with David Jay who is the founder of the asexuality.org website and we discussed this very topic.
I would suggest that you refer to the site and read up on the very broad definition of how asexuality is defined.
-Frank
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 December 2011):
 with all respect to the last poster, I do not think that a person who can and does orgasm is asexual. ASEXUAL people do not desire sex... the OP does...
OP I may be guilty of an assumption here and if I was in my prior post I am sorry... if you say you don't feel ANYTHING and you mean that you are physically NUMB and do not feel it then yes that's not right... and a different doctor may be needed.. that's a nerve issue. I have no feeling in my lower abdomen from surgery... it's numb...
when i say i don't feel anything during sexual penetration, that means I do not orgasm. I FEEL my partner in me and the feelings are vaguely pleasant but I don't feel like HE THINKS I SHOULD (from years of watching PORN I am sure)... but i physically feel his presence... so I guess the issue is which I feel nothing applies....
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (24 December 2011):
Are you familiar with the term "asexual"? I think you might fin some very useful information and support on a site called http://www.asexuality.org/home/
From your description, it seems to be a place for you to learn more. You are healthy, your body functions (orgasm), have have experience with sex, but no issues with trauma or pain, your libido is separate from your pleasure, this is the way you have felt all of your life...I think this may be it.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (23 December 2011):
 I do not have much to add here, as I am in agreement with all who preceded me, but can I add that during penetration, why not try a little "bullet" vibrator on your clit as he performs - you could be amazed!
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (23 December 2011):
 ok
As has already been stated the vast majority of women do not orgasm through penetration.
Most women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm.
However most women can "feel" their guy inside them (or fingers or toys). For most women this feeling is pleasant in a sexual way but it isnt the same sort of stimulation which brings on an orgasm.
There is of course the g-spot, which is either total myth or something everyone has (depending on which study you read). G spot stimulation can feel wonderful in some, and in others makes them just feel like they need to pee. For a proportion of women, they just dont feel anything sexual at all with g-spot stimulation (or they havent found it).
What concerns me is that you mention you feel nothing. Do you mean you get no pleasure from penetration (which is perfectly normal), or you physically cannot feel anything inside you? If the latter you need to go back to your doctor as there must be something medically causing this. It could be any number of things from lax vaginal muscles, prolapse, nerve damage, psychological, or about 1001 other causes.
Kegels can help increase friction, however remember that kegels need to be completed religiously for at least 3-6mo for there to be any noticable difference.
As has been suggested, more info would help.
xx
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (23 December 2011):
 maybe get your partner to use a vibrating cock ring. Will stimulate your clit during sex. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): My partner comes through intercourse alone, and to be honest I find it a bit weird.
I've only known 2 other women who could do this, so in my experience the "70% can't" statistic mentioned by another poster sounds pretty much exactly right.
You're definitely not in the minority and there's nothing wrong with you.
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A
female
reader, HippyChick +, writes (23 December 2011):
 You need to use your mind. Think about what is happening that part of him is inside you sliding in and out, picture it, see if that helps any. The mind is all part of sex too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Okay if I misread that and it's not about just the orgasm but that you just feel nothing at all, then perhaps you need to try kegels to tighten yourself up.
If you don't feel anything at all then maybe it;s because the fit isn't great at which point the only thing that will change that is if you make yourself tighter. So try some kegels, tighten up and see if that helps, but again if it's just that you want to feel the same pleasure from intercourse as you do through clit stim then you're going to be unhappy the rest of your life because it will never feel the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Look you've heard what the other ladies have said and they're right. Just one question, you've really gone 30 years without knowing that the vast majority of women never orgasm during intercourse? Or that a rather large percentage go through their lives without having ever experienced one?
OP it's not unusual and if you're just going to sit there and cry about it when your gyno, a trained expert in the field tells you there's nothing wrong then I'm afraid I have no sympathy for you because there is NOTHING you can do to change it because there is NOTHING wrong with you and you are not missing out because you're able to do it through clit stim.
If you really want to orgasm during penetration then just stimulate your clitoris at the same time.
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A
female
reader, Crazykatee +, writes (23 December 2011):
I dont come having sex, it doesnt thrill my like my man going down on me, try harder, slower, deeper but start so its just the tip of him in u, it teases you and play at the same time, just a tip! I dont really no, i no its common, loads of women like us dont x
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A
female
reader, HippyChick +, writes (23 December 2011):
You need to use your mind. Think about what is happening that part of him is inside you sliding in and out, picture it, see if that helps any. The mind is all part of sex too.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 If you can orgasm just fine by clitoral stimulation, then the problem would be ....?
That's just the way you are wired , same as many other women. There's nothing intrinsecally wrong in that.
Yes , perhaps there could be some "trick " that you have not tried yet , some particular position or roleplay or what not that could trigger your orgasm during penetration ; and have fun experimenting, if you wish- but I'd suggest you to enjoy the travel and forget about the destination. If it happens it happens, if not you are fine anyway. Why should your relationship or sex life be ruined by THAT ?! After 10 years ?!
Sure, there always be men who'll take your specific orgasmic response personally , as an insult to their manhood, and would feel more manly and validated if they
could link your orgasmic response directly to their c..k.
But that's a problem of ignorance, - I don't mean it in a mean way, but in the originary sense of " not knowing " how certain things work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2011):
MOST women do not orgasm from intercouse. like 70% DO NOT! I'm 51, I'm healthy I can orgasm from oral or manual but not from penetration no matter what... no matter who..
I feel him in me... and it's PLEASANT but it's not the be all to end all he wants.
are you NOT satisfied with your sex life? Is HE angry that "he can't make you cum"?
what would you like us to help you with? The best I can offer is to help you figure out how to accept this....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 December 2011):
 If you're not feeling anything during intercourse, you're in the vast majority of other women! The people who have orgasm during penetrative intercourse are a minority, whether by their own biology or their partner's endurance or both.
There is nothing wrong with you at all. The myth of the "vaginal" versus "clitoral" orgasm has been causing years of high anxiety in women everywhere. There are few nerve endings in the vagina itself, and the "G-Spot" is actually indirect stimulation of the clitoral nerves that fan out from the clitoris itself.
Rather than a doctor, if you're interested, you should see a sex therapist who can help teach you to experiment with your body, different places to stimulate, different angles and speeds. But whatever you do, don't despair or become anxious about not being able to climax with in/out thrusting alone. Anxiety alone dampens sexual response.
Just remember, you're in the majority of women, and there is nothing wrong with you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Ok, I think you are taking this a little overboard. First, NO WOMAN feels anything inside. Only the first inch has nerve endings and only then you feel pressure or movement. NOT sensation like on your skin.
Second, sex is more than what you feel. Looking at your partner enjoy himself and enjoy your body should be emotionally pleasurable.
Third, you need foreplay before and after to give you a more fulfilling experience. Clitoral stimulation etc, most women do not orgasm from sex alone.
Fourth: have him work on his movement - not just thrusting, but grinding and close contact against your clitoris during sex will be more pleasurable.
Just calm down, this shouldn't be ruining your life.
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