A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling terrible because I ended up having sex with the guy in the apartment next door the other night. I only just moved in and it was the second time we had visited and had a drink. I can't even remember much of it or how it started. I knew I thought him fanciable but had no intentions of anything as he is a lot younger than me and I havent been with a man for years anyway and consider myself past sell by date despite looking ok fully clothed etc. I remember leaving after many hours and having worst hangover ever. I'm worried about any embarrasing things I might have done - peeing? farting (I remember doing that)and if he ended up disgusted by me. I'm scared of bumping into him now, and so very sorry that an acquaintance has been ruined. I've never had sex and not remembered like this before. Its really horrible and I hate myself so much. I don't even know what question I'd like answered. I don't have any friends that I'm on the sort of terms to confide something like this, and I feel such a slag.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): The most important thing is that you're ok in that he didn't do worse than this. It's not too late to be tested, you can have your hair tested, these drugs stay in your hair for 90 days. Please do this and try to stop him from doing this to someone else.
Definitely get tested for std as well and do plan b if you're not menopausal.
Take Care.
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 You shouldn't have blacked out and had "the worst hangover ever" from two glasses of wine. Something doesn't add up here. It's probably best that you want to keep your distance.
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female
reader, Allison11 +, writes (26 January 2011):
Thanks so much for the kind answers. Yes, I can only recall two glasses of wine. Yet the week before we'd had a full bottle at my place and I'd seen him off and gone for a walk on that occasion. I guess I've left it too long for a drugs test now, sadly. Your comments have helped me to feel less bad about myself though, which is what I need most. He is going abroad next week, as he works overseas. If this hadn't happened he would be stopping by to let me know he was going. I suppose I must just wait and see what he does now in these circumstances. I'm sorry I aren't brave enough to approach him, as has been suggested. At the very least I'd be afraid of him thinking I was hankering after him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Hi, well the EXACT same thing happened with my next door neighbour only difference was that we had been socialising for three months and are both in our forties.
I tried to be adult a few days afterwards and say that it mustn't change any friendship because we are both adults. The upshot is that he asked for space and things have been awkward ever since. Best advice is to avoid him and if you do come face to face just smile and say hello brightly then if anyone has a problem it will be him. Good luck. A
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male
reader, mscard +, writes (26 January 2011):
Yeah I wouldn't worry too much. Dirtball is right in asking how much you drank though. Your anecdote seems to imply that you only had one drink, which isn't enough to make anyone black out. In that case, I'd worry about date-rape. It also may be wise to get screened for STIs. Also, it may not be a bad idea to run to the drugstore and get Plan B, just in case. Other than that, I wouldn't say what you've done is morally wrong; you're single, right? Dirtball pretty much has this one totally right.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Thank you very much for answering and being kind. Yes, I too thought it was bizarre that I did seem to have the blackout thing. He was extremely keen to keep refilling my glass and the last coherent memory is of some of the conversation we were having. After that its just fragmental. I remember a question about whether I'd be at risk of pregnancy, but can't recall when that was. Then I just remember snippets of the sex. I don't recall the end except for him handing me my clothes and my dressing and going along to my door. I have a fear that he might have given the 'don't stalk me now' speech because I remember saying something like, 'No I'll just be that old slag next door'. I definitely don't feel up to approaching him. I just feel scared that he will be disgusted by the whole thing and wary of encountering me and so on. I think he's a nicish guy, but also pretty hot and experienced and unlikely to be tolerant of people who perhaps play with fire and then complain when they get burned, if that makes sense. Its definitely the not knowing quite what happened thats the hard thing. A normal one night stand I could cope with, because I'd be left knowing just how to behave after. In this case I don't, and I feel such a fool and somehow duped.
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (26 January 2011):
Well what's done is done. You did something you regret and now you feel awful. That's understandable and exactly how everyone feels when they've done something they're not proud of. I wouldn't worry too much about what he thinks. It takes two to tango. It may be that he doesn't remember much either, as he and was probably as drunk as you.
You might want to think about how is was you got so drunk that night, however. Do you remember overindulging? Do you remember drinking enough to get that drunk, and if so, do you know why you felt a need to get so hammered? If this man was making the drinks, do you feel confident you know what was in them?
It appears by your post that your behavior took you by surprise. That it is out of character for you. I say this partly because you feel so awful, and partly because you say you haven't been with a man in quite some time. I am wondering if this man took advantage of you in some way. It appears a little suspicious to me.
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female
reader, Helz_Angel +, writes (26 January 2011):
For one thing, don't hate yourself! Most people at some stage, get drunk and do something they regret. Everyone makes mistakes so don't be so hard on yourself. If he is a decent human being, he will understand, and won't judge you on how you behaved when you were in a vulnerable state of intoxication. It takes two, and he is as much a part of this as you are, and if he is 'disgusted', then that shows his immaturity and says far more about him as person than it says about you. It's understandable you regret the experience, but don't let this be an issue of self-confidence, and don't be scared to bump into him. You have no more to be ashamed of than he does. In fact, you would be better off to clear the air. It would be a shame if you lost an acquantaince over this, so give him a call to apologise. Explain that you feel awful for what happened and are embarrassed. Reinforce that you were drunk; you don't normally act like that and you hope you can both still be friends. If he can't be a grown up about it then that is his loss and at least you can walk away with your head held high.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I'm concerned that he may have put something in your drink. If you're not alcoholic and have never had black outs there is no reason for you to have this type of memory loss. If you didn't go there planning to have sex with him why would you suddenly jump into that if that is not you?
Don't hate yourself, I think he may have been responsible for all of this.
Please go and find out if there are any drugs in your system. If he did this to you, he's done it before and he will keep doing it to others. He has to be stopped.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Hey hey hey, back up! You need to take it easy on yourself! As long as you weren't cheating on anyone, you didn't do anything wrong. Sure, it probably wasn't the best decision, but it also isn't something you should be overly harsh on yourself about.
I do have a couple of concerns. Did you drink enough to get black out drunk? The way you describe your memory loss, it makes me think he might have slipped you something. I sincerely hope I'm wrong. My other concern is if you remember using protection. Someone who is so quick to jump in the sack has a higher degree of risk with them in regard to STD's and what not.
Don't worry about embarassing things you might or might not have done. That's nothing to concern yourself with. Maybe talking to him would put your mind at ease. "I usually don't do things like the other night, and I'm really embarrassed." I bet he could offer some comfort, and not just in bed.
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