A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We've been together for 1.5 years. There's been good times and bad. I've verbally attacked him and physically attacked him twice. I can't figure out why, but he must love me. I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm also not willing to stay in a relationship that we know won't work.At this point, if we have an argument over something small, I just say we shouldn't be together and there's no point. I'm tired of being disappointed and upset and having these break ups and make ups every 3 weeks. Does my willingness to end the relationship mean it's time for it to end? We have a hard road ahead of us (inter-racial relationship and my parents don't know of his existence yet, when they do, all hell will break loose)Should we just cut our losses and end it?
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, YourCoach +, writes (9 May 2013):
Short and to the point, yes. Your willingness is nothing more than ultimate proof that you indeed need to break if off, once and for all.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2013):
 Well, sure, OP, undeniably it is a matter of opinions,ultimately. To me- and to millions of other women and men, I am by no means a rarity - physical violence is the ultimate dealbreaker, the point of no return. Not so much the reason to end a relationship, as the PROOF that there IS no relationship, because the lines that define " relationship " have alreday been crossed. It's on another level from mistresses and affairs ( although, tbh, I also don't know MANY relationships that have survived intact mistresses and affairs...)
Anyway, if you don't feel the same... you just don't. It's positive that you both, though, have agreed that ,drunk or not, physical aggression has no role or space whatsoever in a love relationship and you have agreed to eliminate certain behaviours for good. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the feedback guys. You made some good points about me breaking up with him over nothing because I don't want it to work. I disagree with that, because while I may say things like that, in the end, I never follow through. And I realize that that's a problem. I shouldn't be so quick to end things and use the words "break-up" so lightly unless I totally mean it. We always end up talking things out and if I didn't want it to work, I would have been gone by now. As for the violence, both incidents happened while I was drunk and while that's NO EXCUSE, that is not who I normally am. We both know if it happens, even once more, it's over between us. I think if relationships can get over secret babies and mistresses and affairs, our young relationship can make it. I know you may not agree w/ my decision and probably think i'm an idiot but at the end of the day I'm the one in the relationship. thanks for the answers for showing me that this is what I really want.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 Putting your anger issues aside (you really should seek professional help for these violent outbursts, domestic abuse is a crime and you could easily go to prison for what you have done) - this relationship is already over and you are just flogging a dead horse.
You break up with him over the slightest thing which shows that you have no intention of making this work, you cant communicate with him to work through your problems because you already dont want to be in this relationship.
Call it a day before you hurt this poor man again, seek professional help for your issues and stay single for a while so you can figure out what you want from life and relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 May 2013):
By all means, and the sooner the better. In fact, you just to need to officialize that it is ALREADY over. When certain boundaries are crossed, and either party or both get to the point of physical violence, it's not a " relationship " anymore, it's just an indecorous mess.
...............................
|
