| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Been single for 2 months, met someone nice. Is it too soon to be venturing into something new?
Q. I am 16 years old and I think for the first time in ages I have met someone nice. So far in my life I've been in two relationships both of which have been violent, abusive and I've just been cheated on and been stupid enough t...
A. 25 August 2013: I feel like a 21 year old showing clingy tendencies + mentioning meeting his parents after meeting for the first time to a borderline underage woman (depending on your state), could be a red flag. I know age is nothing but a number, but it is ... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't approve of one night stands and now she won't speak to me because I told her that I had one!
Q. So a few months ago I went home with one of my friend's roommates after a party (I was a freshman in college) and we ended up sleeping together. I don't regret a thing, but my best friend from high school doesn't really like how college has changed ...
A. 23 August 2013: There are two ways you can choose to live--by your own values, or with the view that your integrity reflects how you identify yourself. My view is that she is trying to impose her views/values on you instead of "allowing" you to be your own person. ... (read in full...)
A weird thing just happen to our house and freaked out now should I call??
Q. I was in the living room just standing there when I notice these people that stoped out in front of are house taking pictures of are house what should I do call the police in report it because I guess there has been some peoples houses being robbed ...
A. 2 August 2013: doesn't hurt to call it in...although they're not likely to do much now that the suspicious activity is over... (read in full...)
Can't orgasm, sex is painful -- is the problem in my head?
Q. Im going to get right to the point. Ive never had an orgasm. I cant masturbate. Tried before, and it doesnt feel good at all, and I feel awkward doing it. It has to be pitch dark for me to try, otherwise I feel like someone is watching me even ...
A. 13 July 2013: Let me take a stab at these.
1) sure, you can try to go to a sex therapist. Price would be my deterrent, but if you can afford it, then go for it. Obviously they deal with sex related difficulties all day so having another sex issued client i... (read in full...)
I really want to make plans to see him again, but I feel like he should get in touch with me.
Q. Hello, I'm 31 years old and recently met a guy who is 37 through an organization for which we both volunteer. We made plans to meet outside of the organization last weekend. I went into it thinking that it was just two people hanging out, but...
A. 12 July 2013: You're thinking too much! You two had a good time, what's wrong with having another good time? Give him a call or go to volunteer for the sake of volunteering AND enjoying his company. Ask if he's going over there tonight and if he says yes ask if ... (read in full...)
Do you think sexual chemistry could really be gone and if so, do you think it's possible to rekindle to salvage this budding relationship?
Q. Hi readers! I'm a long-time lurker, first time poster. I'd like to thank everyone in advance for reading this post; I realize it rather lengthy, but I do hope it's easily readable... For the past couple years, I have had a "friends with be...
A. 10 July 2013: I get that you were FWB at one point, but if you were going to take it to a different plane, then the sex happened too soon, you went back to town because you wanted to have a conversation face to face, but instead of having the Talk you had sex. I ... (read in full...)
Uneasy over his lack of interest in condoms
Q. Is it a red flag if my boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms? (We use them for intercourse.) Am I likely to get a sexually transmitted infection/disease from giving fellatio if no semen is present? Background: I have only been in two...
A. 3 July 2013: His penis isn't always going to be a crystal ball, if it looked fine, that doesn't mean it is, one way to avoid having to read him is to get him to a STD clinic. Not romantic, I know, but more effective than relying on someone's word you're in the ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this unwanted breakup? And yet he still says he wants to be my 'friend.' Help!
Q. Hi i have had terrible times with my guy friend. we have been really good friends ever since 2011. We have been very close and had intimate sex. But every-time he tells me he doesnt feel for me more than a friend. So finally in the month of Nov...
A. 3 July 2013: bearN,
What is the point in that? Getting pleasure out of his pain is not the answer-your life still revolves around someone who does not want you. This is not healthy; in fact it's a little obsessive. I would consider seeing a counselo... (read in full...)
Am I a backstabber?
Q. Me and my friend were good friends. But im a positive person most of the time, im quite shy and my self esteem is quite low, but I try. Well my friend is quite and only we used to hang out and no one else. She always used to badmouth people ...
A. 30 June 2013: I understand that her pain could be coming from a real place, like the home, but she is not going to interpret 'assistance' from you well right now. She won't even consider it assistance, I'm pretty sure it will be considered salt in the wound, like ... (read in full...)
Am I a backstabber?
Q. Me and my friend were good friends. But im a positive person most of the time, im quite shy and my self esteem is quite low, but I try. Well my friend is quite and only we used to hang out and no one else. She always used to badmouth people ...
A. 30 June 2013: Ok look. She feels like her trust has been violated, which is some form of backstabbing but she has emotional problems. I mean maybe she's booksmart but she's super insecure and unable to get past her own insecurities where she projects them--now ... (read in full...)
I’m afraid my impatience and my willingness to speak my mind, totally unabridged, will cause more harm than good
Q. For a 20 year old, I’m not very attached to my phone. Call me old fashioned, but I’d rather talk face to face, enjoy personal contact. And sure, I use email for work and school, and find time to text girlfriends, but as a single guy, I enjoy my ...
A. 28 June 2013: Nick,
Almost every dearcupid poster feels like they're writing epic questions yours is completely within normal range (as are most everyone's, people are just a little vulnerable when they type, plus I think courrier and the format make it seem ... (read in full...)
I think my friend has Post Traumatic Stress disorder stemming from sexual abuse as a child. It's affecting her life and I have no idea what to do about it
Q. I think my friend is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. She was sexual abused as a little girl by both her brother and her uncle on separate occasions. Over the course of our relationship I kind of fell in love with her, much to her ...
A. 28 June 2013: Solidus,
You can't make her get help. She can't be your project, or someone that needs your saving. The only thing you can do is advise or express your concern. Problem is, if you want to be brave enough to give her the advice that she seems to... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to send my ex bf's stuff back to him?
Q. My ex and I broke up three months ago. I initiated the breakup because we were in LDR and he drifted apart. I told him a hundred times if he had no love for me, please just feel free to tell me, I would understand since it's so difficult to be ...
A. 27 June 2013: I would need to know more about him..maybe he just respected what you were saying, or maybe the long distance was taking a toll on him and he had no fight left in him, it's unclear, but I think giving back the shirts just felt like the nail in the ... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable about what happened, should I bring it up or pretend it never happened?
Q. Hello cupids. Last night a family friend asked me to spend the night at his house, his mom whom Im very close with wanted me to stay as well because it would be fun.. I am twenty two and thought it would be a little weird since he is sixteen. He a...
A. 27 June 2013: Yea I would talk to him and just be like, that wasn't appropriate at all. I'm sure he knows it's wrong I just think you should enforce that.He'll be so embarassed it'll never happen again. I might be wrong but if I were you and would think back on ... (read in full...)
My best friend was molested as a child and has deep emotional issues because it. I'm in love with her, but don't know how to help her. Please tell me what to do!
Q. I'm struggling with a problem that's destroying me. I'm helplessly in love with my best friend. She's everything I ever wanted in a girl. Unfortunately, she's extremely broken. She was molested on different occasions by her brother and her uncle and ...
A. 26 June 2013: I don't think she's ready to be with someone as stable as you. I think she knows you're the real deal in terms of your commitment to her, and she's not ready to be with someone so emotionally open and in fact she wants emotionally unavailable men. ... (read in full...)
Am I too needy or is she not really as into me as I am thinking?
Q. This might be long because I really need help and want anyone who can help to have as many "facts" as possible, but I'll be as brief as I can... I became friends with my girlfriend over a two year period that eventually blossomed into romance. A...
A. 23 May 2013: I would feel smothered if I were expected to text in once an hour. In my mind, this is excessive. She is permitted, at the two year mark, to retain other parts of her life-her work, her family, her friends. I think we both can agree she is permitted ... (read in full...)
Does this sound like normal puberty?
Q. Im 13. Ive had discharge for two years nonstop with no period. My breasts hurt i get headaches, ive noticed lots of blackheads and clogged pores, and i am constantly grumpy and hateful. What does this mean? help, i think puberty hates me...
A. 21 May 2013: That sounds 100% right. Let's talk about the body first. Discharge I've never found to be terribly inconvenient, is it heavy? You may be able to talk to a doctor about it. Even after you get your first period, you will then start to have discharge ... (read in full...)
Lesbian LDR and I need help. Is our relationship going no where?
Q. Guys I need help My girlfriend says she is not gay or bi but not 100% straight neither… I am sooooo confused …Although I understand that we shouldn't be putting labels on ourselves but I just don't feel our relationship is secure. Almost all my f...
A. 19 May 2013: Are you sure she is "out"? Sounds like she's hiding you because she's hiding her sexuality, aside from her own ambivalence about her sexuality. When you two break up, does she go back to a male ex?... (read in full...)
My American wife finds my comments on her body cheap!
Q. Actually, I'm from Pakistan who came to US 2 months ago after my wife Spouse Visa petition for me was approved. two and half years ago, we met through internet dating and got married in third country " Dubai". I'm 32 whereas she is 40. She is ...
A. 9 May 2013: I don't think I'd mind the comments if you called them breasts, but boobs is very...like childish/adolescent slang word, in my opinion, so if my guy was saying how he liked my boobs I'd kind of feel cheaper quicker than if you used a more ... (read in full...)
We weren't exclusive and both slept with others. He got an STD so he had to tell me. Do I tell him I slept with someone else too?
Q. I met this guy 3 months ago at a party in a city 'bout 3 hours from where I live. Within 5 mins of talking, he asked for my number. We didn't have much time to talk that night, maybe danced for a bit, and I had to go back to the hotel with my ...
A. 6 May 2013: Since you both did the same thing I think it's generally a no harm no foul thing, neither of you had made it official yet and even though it seems to be heading that way; that you both made the same choices to me shows that you were both equally ... (read in full...)
I am extremely unhappy with me weight...can you help?
Q. I am very overweight and i am extremely unhappy with my weight. I am 5'5 and currently weight 122.5kg, i have lost 2 kg but even with exercise and lowered calorie intake it wont shift anymore. When i started loosing weight i lost 3 kg, put on 4, ...
A. 6 May 2013: Something I think is important, and what I am just starting to do, is continue to find different things that excite you (as much as exercise can be considered exciting!) a half hour bike ride, an hour dance session, a hike with a good incline, a ten ... (read in full...)
How do you see someone for who they are? Is being friends after a breakup ideal?
Q. Two months ago my ex broke up with me out of nowhere. We were "that" couple, the one that got along so well, had so much fun together, could party and have fun, or have romantic evenings together. We had just started having our first fight, and I ...
A. 5 May 2013: You know, MAYBE you could be friends with this man if he weren't such an emotional rollercoaster. I think he's having a tough time adjusting to life without you, but you know what? that's NOT your problem, it's his, you two could have kept going ... (read in full...)
I want to go out with a guy I've never even met!
Q. I know this sounds ridiculously stupid but please hear me out. I'm at uni, the stereotypical "party girl" and used to be really shallow regarding guys. I'd get romantically involved with the most attractive guys who showed the slightest bit of...
A. 1 May 2013: Well I don't think anything's wrong with you, if anything you're following your own rules with caring about personality over sexiness, so that's great. My view is, at least once exams are over, to volunteer at the place or ask your friends to ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this unwanted breakup? And yet he still says he wants to be my 'friend.' Help!
Q. Hi i have had terrible times with my guy friend. we have been really good friends ever since 2011. We have been very close and had intimate sex. But every-time he tells me he doesnt feel for me more than a friend. So finally in the month of Nov...
A. 29 April 2013: Get out of this situation and do NOT call him back after a month or ever again. If a man can only express love when he is drunk, he does not care for you. If a man who does not care for you, he will get sex without expectation of emotional output or ... (read in full...)
It seems like my husband is attracted to everyone but me!
Q. I asked my husband why me never says anything nice to me I asked him is there anything you find attractive about me. He said I can't think of anything but he said to me in front if exwife that I'm jealous of her cause she's pretty an your big fat ...
A. 29 April 2013: WHAT?!Who cares WHY he is like this, in my book he doesn't deserve analysis, he is an unrepentantly BAD person. If he thinks you're such a cow, then he won't put up a fight when you find a new man and divorce his sorry ass. I think this person is ... (read in full...)
My friend's behavior hurt and embarrassed me. Does everyone think I'm just a fat slob begging for food?
Q. So there's this girl, whom I'm friends with. We're not best friends, but we do go out for coffee, we hang out with other friends, etc. I though she was so nice, and that she liked me also. Today she was with some people (who I also know). I sa...
A. 29 April 2013: Maybe she knew how hard you worked to get the weight off to begin with and didn't want you to undo all the work you did. If you two are close and you value your relationship, I think you should sit down with her and ask her what the look was about. ... (read in full...)
His answer to me standing up for myself is to break up
Q. Dear Cupid My bf broke with me cause i called him more than twice today. I had some money problem, i called him for his help, he got angry that im calling more than im supposed to and broke up with me in phone. I know i have to m...
A. 26 April 2013: I think you should take this as an opportunity to step back. Someone that is threatening you with breaking up for the smallest things is either unable to use healthy means of conflict resolution or doesn't care enough to figure out how to deal with ... (read in full...)
I went out dancing with my new girl and her sisters.
Q. I went out dancing with my girlfriend and her sisters. She and I are just starting to date. Another girl come up and ask me to dance I said no out of respect but my girlfriend, half drunk said to go ahead. Does this mean that she does not care ...
A. 24 April 2013: No--a)half drunk b) she wanted you to have fun and maybe she had a reason-bathroom, tired of dancing? I think girls and guys have different views of dancing. In my view, dancing is recreational, for fun, and has no attachment to commitment. But I ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my crazy MIL?
Q. My husband 34 in the military while he was gone I stayed with my parents with our 2 kids and pregnant for help cause I don't want to be pregnant and alone. He wanted all his mails to go to his parents house he don't want to change his address ...
A. 4 April 2013: I know that you are suffering with your deployment grief too and on top of another's it can be doubly difficult...but are you really surprised that she wants her only son home, that she still considers him her baby? These are pretty common things to ... (read in full...)
This constant love/hate thing we have going on has me so confused. I need some advice!
Q. Ok, this might be long just as a pre-warning. I'm not really sure what I am asking here, just people's opinion of it really. A few years ago I had a really messy break up and honestly thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. It took me ...
A. 4 April 2013: I'm not seeing AT ALL the love part of this. like you said, neither of you are ever on the same page. you never want to make a go of it at the same time. He likes the chase and the spiteful rejection, you like the obsession and the highs of the ... (read in full...)
Help, dating younger guy, and he cheated
Q. I am writing for any thoughts, ideas, or help in what has become the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I started seeing a much younger guy 3.5 years ago, (he is twenty years younger). I knew from the very beginning things could only be betwe...
A. 31 March 2013: You should just delete and block this girls' number. You've learned all you need to know from her. Try reading books, NOT romantic ones but self-focused books. Below are some amazon searches that might prove useful. Try pampering yourself. I know ... (read in full...)
I want a FWB relationship that is exclusive with him
Q. I have a friends with 'some' benefits type of relationship going with a very hot n sexy guy. He's the hottest guy I've ever laid eyes on, and he makes me wanna just be free and not hold back in any way, or I might regret it. However, becau...
A. 29 March 2013: I think that if things have been petering out between you two communication-wise, he's not going to take the leap into exclusivity.I think not having a label and having a relationship based on naked heavy petting is selling yourself short. Prepare ... (read in full...)
Help! Unwanted house guest already taking toll on relationship!
Q. Right, well me and my partner have been living together for about 11 months in our own house. His sister has just broke up with her fella on sunday and she has come to stay here.. When i agreed to this i thought it would be for a week or two. Its ...
A. 28 March 2013: I'm on Cerberus' side here. But let's talk through it a little more. Having guests is usually an uncomfortable thing. Having a ROOMMATE is not. Having guests means you have to be a host, have to cater to that person, and make them feel at home ... (read in full...)
Help, dating younger guy, and he cheated
Q. I am writing for any thoughts, ideas, or help in what has become the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I started seeing a much younger guy 3.5 years ago, (he is twenty years younger). I knew from the very beginning things could only be betwe...
A. 28 March 2013: Don't be hard on yourself. I am in my mid-20s and I have the expectation that a mid-20s man would not cheat on me either, it's not some given just due to your age, HE's the one that has the problem. Again, the age difference alone shouldn't stop you ... (read in full...)
A man was turned on because I had money in my bra?
Q. when i went to las vegas last summer i won a large sum of money at a lucky slot machine. to keep it safe along with the money i already had with my i put it inside my bra cup. 6100 dollars to be exact. one of the men with us told me its something ...
A. 4 March 2013: You keep your money where your breasts are and you're seriously confused why men find it arousing for you to go at your breasts to get your money? Personally I find it a little unsanitary/unsavory, but I'm a girl and don't really want to associate ... (read in full...)
My guardian wants me to lie in my driver ed's log
Q. Hey everybody I'm 17 turning 18 in June, I have a problem with my guardian, she doesn't take things seriously like I do. Ok so I'm almost 18 and still don't know how to drive, I take drivers Ed class but the teacher wants us to drive with an ...
A. 3 March 2013: Maybe you can say something like my guardian works nights and weekends and cannot afford to take off time to go out with me. I'm thinking that way you probably won't get a call home telling your guardian to take it more seriously, and you can tell ... (read in full...)
I don't think I've ever had an orgasm but I make alot of noise. Is this wrong?
Q. Hey all, So whenever I have sex or fool around with my boyfriend, I moan. Alot. Soetimes I even scream I'm a very talkative person in general, so I don't know if that's part of it. Because the thing is, I moan with pleasure, but I don't have an ...
A. 3 March 2013: My view is as long as your bf is clear and is not misled into thinking you came, then there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. I don't think everyone's had an orgasm by 16/17 and years ago I WASN'T sure if I had had one even though I had, so my ... (read in full...)
What's my sexual orientation?
Q. Ok, so I've almost always identified as being bisexual (at one point freshman year i thought I was gay and for a few months in eighth grade I thought I was straight) But over the course of the last few months I realized something: I only like guys ...
A. 3 March 2013: You're still young and so I know you want a gay/straight/bi answer for sure but I think the obstacle you face is that you have not been able to emotionally/romantically connect w/ a girl OR a boy. Right now it's just about bodies and faces. Keep ... (read in full...)
Is my husband's honesty admirable or despicable?
Q. My husband told me that he loves me, but he's not attracted to my body, anymore. He said he just wants to be honest with me. He really isn't trying to be mean, and he's not saying it in a demeaning way. Specifically, he wants me to tone my body....
A. 3 March 2013: I think you're not being fair. He never said you had to work out, and he certainly didn't say you had to spend 10 hours a day at the gym to accomplish it. I would be hurt too, but if I saw that this was something that meant somethign to my ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't decide which university to go to and its taking a toll on him and everyone close to him!
Q. I don't know what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly six months and for the entire time he's struggled choosing a faculty for his university. He's torn between two- studying Philosophy and Psychology. We've talked about this a lot of ...
A. 1 March 2013: Have you tried a harder line approach? Sympathy may enable him to feel sorry for himself. He's being melodramatic because people are allowing him to be. Yes it's his life and yes his choice is important but if he's letting it consume him. If he ... (read in full...)
Should I get the morning after pill? Or am I just being silly?
Q. I had sex on Wednsday night, I'm almost 100% certain we used a condom but I cant be certain as we had both been drinking. My period started today but I'm still worrying about being pregnant although the chances are really slim . I'm thinking of ...
A. 1 March 2013: shouldn't there be evidence of a condom? like a condom or its wrapper?... (read in full...)
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