A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When you've found the one if there is such a thing, do you question it? or little things about them that just don't seem like an ideal fit with you. I was in love a long time ago. crazy, stupid, love. I just adored him. (I'm over him now, and don't have residual feelings or anything. That's not what this is about.) I just remember that it was unconditional. Everything was right, and what wasn't perfect, I was okay with. Is it the same now? I was foolish and very young and I don't know if I'm able to accept men the same way I used to. I'm 26 now and I'm just wondering if anyone felt the same as I do and if they fell in love again and what it was they felt. Finding new love (that lasts longer than 6 months)is feeling quite impossible for me right now. How do you know if someone is right for you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): I think you will know if the person is right for you if you know each other very well - have been in an exclusive relationship for some time - have seen each other when under stress and in other unflattering situations, have worked together in some form or other (since marriage requires cooperation and working together, you want to know ahead of time if you can work with this person like make decisions together). And you are therefore aware of their flaws but you are OK with it and don't have major issues with them. You have to know someone well. You can't just see one side of the person only and think you know them well. You have to be aware of their flaws. And those flaws have to be within your level of tolerance. And you have to have more positive than negative experiences when it comes to handling disagreements and conflicts.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 December 2012):
Take it from experience. Im 44 and just getting married this year.
You know when you dont have to ask anymore....
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 There is really no "perfect" person for anyone. I too was like you at one point of time and when I was with this particular guy, I was madly besotted with him. I thought that this was what people meant when they spoke about "eternal love"! I was oblivious to everything else, I thought he was perfect and what little flaws he had were happily overlooked by me. However, the bubble burst very soon and I started seeing this guy like everyone else did. That was when I realized that there is no such thing as a perfect person. Of course I broke up with him after that but that's a whole another story.
Anyway, to get back to your question, "how do you know if someone is right for you", a lot of factors go in making someone "right". I think you need to be on the same level mentally, to a large extent your educational levels need to match, your family backgrounds, your ideas about life and children and your morals and principles need to match. Its a combination of all these factors. You need to respect each other and accept each other despite all the flaws because no one is perfect. If it makes you feel any better, then I'm almost 30 and on the same page as you, I don't have it figured out either! But I know one thing for sure, I'll never settle for second best!
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A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Hello,I find it is more about how compatible you are with someone. If you have different interests, different ideas, or especially if you have different morals then that person may not be right for you. It's also about how much do you have to compromise with the person. Is it too much or can you live comfortably? Do you enjoy your time with the person? Can you live in the same place as this person and be happy? And most important of all....are you happy with being in a relationship with this person. Honestly, it's hard sometimes to know if a person is right for you. Sometimes you know right away and other times it takes awhile. I would base it on how happy you are with the person and how that person treats you. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): I struggle with this question constantly. However, I feel the right person for you makes you genuinely happy--simply by who they are, not by what they have. They also accept you for who you are and support you for what you do. You see eye-to-eye on many things--and have a handful of pop culture elements in common (music, movies, etc.) They are on the same page as you--as far as how fast and far you want the relationship to progress (marriage? kids?). And they are your best friend--they tell you things that might be hurtful, at times. But they don't do it to be hurtful; they do it because they want to tell you everything. That's how close they feel to you. But most importantly, they are willing to work at your relationship as much as you. A relationship takes work and compromise. If they put forth the effort, and you do, too, it's clear that both of you want it to work--and see it moving to a long-term place. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 This is the $64,000 question and I think most of us would love to know the precise answer to this one. I dont think there is a precise answer to this one on one level. For me its all about the mix, the blend, the chemistry, call it what you will. I think your partner should be somebody who brings out the best of you and that should be true of the relationship. I dont think you have to have everything in common, in fact, I think its better if you dont. People who are each others mirror image often dont make good partners. I've come to the view that understanding is important, if your partner doesnt understand you as a person then they will unlikely to be able to properly care for and appreciate you as a person and the relationship wont last. In some ways, I think this is more than important than caring right from the get go, understanding tends to lead logically to some degree of caring, so id advise you to look for somebody who you connect with and you feel understands you and all your quirks as a person. The reason it is hard to precisely answer this question is that chemistry changes and evolves - relationships change people whether they are aware of it or not and as they change and develop so does the dynamics of the relationship itself, so this is why you will find some relationships die a natural death, people just literally evolve in a different direction. Obviously you need to look for all the normal things, attraction, etc, whatever traits you like in a partner but my main advice would to be look for the right chemistry and when you find that you will know its with the right person.
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