Getting involved with married colleague??
Q. Hi, this is the first time I have used a forum for advice. I know a lot of people will judge me negatively but all constructive comments are really appreciated. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 6 months. I love him very mu...
A. 16 March 2011: It sounds like you have a much better sense of what you want now. As time passes it will become clearer whether you are on the right track for you or not over time, but at least it sounds like you are doing what is best for you right now. As things ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants us to stay in different rooms for a month!
Q. my girlfriend turned round to me as i was about to get into bed last night and said she wanted us to stay in different rooms and not have sex for a month so she can work herself out and that it wont be a problem if i love her. Someone tell me how i ...
A. 15 March 2011: Yes, I can imagine getting her to talk is hard. She is probably asking for space because it is easier to try sort things out in her head on her own than having to have difficult conversations with you. She may not be aware of any tendancy she may ... (read in full...)
Getting involved with married colleague??
Q. Hi, this is the first time I have used a forum for advice. I know a lot of people will judge me negatively but all constructive comments are really appreciated. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 6 months. I love him very mu...
A. 11 March 2011: You are right, you don't know what to do. What would it take for you to be able to think clearly about this situation, to be able to see all your options or choices, and make a sensible one that is good for you? Some people take a few days vacatio... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants us to stay in different rooms for a month!
Q. my girlfriend turned round to me as i was about to get into bed last night and said she wanted us to stay in different rooms and not have sex for a month so she can work herself out and that it wont be a problem if i love her. Someone tell me how i ...
A. 11 March 2011: The part where you don't know why it happened and that you are still confused means that, although you have had a good conversation and are on track again, you haven't had the full conversation you probably need to have. Things are better but you ... (read in full...)
Question for Men ONLY!!!!
Q. Question for men only!!!! Did you go back to your girlfriend after pulling back from the relationship for a while?...
A. 10 March 2011: When I was younger I was unhappy in a relationship but loved her, and couldn't figure it out, we were living together so I moved in with my folks for about a month, then decided I didn't want to give up on a good thing when I was so unhappy, so I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend threatens to hit me, and breaks up with me when he wants to sleep with other girls. He wants me to move in with him. Can he really change?
Q. I hope that you can help me. I can't trust my family or friend’s opinion because they're obviously going to take my side. Alright so my boyfriend of a year is asking me to move back with him. I love him very much but he has done so many awful things ...
A. 10 March 2011: Lets describe the two parts of this relationship. You: Say you love him and act accordingly by your care, forgiveness, support, empathy that you describe in your post. Have great qualities as listed above, and are beautiful and fun. Treat hi... (read in full...)
I found photos of my husband at a big fancy party that he attended without telling me! He said he was going to play pool with friends! I'm I crazy to worry about this?
Q. My husband went to a birthday party for his friends' wife without me (I knew some of the party attendees, but have not socialized with them in over ten years, not because of a falling out or anything, just because of busy lives). He went to this ...
A. 10 March 2011: This is a big deal, and it isn't a big deal. The things that are a big deal are that your husband lied to you and hid something from you, and that after having been lied to, you don't trust your husband. Some things to find out are, why did ... (read in full...)
My married lover's wife found out about me, so I went over to their house and confronted him. I told her everything, and now he won't speak with me!
Q. Hiya, I'm Sharon, I'm 41 and broken hearted. I was seeing a married man that I've known since school days. He texted me and called me for years. Then last year it became intimate. He is a lorry driver and I'm a door step collector. Our jobs have ...
A. 10 March 2011: If you think back to last year, to the time before nothing intimate had happened, but it was going to happen soon, there would have been a time where you would have thought: "I am about to get involved with a married man, should I really do this / I ... (read in full...)
My b/f knows I'm falling for my boss. Should I tell my boss?
Q. Ok so I am 19 years old and currently married to my partner whom I love but I have started to fall for my boss who is 20 years older than me and he has a girlfriend I am really upset about all of this i do not want to hurt my partner.. He already ...
A. 10 March 2011: Did you think you would get married, and then never have any feelings for anyone else that you met in your life? We meet people that we are attracted to all the time, that we feel sexually attracted to, that we connect with on a spiritual level, ... (read in full...)
I've never felt the connection like I did with my online guy
Q. About 3 yrs ago i got talking to a guy on a social networking site, i did not know what he looked like or anything about him, but instantly liked hes personality and i was kind of drawn to him, i can`t really explain how, nothing ever happened ...
A. 10 March 2011: In counselling, part of the way that the therapeutic process can work is called transference, where we project our feelings onto the therapist in a safe environment, where the therapist is largely anonymous. I think a similar process can happen in ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants us to stay in different rooms for a month!
Q. my girlfriend turned round to me as i was about to get into bed last night and said she wanted us to stay in different rooms and not have sex for a month so she can work herself out and that it wont be a problem if i love her. Someone tell me how i ...
A. 10 March 2011: I need a little more information to really say what I think is going on, but a couple of things do stand out.
First, this is a serious thing she is laying on you, and you need to be able to talk about it properly, not as you are about to go to be... (read in full...)
Getting involved with married colleague??
Q. Hi, this is the first time I have used a forum for advice. I know a lot of people will judge me negatively but all constructive comments are really appreciated. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 6 months. I love him very mu...
A. 9 March 2011: I am not sure what constructive comments you are looking for, you only really ask one question which has a pretty straightforward answer that you will already know most likely. So I will just comment and you can take what is helpful. You start... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my ex's brother in secret...is this the right thing to do?
Q. Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the ...
A. 9 March 2011: I think you are doing the right thing. That is, I think that you are choosing to be with the person you really want to give your love to. I know you feel badly that things didn't work the way you wanted them to, and you find yourself in a position ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me, am I overreacting by what I'm asking of him?
Q. im kinda confused and i hope that somebody can help me.ive been in a relationship with this guy for 5 months now. he cheated on me at the very beginning. but i did forgive him, because we hadnt been together that long and maybe he didnt take us ...
A. 9 March 2011: If I was accused of cheating and was innocent, I would go out of my way to prove my innocence, in whatever ways I could, to try and save my relationship and earn the trust of my partner. If my partner found a strange number on my phone and thought I ... (read in full...)
He got an erection from just cuddling?
Q. me and my boyfriend were snuggling on the sofa together, and he got an erection.. Whats with that?, We were just watching a film, not even kissing.. I don't understand why it happened.. ...
A. 9 March 2011: Getting an erection is a physical response for a guy who gets some kind of sexual stimulation or arousal. This stimulation occurs in the mind, and is usually the result of physical contact, but it doesn't have to be. A guy can become sexually ... (read in full...)
Should we keep seeing the therapist?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and recently began having some serious problems in our relationship. We began seeing a couple's therapist two weeks ago. My problem is our therapist. Not only did she tell me that it's my fault ...
A. 3 March 2011: Thank you for the additional information. Unfortunately it is the first option - she is a terrible, shocking therapist. Under no circumstances would I consider going back to her. This is unfortunate because with a good therapist, couples therapy can ... (read in full...)
Do guys not want the hassle of dating a virgin?
Q. is it a turn off to know that I am a virgin at 23??? I mean I am easily aroused and the thought of sex alone, even touching or blowing hot air on me makes me wet...and I have never had sex...and I just dont want that to turn a guy off from wanting...
A. 2 March 2011: It wouldn't bother me, and I don't think it would bother most guys from what I know of men, but mostly, if you are with someone who likes you and is with you for who you are, it won't matter one bit.... (read in full...)
Should we keep seeing the therapist?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and recently began having some serious problems in our relationship. We began seeing a couple's therapist two weeks ago. My problem is our therapist. Not only did she tell me that it's my fault ...
A. 2 March 2011: This is an interesting one.
What was the context of the therapist saying that it was your fault, and the things she called you. Was she speaking to you directly when she said those things, or to him? Therapeutically, it can make a differen... (read in full...)
What do women think of a 28 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend?
Q. Hey i was just wondering what girls think of a 28 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend (yes, a virgin aswell), do you consider it pathetic? I dunno im a sweet guy, i'd dare say attractive, im just a lil shy, i guess it's true what they say: ...
A. 2 March 2011: It seems likely that there is something in you that is preventing it from happening, and it is probably worth thinking about what it is that is preventing it. There are a lot of things that take place in order for sex to happen. Which of the ... (read in full...)
We don't have sex anymore.
Q. Me and my girlfriend don't have sex anymore and I don't know why I treat here great. She never has to buy things as I give her everything or do any house work and cook as I do it all i run her baths and give massages and take Her out for meals every ...
A. 1 March 2011: You sound really lovely to do all of those things for her. Really lovely, predictable, doting, unexciting and unsexy. Keep doing the lovely stuff, but stop focusing all your attention on her, and put it back on yourself. Start living your own life, ... (read in full...)
I just don't want to end up in a sex-less marriage. Please help.
Q. I have been with my man for a few years now and we are engaged to be married in a few months time. Recently the sexual part of the relationship seems to be non existent. Its been at least two and a half weeks since we last had sex and we are lucky ...
A. 25 February 2011: The quality of a relationship is not determined by whether or not there are problems in the relationship. All relationshis have problems that arise from time to time. The thing that determines a relationship is how you deal with the problems when ... (read in full...)
Are Love Stories Real???
Q. What I want to know is simple really. Are love stories real? Unlike popular belief, Im a teenage boy who doesn't want to get into some girls pants and I don't think about sex all the time like many my age. What I want is someone who can truly make ...
A. 24 February 2011: Caring about someone is not enough, they need to care about you too, and this does not happen just because you care about them.
For me love does exist as I have experienced it, in many different ways. There are many different ways to love som... (read in full...)
Could it really happen that I might not know about a baby resulting from a one-night stand?
Q. Over a year and I half ago I had my only one night stand of my life. There was alot to drink, sex with and without a condom, although I never "finished" inside her. I woke up the next morning and felt sick to my stomach with disgust. This was ...
A. 24 February 2011: Yes, it is possible to have happened to you, or someone in your situation. Yes it is possible for someone to have a child, or an abortion, and not tell you. Yes, it is very unlikely that any of this has happened to you in your case.
The only way... (read in full...)
Is is ok for a married woman to have a platonic relationship with a man?
Q. i am happily married woman and would like to know if wanting a platonic friendship with a male friend ive known for 27 years is ok?...
A. 23 February 2011: What makes you think its not ok?
What could possibly be not ok about having a platonic friend? Also, in whos opinion would it not be ok.
The answer to these questions lead to the real questions.
Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious she suddenly knows different sex positions?
Q. After 4 years of hardly any sex, because my girlfriend wasnt into sex, she suddenly wants more sex and is using positions I never knew she knew. When we had sex before, she would only let me do doggy or missionary. We talked about different ...
A. 23 February 2011: You have two options.
If you are suspicious and need to know to put your mind at ease, ask her.
Or, you could just accept that for whatever reason, she has taken the initiative to make your sexual relationship more interesting, dyn... (read in full...)
Should I give up the love of my life for his happiness?
Q. So I'll start off with a quick background story, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half, I love him more than anything, he got me through a really rough patch in my life (the death of a friend and illness in my family), ...
A. 23 February 2011: It sounds to me that the main reason beind you wanting to break up is your feelings of being uncomfortable and insecure, not that your bf has given you some kind of indication that he would rather be with someone else, or isnt happy with you, is ... (read in full...)
Husband agreed to counseling until I made the appointment. Then he backed out...help!
Q. I found out that my husband has been on sex webcams and been getting erotic massages and spent over $200 in 8 days. I confronted him and to my supprise he did not deny it or blame me and agreed to go to counseling. Well I made the appointment and ...
A. 22 February 2011: You are worried about something that has not yet come to pass. The appointment is tomorrow. Let him show up, or not show up, and deal with it then.
You also say your world is about to come crashing down. It sounds like it might be time to bring... (read in full...)
Am I involved in a possible triangle here?
Q. Hi, We're in a group of friends and I'm going out with one of them. I feel like one of my friends might have a thing for my boyfriend but that she will never admit too. Plus he used to like her, but he swears blind he doesn't have any feelings for...
A. 22 February 2011: It is quite common for people to develop attraction to the partners, siblings, parents etc of their friends. Attraction builds up between the people you spend time with and become close with, its quite natural. Feelings and attraction are not the ... (read in full...)
I don't want this guilt to be hanging over my head. How do I get rid of it?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years and I am very much in love with her. She took a job in a different state 5 months ago but we both still wanted to stay together. Last night, at a local bar after having way too much to drink, I ...
A. 21 February 2011: The things that shape a person are not the mistakes they make, but what happens afterwards. You did something and recognised it as a mistake. What happens next.
Well, first of all you decided that you don't want to behave like that, and you were... (read in full...)
He loves another, and I want to support him despite loving him
Q. It seems too common a trap, I know, but I've completely fallen for a guy who loves someone else. I apologize now for the length. He is not from America, and the girl he loves is back home. He dated her for a long time and proposed several ...
A. 21 February 2011: Unconditional love is the true nature of love, free from all need, desire and attachment. Its easier said than done, but it is what you are trying to give him, and that in itself is so commendable, its lovely really. Unconditional love is its own ... (read in full...)
Having an affair with a married man...
Q. I'm a daycare teacher and currently having an affair with one of my parents. I know it's horrible but I'm enjoying every second of it. Every morning he drops his child off we chat but don't flirt to not make it obvious. But we know deep down we want ...
A. 18 February 2011: No, you shouldn't feel guilty. Guilt, shame, anger, hatred, fear and other negative emotions are not something that anyone "should" experience, and they aren't necessarily good motivators of behaviour. I don't believe that anyone should have their ... (read in full...)
I get turned on by different types of porn?
Q. Hey guys, basically i am concerned about my mental health as recently i have been thinking about all the porn i have viewed in my lifetime im 19 and started watching it when i was 13, basically i have gone through a variety of it some of which is ...
A. 18 February 2011: Society tells us what "normal" is. When we deviate from what is expected of us, we lable ourselves as "sicko". The truth is, we are just curious, humans have vast imaginations, and we can find lots of different things stimulating. For example, rape ... (read in full...)
Help me get my self esteem back...
Q. I have a problem that's been irritating me. I never feel I'm beautiful. My friends keep telling me that I'm pretty and even a lot of guys have been interested in me and said I'm attractive but I've never felt that way. I know it's lack of ...
A. 18 February 2011: To like they way you look takes self confidence and self acceptance. You are lucky enough to be considered attractive, but even people who are not stereotypically attractive can still have great self confidence and acceptance of themselves ... (read in full...)
I still love my girlfriend, but she has cheated on me twice and doesn't seem to regret it!
Q. My girlfirend has cheated on me twice now and she doesn't seem to regret her actions. The last time she cheated, I found them together. When I spoke with her about the issue, she took the other guy's side. What should I do because I still love her?...
A. 17 February 2011: Your issue is not love for her, you have lots of that. Your issue is that she does not love you in the same way, and you do not have enough love for yourself and your own sense of self respect to say to yourself that you want to be with someone who ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friends pressure him to be single like them. He broke up with me, but immediately regretted it. Should I trust him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 14 months. We are both 17. Our relationship has been very good. We love spending time together and have lots of fun. We rarely have disagreements, but when we do, we are able to talk things over ...
A. 17 February 2011: Everyone makes mistakes. Its what we do after we realise we have made a mistake that counts. He will have learned from this, as will you. You are both young, but it sounds like you both love each other. I would give him the chance to show you that ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my fiance that I had an affair and the baby may or may not be his?
Q. I have been with my fiancé for 4 years and we are to be married June. We have a great relationship but I recently made a mistake and had a brief sexual relationship with a co-worker. It was over the span of 2 weeks, and it actually brought me closer ...
A. 16 February 2011: Your course of actions depends on your motivation. Are you motivated to do the right thing, or to aim for the best outcome, or to look out for your own interests?
If you are motivated to do the right thing, you need to tell your fiance that you... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I had sex with someone else
Q. I broken up with my boyfriend. He's thing is that he thinks that I had sex with another guy Friday. He texted me and I didn't reply because I was mad with him. He refused my explanation and terminated the relationship. I really want him back. ...
A. 15 February 2011: Hmmm, I agree with other posters here, there is a possibility he has cheated, though this is not certain. On the other hand, if the guy is prepared to break up with you on just a random suspicion, and not make more of an effort with you, how much do ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I had sex with someone else
Q. I broken up with my boyfriend. He's thing is that he thinks that I had sex with another guy Friday. He texted me and I didn't reply because I was mad with him. He refused my explanation and terminated the relationship. I really want him back. ...
A. 15 February 2011: This process is called manipulation. There are two examples here.
When he texts you and you don't reply, and he knows that he should hear back from you but you don't reply, and you don't reply to him knowing that it will worry him or anger hi... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of my cutting scars
Q. I've got a couple scars on my body from cutting/injuring myself when I was younger. I'm ashamed of it and when I know I will be intimate with a man, I always put on makeup to cover them up. If he does notice them and asks me about them, I li...
A. 11 February 2011: You are welcome, I am glad to hear that you have a happy healthy life that you are proud of! Being straightforward about your scars can be difficult in the face of people reacting negatively as they have done, and people judging you. When people ... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of my cutting scars
Q. I've got a couple scars on my body from cutting/injuring myself when I was younger. I'm ashamed of it and when I know I will be intimate with a man, I always put on makeup to cover them up. If he does notice them and asks me about them, I li...
A. 10 February 2011: The difficulty you are having really comes down to the fact that you feel ashamed of what you have done in your past. If you can't accept it as part of who you were, and part of what has helped to shape you as a person today, it will be hard for ... (read in full...)
High school sweetheart has come back into my life... Advice needed!
Q. Ok im having a horrible, horrible time here.... I have a husband that has Anxiety, Manic-Depressive, and Bi-polar.. Been through ups and downs for the past 5 years with my husband.. Gone through mental hospitals, suicides.. ect. Well for the past...
A. 3 February 2011: This is a complicated situation so it is no surprise that you would feel confused about what to do, and I would say your best bet would be to see a counsellor or someone that you can take the time to talk this through and come to some clarity. That ... (read in full...)
In love with my principal...
Q. I am in high school and I'm in love with my principal. Over the past summer i started messaging him on fbook and after about 2 months of no replys i decided to tell him how i really felt. So the messages went from "hey hows it goin?" to "I Love ...
A. 1 February 2011: The questions of "how do you feel about him" and "what do you want from him" are two different questions. How you feel is, you love him. Love is a wonderful feeling and you should always be happy to have love in your life, but what is it that ... (read in full...)
If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?
Q. What are people's thoughts? If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?...
A. 27 January 2011: Yes it can be done. Whether or not it should be done or not depends on a very wide number of factors, as it can be very difficult for some people, it can impact on other relationships, and people fuck it up on a regular basis and cause infidelities. ... (read in full...)
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