A
male
age
30-35,
*aeys
writes:So I dated a girl for 3 years, invested everything I had into the relationship: my time, my money (albeit we started dating when I was only 15 years of age) and she absolutely drove me into the ground.I found out halfway through the relationship she had gotten drunk at a party and slept with one of my mates at the time, proceeding to then take the moral high ground about it, having me subsequently dump her on the spot after puking my guts up at the fact she decided to tell me right after I had slept with her.And yes, I stayed her with her for another 1.5 years, but I loved more than anything else in the world, and being a child I didn't know any better at the time. She subsequently went on to do whatever she wanted, which including fucking 3 of my mates at a party in one night and even sleeping with a 25 year old lesbian woman (who also harassed me out of my job, and slashed my tyres at one point) and spreading rumours about me to the pint where I ended up losing my job, and literally every friend I had due to bullying at school, and then tried to an hero and was almost successful, due to having my stomach pumped just in time. I even ended up finishing High School without my diploma due to everything she put me through, along with Depression/Anxiety on the side. Every time I apply for a job, I never seem to be able to get it (despite 2 years Retail experience and half a year of Hospitality) and recently found out my old Employer (me and my ex used to work together) has also been spreading rumours about me and continuing to ruin my life even though I've tried hard to break away from her and the nonsense that follows in tail. She got away scot free, still didn't give a flying fuck about anyone but herself and never has, and her mother knows nothing of all the trashy, disgustingly un-classy things she was up to (and most likely still is). And yet I still care about her and miss her to this day. Now I'm 19 years old, unable to get a job and I don't have a single friend to my name.Is there absolutely anyway I'll be able to get over her, and move past what she did to me? What am I supposed to do with my life now?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (28 December 2012):
You're 19 years old and have your entire life in front of you. Trust me, in five years you'll look back and regret every moment you wasted fawning over this girl. You have a chance to cut those losses right now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): What you could do with your life now is to get some counselling for your past relationship/depression and get back into school. The best `revenge` is to live well and in order to do that, you need money. And you wont get much of that without a good education under your belt. So start from the ground up and reinvent yourself. This girl is undateable and that should have been obvious after she slept with your first friend. Choosing to stick with it and carry on for another 15 months was YOUR choice. You had found out what she was capable of but still chose to stay with her, so you cant be angry at her. She is what she is. You CHOSE to be with the person you have described, while most would have been running in the opposite direction! So accept that you made a poor choice and turn all that negative energy you are feeling into something positive and use it to start rebuilding your life. You have only just started out and it will get better if you want it to. It is up to you.
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A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Hello,I'm sorry that you wasted all that time with this girl who likes to play games. The only advice I can give you right now is to keep your head held high, DON'T date until you are 100% over her, and NEVER EVER have anything to do with her again. Have you ever thought about moving to a different city? You might have better luck getting a job elsewhere then a job in your area. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 "And yet I still care about her and miss her to this day. Now I'm 19 years old, unable to get a job and I don't have a single friend to my name."
You credit her with far too much, and give her far too much meaning. Rumours would be just rumours, and you can't be fired because of a rumour. However you almost seem to believe these rumours yourself. But I very much doubt she is the cause of everything. You can't get a job because you are young, and the job market isn't easy to get into for a young person with little to no experience. Yes, you have your little bit of experience, but along comes someone who is older than you, and they will get the job. That part has nothing to do with your ex, and any grown person who chooses to believe in rumours is dumb, and not someone you'd like to work for anyway. However, I really do not believe that any rumour is the reason why you can't get a job.
As for friends, maybe there weren't such good friends of yours to begin with, since they dropped out? I know no silly rumour spread by an ex could ever get my friends to ditch me, it is far too easy to see where such a rumour would come from. I hate to break it to you, but the more likley cause for your friends leaving you is that you are obsessing over your ex, probably you isolated yourself because of the events in the relationship, and because of the break-up. Believing that they believed in rumpurs you could have pushed your friends away, and it would be your own doing. Not hers.
All through your post I read a lot of self pity, that you take no responsibility for your own life, and that you blame every bad thing you've so far come across on her. You have tunnel vision. You only see her, her actions, and nothing else. You don't pay attention to what YOU have done to contribute to losing a job, losing friends, not getting your diploma.
Your ex is not to "blame" for your depression, or break-down. Sure, what she did was wrong. But life can suck, and you run into stupid people all the time, and if you're going to leave it up to OTHERS all the time then no wonder your life isn't on the right track. Because it is not up to OTHERS to make sure you are happy and do well at work or at school. That is YOUR job.
My intention is to make you realize that you have control over your life. Your ex doesn't control your life any more than you LET her. True friends wont care what a cheating ex thinks or says, and will follow their own instincts. A boss will watch your ACTIONS rather than rumours, to see if you are fit for a job or not. And as for your diploma, that entirely rests on you to focus on studies, and to perform well. If you find yourself distracted by your ex, then remove yourself even further from her, or practice control over your own mind.
If you truly feel that rumours spread by your ex is what makes life unbearable for you, then MOVE. Take responsibility for your own life rather than sit and sulk about it. If things don't work out for you where you are now, try somewhere else.
As for this: "and then tried to an hero and was almost successful, due to having my stomach pumped just in time". What do you mean? This sentence makes no sence. Did you drink too much and almost died of alcohol poisoning? Then stop wasting your life away with booze. You can not blame your ex for YOUR actions. Recognize that you have absolute control over your own life, and take responsibility for yourself.
And can you get over her? Yes you can. Can you move on? Yes you can. You're not the first to be cheated on, or to have rumours spread about you. If it borders on bullying, tell your parents, report it to the police. Take action, take control over your own life, and don't let other people dictate how your life should be. You decide, you alone decide what you can or can't do with your life.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Dear OP, you seem very angry and bitter and who can blame you?You loved someone whole heartedly (100%) but that person did not give you back their all they treated you badly. Thats the downside of love each person has had to experience at some point in our lives. You might still love her but in all honesty do you really think she is the woman for you? Do you want to continue seeing someone who cheats on you with your mates? She doesnt respect you and she probably never will, you said it yourself she is trashy and unclassy, what on earth has you convinced that you deserve that? You have to find it within you to forgive her for all the hurt she has caused you and move on. Stop contacting her, dont ask about her whereabouts from whomever as of this moment you dont have anything to do with her. It will take time to get over her, its a process OP, but she is a chapter in your life you will have to close and realise that the next step in your life is to clean up your act, work on building your self confidence. As tough as it might be without a good education it is going to be difficult to get a good job therefore you must go back to school and obtain that high school diploma and concentrate on that for now. Your asking what to do next with your life is a good thing, if you are determined to make a success of your life its up to you. Goodluck OP.
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