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*doneitagain

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I am seriously broke right now because of him

Q.   Dear CUPID!! I'm 23 my boyfriends 35. He recently got fired from his job and has been asking me for money. I recently lent him 2 hundred bucks to attend a football game. I am seriously broke right now because of him. I know he lost his job and I do ...

A.   13 September 2011: The problem is not that he asked you. The problem is that you agreed to lend him the money when you weren't in a position to be without that money. If you had $10000 lying around and he asked you to borrow $200 so he could go to the football... (read in full...)

What exactly, makes you love someone?

Q.   I would just like to ask for reference. In your opinion, what is a good reason to be in love with someone.I'm asking because I've been thinking about this alot and I'm kind of stumped. Like would one reason be the fact that the person that you...

A.   12 September 2011: I like the ideas you wrote on love, I would struggle to come up with something better myself :) Someone who makes you feel safe and secure, and good about yourself, and supports you, sounds like someone worth giving your love to and having a good ... (read in full...)

Is my penis too large for sex with my midget girlfriend?

Q.   I am a well-endowed male (10") who has been seeing a girl for a while now. With past women sex has been an issue because of my size but normally we've managed to be fine. However the girl I am seeing currently is a midget (not just short, but ...

A.   12 September 2011: You need to speak to her for two reasons. Firstly, it is better that you both know what you are in for rather than her just being surprised when you both find yourselves in the right moment to have sex. Neither of you might know how to deal wit... (read in full...)

Boyfriend promised tattoo so I'd forgive him for cheating then went back on his word

Q.   2 weeks ago I split up with my boyfriend of 4 years for cheating. He begged foregivness for days none stop, txting, calling, emailing, stopping by the house, said he'd do anything and eventually came up with the idea of getting a tattoo of my name ...

A.   12 September 2011: I can understand both sides to this one. From his side, he is one of two types. If he is the first type, he is a cheater, lier and manipulator. In this case, he would simply say anything to get you back, and once you are back and the dust has... (read in full...)

Why is it so easy for me to forget all the horrible things he did to me?

Q.   i am a 19yo woman that cant stop thinking about her ex.. ok lets start from the beginning.. we met through a friend at a party and suddenly hit it off.. went on a cute date and saw eachother every day until i moved into his mothers place a...

A.   12 September 2011: You need to understand that you are in an abusive relationship. Some of the things you are experiencing are all symptoms of abusive relationships such as: Knowing the relationship is bad and unhealthy but not being able to stay away. Feeling "... (read in full...)

He has totally voided me out his life. What is my boyfriend's problem?

Q.   Hello everyone I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. I love him so much as well as he loves me. These past couple of weeks have been stressful and confusings. We actually broke up because of the lack of attention I was receiving from h...

A.   12 September 2011: Stop initiating communication. Cease all communication unless it is initiated by him, give him the space that it seems he wants to take, and see what happens. In the mean time, you have your own choices. You can give him a few weeks, and see if h... (read in full...)

Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?

Q.   would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...

A.   12 September 2011: That depends on your feelings around prostitution. Sex for reward whether it be a job, financial support, cash in hand, or services, can all be considered forms of prostitution. (As an aside, some people would say that marriages can be like that by ... (read in full...)

My ex is demanding money that he gave me as a gift

Q.   my ex and i broke up almost a year ago, however since that time we have remained 'friends' (i say that loosely as its been a very turbulant time, sometimes we've got on and acted like a couple still, other times we argue constantly) he made my life ...

A.   9 September 2011: No don't pay him the money. It was given, he has no right to it, moral or legal. Instead, stop taking his phone calls and stop returning his sms messages, probably for about a month, until he has calmed down and gotten on with his life. This guy... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has no insecurity concerning me! I wish he'd be a little more protective...

Q.   This may not seem like a huge problem but my boyfriend has no insecurity concerning me. He doesn't mind if I hang out with boys, even ones who fancy me. He just says he trusts me. I wish he'd be a little more protective. ...

A.   9 September 2011: Your boyfriend is right, it is not for him to tell you who you can and can't hang out with, flirt with, or break his trust with. He cannot control you, no one can. He is letting you know that you need to make your own choices in life, and that if ... (read in full...)

She likes, would date me....BUT she still wants to have sex with other people!!!

Q.   Ok, this is a WEIRD one. But maybe you guys can help. See, I know this girl who is sort of promiscuous. Yet she's hott. And sweet. And so we been out a bit. Never slept together or anything because believe it or not, I dont think people should do...

A.   8 September 2011: "I dont like men telling me who I can sleep with or not." She is actually right. Monogomy shouldn't be something we do because the other person expects us, or makes us feel guilty about, or controls us. It is not for men to tell her who she shou... (read in full...)

Women: Is a gentle heart, or rather a fundamental aversion to violence and conflict, just a completely unattractive trait for a man?

Q.   I am at heart a very mild person. I do not like conflict. Violence, of any kind, is simply unnatural to me, and goes completely against my nature. I grew up in a suburb where violence was never part of our daily lives. Sure, some kids chose to ...

A.   8 September 2011: What is attractive, and what is not, varies from individual to individual but is powerfully influenced by the culture people are born into, as well as our primative drives. These forces typically affect woman at the social level to seek out men who ... (read in full...)

I am falling in love with my flatmate and there is no sign of any level of commitment

Q.   Hi I would love some advice. I share a house with a flatmate, for about a year we are both pushing 40 so no one young or vunerable here. We are the best of freinds and get on great, lots of flirting happens and the guy is great fun, lovely to m...

A.   8 September 2011: Yes, there is. You can talk to him. Its what all good relationships are based on, learning how to talk about the things that are difficult, good communication. Take a deep breath and do it.... (read in full...)

Guys: Why would you give a woman your number if you have no intention of answering her calls?

Q.   Men why give women your phone number if you know that you are not going to answer for her? thats crazy...

A.   8 September 2011: There are lots of other reasons a guy would give a woman his number. Sometimes they do it to feel good about themselves like an ego boost, sometimes it is an easy way to end a conversation and move on. Some guys get pressured into it, or give it to ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is clueless about other guy's intentions, should I confront her or just let her make her own mistakes?

Q.   Hi all, My girlfriend and i have been together for 2 years i am 22 she is 19 she has just started to go out with her friends in the day that she used to know at school which is fine she can do what she wants i do have a problem however when s...

A.   8 September 2011: I think you show a lot of understanding to be able to approach the situation in the way you do. The short answer is, she needs to learn how things work and to make her own mistakes, but at the same time you can talk to her, and tell her how you ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I know he's trying to catch me, or just ignore it?

Q.   Hello, So, my bf of a year or so and I live together in a two br two bath, I have my own room/bath... (long story). So, we recently had a huge fight and I pulled all of my things out of his bathroom. We've had a problem in the past where he was b...

A.   7 September 2011: Your relationship has a problem with trust, and trustworthiness. Neither of you really sound trustworthy based on your past and recent behaviour, and neither of you are trusting of the other. The relationship will fail under these conditions. The ... (read in full...)

Lesbian friend going too far!!

Q.   Hey everyone, I am a 16 year old female, I have a boyfriend and I love him to death but my best friend is really starting to get in the way! She admited to me two weeks ago that she is a lesbian and she hasn't stopped harassing me since. She keeps ...

A.   5 September 2011: It is good that you are understanding of her situation, which is not a good one. However, if she is going be a friend she needs to behave like a friend. To kick your boyfriend like that is not funny, it is not a game, and it can result in permanent ... (read in full...)

Is it too soon to say "I love you"?

Q.   Okay, so recently (about a month)I started dating this girl. She was my first girlfriend I did ANYTHING with, I even lost my virginity to her...Is it too soon to say "I love you" or am I just caught up in post sex lust? ...

A.   5 September 2011: If you love someone, there is nothing wrong with telling someone. However, it can be helpful to realise that not everyone is able to receive love as easily as you might want to give it. I wish the world was more open to giving and recieving lo... (read in full...)

Is going on a work retreat acceptable without a spouse?

Q.   Hi - Thank you for taking the time to read my post. My husband’s work has an annual retreat for 4 days and it has been stated, “Spouses are not welcome.” Would this bother anyone else? My husband and I are having a lot of issues as is - this ...

A.   5 September 2011: If you had a healthy happy relationship, you would probably feel fine about him going, and it would be fine for him to go. You wouldn't feel insecure about the fact that he was going on a weekend trip away with other women, because you would feel ... (read in full...)

My GF has the sex drive of a man-is this normal?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have found the perfect woman, but that's the problem - she's too perfect. She doesn't care that I've just been made redundant, orgasms through penetration alone when we have sex, genuinely finds me physically attractive and explai...

A.   5 September 2011: It might be helpful to now consider that whilst there is a stereotype of woman being "materialistic, sex-loathing closet lesbians" and some of the other things that you have written, there are also many other stereotypes that woman fit into, and ... (read in full...)

Can you have a love relationship with someone you don't find especially attractive?

Q.   I'm 31 year old, generally stable, happy person. I am making my way in my chosen field of work and have good friends, good family relationships. However, I've been a bit unlucky when it comes to love relationships. No problem attracting men, ...

A.   5 September 2011: The reason behind telling how you feel is that it allows you to let go of your fear of hurting him. If he knows where he stands, and he is ok to take the risk, and it doesn't work out, he will understand and be ok with it. If you know that, it ... (read in full...)

My bestfriend is dating my ex-I don't know what to do!

Q.   My two best friends are dating. And one of them is my crush. Basicly My best friends started dating. She knows i fancied him and his best friend fancies her. He's just a little crush but i cant help thinking that she should have thought about ho...

A.   5 September 2011: Glad to hear you have reached a point where you sound sure of where you stand. I would recommend you take any opportunity to tell each of them how you feel about what is going on between the three of you, and be true to yourself regarding who you ... (read in full...)

Kinky, how can I get my wife to be more kinky?

Q.   I really want to get my wife to be kinky.... she is just very shy (still) in bed and barely like to do anything outside of penatrating. I would live for her to [do more adventurous acts involving oral sex and anal play]. we do [cunnilingus] ...

A.   2 September 2011: Have a conversation about sex at a time when you aren't planning on having sex. That way there is no pressure for anyone to do anything, you are just discussing ideas. Then, tell her exactly what you want. If you want her to give you head, te... (read in full...)

My bestfriend is dating my ex-I don't know what to do!

Q.   My two best friends are dating. And one of them is my crush. Basicly My best friends started dating. She knows i fancied him and his best friend fancies her. He's just a little crush but i cant help thinking that she should have thought about ho...

A.   2 September 2011: If two people fall in love, and are not attached, it is ok for them to have a relationship. As a genearal rule. However, when those two people are both friends with a girl, and the guy is the ex partner of that girl as in your case, it is not a... (read in full...)

My GF has the sex drive of a man-is this normal?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have found the perfect woman, but that's the problem - she's too perfect. She doesn't care that I've just been made redundant, orgasms through penetration alone when we have sex, genuinely finds me physically attractive and explai...

A.   2 September 2011: The qualities you are describing are: Understanding, supportive, and self sufficient (re your redundancy) Sexually open and driven Expressive Honest Open These qualities are not male qualities, they are human qualities. Often some of t... (read in full...)

Should I tell her why she's no longer my best friend, or just allow time and distance to do that naturally?

Q.   In a couple days I am seeing someone who used to be my bestest friend, until she did something very unforgivable! (Too long to explain what happened). Anyways, I haven't spoken to her since this happened and she seems to think things are okay with ...

A.   2 September 2011: You should 100% talk to her and tell her how you feel, but not necessarily for the reasons you think you should. Or to be clearer, you aren't sure if there is a good reason to tell her how you feel, and there is. Telling the people who are clos... (read in full...)

She shared something personal with friends and is now making me the bad guy for telling her that bothered me!

Q.   Hi all. Ive been with a girl for 7 months, it's only a short time but it's the best relationship I've had, I can truley say I love this girl.. But over the past 3 months she's changing her attitude, and is acting very different to the gir...

A.   2 September 2011: Her reaction is a defence, and a manipulation. Often when people have done something wrong, or done something that upsets someone, rather than take responsibility, they prefer to get angry and upset at the other person. It takes the focus away from ... (read in full...)

Can you have a love relationship with someone you don't find especially attractive?

Q.   I'm 31 year old, generally stable, happy person. I am making my way in my chosen field of work and have good friends, good family relationships. However, I've been a bit unlucky when it comes to love relationships. No problem attracting men, ...

A.   2 September 2011: Lets make a distinction between looks and attraction. A person can be not particularly good looking but you can still have a strong attraction to them. At the same time, a person can be very good looking but you might not be attracted to them. ... (read in full...)

Should I give b/f a birthday present even if things are strained?

Q.   dear cupid, i've been dating this guy on and off since april. here pretty recently, we've kind of been having some struggles--he decided that he doesn't feel as happy in our relationship as he used to. i've talked to my mom and his mom about it...

A.   1 September 2011: We celebrate people's birthdays because we want to express joy that they came into the world. He is your boyfriend, I am sure you are happy that he is alive and in the world. If you are, you should give him a gift, he will appreciate it, it doesn't ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to sleep with someone else on the stag/hen do?

Q.   Hi. Is it normal for a guy/girl to sleep with someone else on their stag/hen do? I've known people to do this but I dont think I agree with it. Would love to hear some opinions, not just from girls, guys too please! Thanks for reading. ...

A.   1 September 2011: Some people think it unsurprising that it happens, that it is expected, in the same way that some people come to expect people to cheat in relationships. It has become a sort of norm for infidelity to occur, and it has become a kind of "acceptable" ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want to break up but keeps on cheating on me!

Q.   My boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on me, is over friendly with all his gal pals, always hugging them, getting drunk with them, calling them sweet names, always wanting to be with them, sharing everything with them. He has cheated on me with some ...

A.   1 September 2011: You are using your fear of not being able to fall in love again as a reason to say in a bad relationship that you don't want to be in. Your fear is not based in reality. You will be able to fall in love again. Either way, no matter what happens in ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is already engaged to someone

Q.   I am dating this other guy,well he is 12 years older than me, he is great...he treats me well, and we started dating in January this year but the sad thing is he has a fiancée and they are living together, should i go on with this relationship?...

A.   1 September 2011: That depends on what you want from a relationship. It also depends on the kind of person you want to be. For your relationships, if you just want someone who treats you well, but that you understand that he is with another girl who he is not trea... (read in full...)

I'm heartbroken that my high school crush turned me down.

Q.   I am a 16 year old guy. I believe i been heartbroken for the first time and I have dated a lot and had a girl cheat on me before but i have never been this hurt before. Here's the story, I met this girl during cross country i thought she was cute ...

A.   1 September 2011: You are welcome, good luck, it is nice to see you taking the bright side of the difficult parts of relationships, if you can take something from the enjoyable and unejoyable moments, life becomes a much easier place. ... (read in full...)

I get emotional when I hear about child abuse.

Q.   Im 28 and a mother of a beautiful 16 month old baby boy. Every night before I fall alsleep i cry for all the beautiful little kids out there who are not cared for or are victims of child abuse. I cannot get my head round the fact that there are ...

A.   31 August 2011: Your emotionality shows a deep degree of caring and empathy. It is quite normal to experience a heightened sense of this after having a child of your own, and there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it represents a heightened awareness of context ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's lifelong friend is a gorgeous stripper. How can I be less jealous?

Q.   Hey there, I am in an interesting predicament. My bf and I have been together for 8 months, and we are very much in love. I am conflicted over his relationship with his life-long female friend. She is very attractive (and a stripper), and h...

A.   31 August 2011: It is natural that you feel jealous, you feel this way because you view her as a threat to your relationship. Even if you aren't worried intellectually, subconsciously and emotionally you view her as a threat because she is attractive and desirable. ... (read in full...)

I know he truly wants us both!!!

Q.   hello, I'm not sure what to do about a situation I've been involved with for two years and need other peoples advice! i met a man by accident two years ago. from the moment we started talking we couldn't leave each other alone. texts run into at ...

A.   31 August 2011: Ah, I understand, forgive my presumption :) I know it takes discipline, but don't even read them. Just use the delete key. You don't need to know what he has to say. ... (read in full...)

I'm heartbroken that my high school crush turned me down.

Q.   I am a 16 year old guy. I believe i been heartbroken for the first time and I have dated a lot and had a girl cheat on me before but i have never been this hurt before. Here's the story, I met this girl during cross country i thought she was cute ...

A.   31 August 2011: You are very kind, but you give me way too much credit, my thoughts come from things I have learned from other people's great ideas on how people and relationships work :) If she is avoiding you, you just have to give her space. She might make con... (read in full...)

How can I show my boyfriend that his violence toward me is wrong?

Q.   Dear Cupids, Please help! My boyfriend seems to think there is nothing wrong (technically) with pushing/shoving me and grabbing things out of my hands if he is angry. He also does this motion where he makes a fist and comes at me as though he will ...

A.   30 August 2011: There are only two reasonable outcomes. The first is the less preferred option, which is you leaving him. The second is him changing his behaviour. You would prefer not to end the relationship so let us look at the second option. The differen... (read in full...)

Are there any happy couples out there who don't have oral sex?

Q.   I was just wondering if it is possible to have a happy and satisfying relationship without oral sex. So many people on this web site are complaining about their partner who refuses to go down on them. Are there people who are satisfied with their ...

A.   30 August 2011: Yes, you can have a very fulfilling sexual life and relationship without oral sex. It is kind of like saying you can have a perfectly healthy nutritional diet without ice cream. Sure you can, but ice cream is fun!... (read in full...)

My child found a porn video!

Q.   Please somebody help me I need urgent expert advice! I just walked in on my 6 year old son watching a porn dvd. The dvd was one my boyfriend gave me for a laugh lastweek, I tossed it in the back of a draw without looking. I left my son watching ...

A.   30 August 2011: At his age, he will not really understand what he was watching. It might have made some impression on him, but he won't really understand its meaning, so in the greater scheme of things this event is not likely to have any impact at all on his ... (read in full...)

My friend flirts with my crush

Q.   I am really conflicted over a situation I'm in. I regard myself as someone who's genuine and has a good moral compass. Recently I met someone in a professional sense that I developed a crush on over time. This chap is married with children. I ...

A.   30 August 2011: This is an interesting question. Your main question based on your follow up, is regarding your friend's behaviour towards you. Normally I would say that if you liked a guy and told your friend you liked him, her current behaviour would be compe... (read in full...)

I'm heartbroken that my high school crush turned me down.

Q.   I am a 16 year old guy. I believe i been heartbroken for the first time and I have dated a lot and had a girl cheat on me before but i have never been this hurt before. Here's the story, I met this girl during cross country i thought she was cute ...

A.   30 August 2011: You are welcome. I would encourage you to speak to her and express your feelings. You might not get everything you want, but you have a better chance of getting what you want if you say something, rather than saying nothing. More importantly, when ... (read in full...)

I know he truly wants us both!!!

Q.   hello, I'm not sure what to do about a situation I've been involved with for two years and need other peoples advice! i met a man by accident two years ago. from the moment we started talking we couldn't leave each other alone. texts run into at ...

A.   30 August 2011: You are welcome, I am glad you have taken something from choosing to seek out advice here. It is interesting that you say you "asked him to let me move on", it is probably a subtle indication of your style of relating. You probably tend to be a ... (read in full...)

I'm heartbroken that my high school crush turned me down.

Q.   I am a 16 year old guy. I believe i been heartbroken for the first time and I have dated a lot and had a girl cheat on me before but i have never been this hurt before. Here's the story, I met this girl during cross country i thought she was cute ...

A.   29 August 2011: She is at an age where she is having a hard time dealing with all of the different feelings she is experiencing. Part of relationships in your teenage years is having experiences where you learn about the different feelings you can have and ... (read in full...)

I know he truly wants us both!!!

Q.   hello, I'm not sure what to do about a situation I've been involved with for two years and need other peoples advice! i met a man by accident two years ago. from the moment we started talking we couldn't leave each other alone. texts run into at ...

A.   29 August 2011: Having love and having a relationship are two different things. You may love this guy, and he may love you, but he is not in a position to give you a relationship because he is choosing another one. Give him your love and support to the relationship ... (read in full...)

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