Siblings before spouse and family
Q. I have been married 14 years to the love of my life, and she claims the same is true for her. But in the last couple of years she has been funneling a lot of our money to her sister. She's done this without telling me. Lately it's only one sister, ...
A. 4 June 2011: Your wife has no right to take funds that belong to both of you and do anything with it without your agreement, if they are joint finances it takes a joint agreement, it is not her money to give. Not only did she not have your consent, she did not ... (read in full...)
Should I pay my boyfriend or should he work for free?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and six months. He has a handyman business. I need electrical and plumbing work done should i pay him to do the work?...
A. 4 June 2011: I would think yes, there will be costs involved to him, so I don't think you can assume that you could get him to do the work and not pay him, which would mean him having to pay for part of the repairs out of his pocket. It might be different if it ... (read in full...)
I hate myself and can't forgive myself for what I'm doing to him, the relationship
Q. This is my first serious break up. we were long distance for years, he in the military, me in college and a little post-college. He got out of the military, we both started law school in the same town. After having been a couple and having trial ...
A. 2 June 2011: You are welcome, break ups can be hard, so try as best you can to be kind to yourself and not be too hard on yourself while going through it. Good luck!... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to tell my mom I want birth control...
Q. im 18/f and my boyfriend is 19/m My mum has told me in the past, before i ever had a boyfriend, that she's aware that i'm at the age where ill start to get sexually active. I never had a boyfriend during high school or anything and never have d...
A. 1 June 2011: You sound like a very smart girl and you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you are going through this process at the pace that you want to, and your boyfriend cares about this and is letting you dictate the pace, great.
You a... (read in full...)
Big boys do cry?
Q. So a while back in my relationship I was chatting with an exboyfriend on facebook....mainly because my mate and I were going through some hard times. I have never cheated nor have I thought about it, nor do I desire to.....even on our worst of ...
A. 31 May 2011: Tears can be manipulative, but in general, I think that it is very healthy for people to cry when they are sad or feel the need to, especially men, and that it should definitely be more accepted by society. If people (especially men) had more ... (read in full...)
I hate myself and can't forgive myself for what I'm doing to him, the relationship
Q. This is my first serious break up. we were long distance for years, he in the military, me in college and a little post-college. He got out of the military, we both started law school in the same town. After having been a couple and having trial ...
A. 31 May 2011: You say that you hate youself for not feeling more. No human has control over how much they do or don't feel for another, we do not determine the strength of these feelings. At least, I don't know anyone who could control their feelings to love ... (read in full...)
Should I have looked at boyfriend's facebook because he forgot to log out?
Q. Maybe this is a stupid question but is it wrong of me to take a peek at my boyfriends facebook when he left it logged in by mistake? I guess it was more out of curiosity but I did leave him a silly message telling him to make sure he logs out next ...
A. 31 May 2011: Technically yes it isn't right to look unless he has given you his permission, it is private, but you weren't sneaky about it and you let him know by sending him the message that you had seen it. It is also his responsibility to keep his private ... (read in full...)
Husband left me for another woman. Is it just a rebound?
Q. My husband left me three months ago for a much younger woman (he is 32, she is 21). I am devastated, we have four children together and it is heartybreaking that every other weekend they are staying at her house. (he moved straight in with her!). He ...
A. 31 May 2011: There is no telling. It could be a reboud, it could last 50 years. At this stage it would be pure speculation on anyone's part, even his and yours. We can't know how our choices will affect the outcome, so no one knows what the outcome will be of ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is emotionally blackmailing me unless I agree with her!
Q. I’ve been with my gf for almost 11 months, and we just had a conversation that severely divides and strains us. She’s 25. I’m 26. We’re both Asians. My mom had wanted me to clean her dryer front trapped lint for some time at her home. While cleaning ...
A. 31 May 2011: Your gut instinct is correct, this is a kind of blackmail or manipulation, but she may not mean to be doing it. There is a problem with the logic. She takes this to mean that you would pay for your parents but not her parents. What you are actually ... (read in full...)
Can a serial cheater stop?
Q. I am seeking advice from men who have cheated repeatedly or other wives who have been married to serial cheaters. I have been married for 11 years and I have been able to prove and also receive confessions from my husband that he has cheated 5 ...
A. 31 May 2011: I would say it is far more likely he has cheated more times, and that you only know about the time you have caught him. Your intuition tells you this too.
Let me ask you this: Is there any reason why he would stop cheating? Every time he has chea... (read in full...)
Girlfriend Kissing Problems
Q. hello, i have been going out with this girl for a week short of a month and i really like her. The problem is that she hasnt had alot of serious realtionships before and is SUPER shy when it comes to kissing. we havent even made out yet. i am 16 and ...
A. 31 May 2011: This might put her in a difficult spot. She might like you but not feel ready, or she might like you but want to wait until she really likes you and is really very close to you and comfortable before she will kiss you. When you ask her, she might ... (read in full...)
He denies sleeping with her, but she is saying it is true!
Q. I am four month pregnant with my boyfriends baby, I found Messages on his facebook suggesting he was doing something. I've asked him and he says he hasn't, I have asked her and she tells me that he has been seeing her and that they have had sex more...
A. 31 May 2011: If I were in his position, I would do whatever it takes to earn your trust. If I had to drive you to her house so you could have that conversation, and see for your own eyes, I would do it. I would do whatever it takes. What is he doing to show you ... (read in full...)
Am I just an arrogant american?
Q. Is it wrong for thinking my home country (U.S.A.) is the greatest country in the world? I come from a military family, and have such a deep respect for our armed forces. I am not the most patriotic person in the world, of course I do not trust the ...
A. 31 May 2011: On what basis is any country "the best" or "greatest" in comparison to any other? The point from which you choose this is arbitrary, purely subjective. It is like one person saying pizza is the best and another saying a burger is the best. Trying to ... (read in full...)
Do most infidelities go undiscovered?
Q. Hi there. Some of you may find my question strange but here goes. What I would like to know is do the majority of infidelities go undiscovered? I am studying psychology and I am really interested in this subject and I am in no way asking this ...
A. 31 May 2011: There is a lot going on in your question, and in your responses.
I suspect the majority of infidelities do come out eventually, for a variety of reasons. There are a smaller percentage of people who have a combination of attributes and circumst... (read in full...)
Girl I am seeing is very moody and never makes an attempt to control her moods!
Q. The girl I am seeing and I got into big fight the other day. She is very moody and when she is in a bad mood she makes no attempt to cover it up. So if she is sad or excited or angry or impatient...she lets it all out! Needless to say it makes ...
A. 31 May 2011: I find this a really interesting question. Firstly, should people control their emotions or let them all out. In general, I think it is healthy for people to express their emotions, in a healthy way. In our society, public displays of emotions are ... (read in full...)
I don't want her to be with some other dude, especially a friend of mine!
Q. i liked this girl who knew that i liked her but she said she doesnt like me. There was alot of awkwardness between us for a long time and it was annoying, so i just said that im over her and i want to be just good friends. Since then we have become ...
A. 27 May 2011: To my mind, the only thing that you can do that will give you any chance to have what you want, is to talk to her. You would have to be honset with her, tell her that you are enjoying having her as a friend, but that you still like her as more than ... (read in full...)
Why are my parents strict? The rest of my family isn't
Q. My cousins already have children and don't live at home. I'm a grown adult and my parents never want me to leave home until I'm married. I can't stand their outdated rules anymore. When my cousins were living at home, they were also allowed to have ...
A. 26 May 2011: Part of becomming an adult is learning how to have difficult conversations with your parents, and learning how to stay close to them whilst being true to yourself when they want you to be something else.
Don't blame your parents for the fact tha... (read in full...)
I've never dated anyone who looks like him before!
Q. My boyfriend is amazing. His personality is everything I've ever wished for, and he's tall and decent looking. Despite that, I usually don't fall for guys that look like him: mature with heavy features. I usually fall for cute guys with soft ...
A. 26 May 2011: Do not worry about something that hasn't happened. If it happens, you can deal with it then, and whatever the outcome, as long as you are honest with yourself and others, the expereince will be a positive one whatever the outcome. If you like your ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to reject someone nicely?
Q. Hi, This is just a short question but is there any way to reject a guy nicely? this guy keeps asking me out and I haven't ever given him a straight answer because I just dont want to offend him, any ideas? We are quite good friends, but he is ...
A. 26 May 2011: Yes, the nicest way to do it is to be direct and honest about your rejection. You can also explain that you aren't interested in him like that, and that it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, just that he isn't right for you, but that ... (read in full...)
Is my husband interested in anal or just shy?
Q. I initiated anal sex with my husband, we tried twice but could not get it right, then the third time we did, but once again I initiated it. Afterwards he said that it does'nt bug him and that he does not worry about it. I wan't to try it again but I ...
A. 26 May 2011: It seems you are afraid to say to him "I want to try having anal sex a bit more, but I am not sure you are interested and am hesitant to push it if you aren't into it, but I don't know how you feel about it."
A more significant question is why y... (read in full...)
I am still in love with my adopted cousin 25 years later
Q. When I was 17 I had an affair with my 15 yearold addopted cousin. Before anything happened between us I was always excited to learn my family was going to visit with hers as I always had a crush on her. I obvisouly could not tell her or anyone for ...
A. 26 May 2011: You loved her, and still do. She loved you, and probably does too still. In this case, where you are both married to two different people, it is helpful to remember that there are many different types of love, and that love can take different forms. ... (read in full...)
I made a big mistake while drunk. How do I move on?
Q. About 4 year ago, I went to a bar. I was 21 at the time, and pretty inexperienced when it came to any sort of physical interaction. I felt as though I needed to get out and see what I was 'missing'. I was sitting outside of a local bar on a patio,...
A. 26 May 2011: Lets start with what happened 4 years ago, but I want to say from the start that this is not the main issue here, for you.
The way you describe it, 4 years ago you were in a bar and you kissed a girl. You feel terribly guilty about it because ... (read in full...)
Fight for the ex? or leave the past in the past?
Q. A few months ago, my ex boyfriend and I broke up. We had been having some problems, it had turned into a pretty unhealthy relationship and it was time to move on. Since then we've had limited contact- occasional texts/calls- but nothing else. That ...
A. 26 May 2011: This is tricky territory. There are a few things to consider. Firstly, you would need to know whether you want to have a relationship with him or not. You say "I think I want him back", which means you have your reservations, as well as feeling like ... (read in full...)
If a girl gives out her contact info to a guy without any intention of dating him, is it leading him on???
Q. ok this friend of mine (a girl) got into an argument recently and i would love to hear your opinion on this. she is very pretty and she gets hit upon a lot. she is very friendly too so she engages guys in conversations. then they inevitably ask f...
A. 24 May 2011: There is nothing wrong with her being friendly. There is nothing wrong with her enjoying a conversation, and then giving a guy her number so they can possibly have another conversation, to get to know one another a bit better. There is nothing wrong ... (read in full...)
We are close to calling it quits. I am asking generally, what works best to resolve marital conflicts?
Q. How usually do people resolve a long standing conflict in a marriage? What is a healthy way to deal with conflict? what doesn't go away by itself? What else is possible to do, than talk about it? Me and my husband are close to ending it, beca...
A. 20 May 2011: Often, when a relationship has something that needs fixing, one person is resistant to fixing it. Sometimes the fear of overcoming problems overpowers the courage people need to face very confronting issues. Often, it is the man in the relationship. ... (read in full...)
Does body odor matter when you feel chemistry for someone?...
Q. This might sound weird but... do you guys think the smell is part of feeling chemistry with someone? LOL ok, well a guy doesn't have to necessarily smell "bad", but isn't true that when you feel chemistry with someone, their body smell drives you ...
A. 20 May 2011: Research has shown that the our attraction through our sense of smell relates to our genes, and the compatibility of our partner's genes. It has an evolutionary function. Basically, our sense of smell is designed to tell us if the person we are ... (read in full...)
Emotionally scarred by my ex. how do I move on from this?
Q. I want to cut my "ex" from my life completely and its too hard. We live in different country's now but i'm the kind of mug that would jump the next flight out to see him, where as he wouldn't. Its been also 3 years we have been seeing each other, ...
A. 19 May 2011: Maybe the best way to help you will be for you to give me some advice on the following situation a "friend of mine" is in: "There is this girl I used to see, I love her but she doesn't appreciate me, never buys me presents, I am always there for... (read in full...)
How can I show him how truly sorry I am?
Q. Hello, Sorry for this post being so long, i did try to shorten it. So this guy started talking to me a few months ago on facebook, I barely knew him but he seemed alright. After about a week of us talking on fb he asked why 'how does someone as...
A. 16 May 2011: Great, well done, sounds like it was a good experience for you!... (read in full...)
How can I show him how truly sorry I am?
Q. Hello, Sorry for this post being so long, i did try to shorten it. So this guy started talking to me a few months ago on facebook, I barely knew him but he seemed alright. After about a week of us talking on fb he asked why 'how does someone as...
A. 13 May 2011: There is a way you can show him that you are truly sorry for the things you have said to him. You can use these experiences to change, to become more of the person you want to become, to learn how to stop saying things that make you feel bad aft... (read in full...)
Everyone says he's bad news - but I think he's lovely
Q. Hi, i was just wondering what people's opinions are of this and if they think it would ever work. Basically i'm a pretty average girl, not particularly popular but have loads of good friends, i'm quite clever and focused at school and stuff, but ...
A. 13 May 2011: People can be very judgemental. People can also know things from experience.
Drinking and smoking might not be good habits, but they don't make someone a bad person. On the same hand, a guy who is awesome at a party can turn out to be an awesome ... (read in full...)
I'm being blackmailed for having a one-night stand!
Q. Hello, I was just wondering if anyone would be able to help with this rather unusual predicament I'm in. Two and a half years ago I had a one night stand. I didn't think clearly about it and I instantly regretted it. The guy I had sex with remaine...
A. 11 May 2011: Under no circumstances should you meet with this guy.
Someone capable of such a blackmail cannot be trusted in any respect, and he can't have any good intentions. You are putting yourself in danger by agreeing to meet him, and if you do, you are ... (read in full...)
I love my best friend but he likes my sister...and its mutual! What can I do to get over him?
Q. Hi. I have this friend, he's my best "guy friend", who means a lot to me. We have always gotten along perfectly. A year ago, I realized I liked him as more than a friend, and I thought, and still think about him every single day. Recently though, I ...
A. 9 May 2011: I agree with aunt honesty, it is a good idea to tell them both how you feel. I would tell them both that you are happy for them too, but it is good to let them know how you feel because it will help you process your feelings, and help you have close ... (read in full...)
Is a line being crossed here?
Q. Hi, my friend with benefits, wants to cum on my face and I've had it on my tummy but never on my face, I realize it could be some sort of power trip for guys but since we re just friends and he's not my boyfriend, is a line being crossed here?? I ...
A. 4 May 2011: He might find it a turn on, some people do of course, so there is no harm in him asking. I think its a good idea for people to speak about what they want and dont want with their partners. That is where you come in, if it is something you don't ... (read in full...)
If a guy has sex with a girl, does that mean he loves her?
Q. If a guy has sex with a girl does that usually means he loves her? Also If he didn't love her how can guys have sex with a girl without having deep feelings for them? Thank you just curious....
A. 4 May 2011: A guy can have sex with a girl for many reasons, love is just one reason. Some other reasons include strong sexual drives (lust), physical stimulation and pleasure (gratification), a need for intimacy and closeness, getting married (marital ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my psychiatrist. Please advise.
Q. Hi I am in love with my psychiatrist and I dont know what to do. I am tired of waiting but he smiled so much at me last time and looked so flirty. When I tell him i want to leave country he tells me to stay etc. On the other side I want to give u...
A. 4 May 2011: Before being able to comment on what you should do, I would need to know some details about the working relationship you have with him, the patient/doctor relationship. Is it a therapy relationship, or more of a doctor patient relationship? Do you ... (read in full...)
Any of you had bad karma in r/s?
Q. Does karma in relationships really happen? Like if you lie/cheat on/ or treat your ex badly and get into a new one.. does karma really come back to bite you? Any experiences to share? ...
A. 3 May 2011: The effects of karma are not things that come to be immidiately, or even in the short term. In other words, karma does not mean that if you do something bad to someone, that in a few months someone will do something bad to you. Or that if you cheat ... (read in full...)
My wife kissed a girlfriend. Should I be worried?
Q. i don't know if this is even an issue to any one but myself. as most people are aware, the thought of two girls together is very cool as far as the male species is concerned. my young wife and i have discussed such activities, and have openly ...
A. 3 May 2011: Asking if it is unreasonable to be upset is an interesting question. It implies that it might be right to have some feelings and wrong to have others. This does not have to be questioned. Feelings are always ok, and right now you are upset about ... (read in full...)
I love my therapist and she's helped me so much, but my wife is jealous
Q. Hi. Hope I can clarify my feeling. I have been in therapy with a lovely women therapist who I had almost immediate connection. I was very vulnerable and so taken by her honesty and style and her insights. My marriage has always been pretty ...
A. 29 April 2011: Falling in love with your therapist is often a hallmark of successful therapy. Dealing with your feelings of love in therapy will help you deal with the emotional aspects of your marriage which you would like to be better, the feeling relationship, ... (read in full...)
Our drug addict son ruins everything when he shows up. No one wants to be around him!
Q. How can you deal with a drug addict son, who is no longer welcome in the family? He is not accepted or loved anymore by the extended family. Nobody wants to deal with a drug addict. They are very upset if he shows up, because he will wreck the atmo...
A. 21 April 2011: From a counselling perspective, the developement of family relationships is very important for overal mental health and overcoming mental health issues. Most important though, is your son's one on one relationship between him and you, and him and ... (read in full...)
It physically hurts when my boyfriend and I have sex, and I don't like his reactions to this. What should I do?
Q. when my boyfriend and i have sex, he is really big and it hurts. it hurts so much that i often scream quite loud during sex. its painful and worrying but its what he does which is also worrying. when i am screaming he either puts his hand over my ...
A. 21 April 2011: It sounds like he is excited about it, and that it is a turn on for him. He proabably thinks you like it too, as you haven't said anything to him about it he probably thinks its ok. Using his hand or a pillow might be a way of him giving you as much ... (read in full...)
What to do about decietful wife
Q. Hi, i hope you guys can help me out. My wife of 5 years has broken my heart with her deciet, when we first started dating she new everything about me, how i wanted to marry a virgin woman with a good personality,kind at heart and honest. I told her ...
A. 21 April 2011: When you started dating, you put your wife in a no win situation. It was either she tell the truth and you dump her because she doesn't meet your requirements, or she can keep you but has to lie to you to do it. She must have liked you, or loved ... (read in full...)
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