| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...
A. 23 February 2017: Let me add, that I don't read this situation as "cool guy" or "sweet boss" but a man that shows he is sketchy and lacks understanding of boundaries. Red flag city. ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...
A. 23 February 2017: Do not get involved. He is telling you he is emotionally unavailable and if you cut it off now, no one (hopefully) is going to hold a grudge. Keep it professional or you risk the stability of your position. You will never be an equal in love or in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps texting a female co-worker and it's getting inappropriate. Am I overreacting?
Q. So my boyfriend has a female co-worker. He told me a couple weeks ago that it was pretty obvious to him and a few co-workers that a supervisor was trying to get with this female coworker, let's call her "B". My boyfriend told me that he told B "I ...
A. 17 February 2017: By inappropriate I thought you meant sexual or flirty. Sounds like this hasn't happened. So yes I'd say you've overreacted.. You say you're all for opposite sex coworker friendships, so prove it and don't have a problem with it. I think it's ... (read in full...)
I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?
Q. I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I ...
A. 16 February 2017: I think if you go out with him again and it gets back to a bedroom, then you need to set boundaries. Or even before you see him say hey I liked hanging but this is NOT something I'm ok with and has made me unsure if I even want to see you again, can ... (read in full...)
I am a transgender man, dating a woman but I prefer sex with men.
Q. I am a transgender man and I have been dating a very respectful, understanding woman for a few months now. We have reached the stage where she wants to define our relationship and move forward together, though I feel conflicted on how to progress or ...
A. 15 February 2017: Maybe you can find an asexual woman?... (read in full...)
It shouldn't be this difficult only 6 weeks into a relationship
Q. recently started a new relationship we've been together now around 6 weeks. he's 40 I'm 32 and we both work together. we've known each other for around 6 years now but we were always both in different relationships until recently. so at the ...
A. 14 February 2017: I think you're making a smart choice. ... (read in full...)
It shouldn't be this difficult only 6 weeks into a relationship
Q. recently started a new relationship we've been together now around 6 weeks. he's 40 I'm 32 and we both work together. we've known each other for around 6 years now but we were always both in different relationships until recently. so at the ...
A. 11 February 2017: I'm not sure what to make of him exactly..he might have just wanted to tell you things you thought you wanted to hear, re: long term relationship, retirement etc. To me, someone talking about that stuff (especially LOVE and moving in) is a red flag ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 February 2017: What's your gameplan here, girl? You've obviously come back on this website for a reason. How can you love someone who hates you so viciously? Who thinks and calls you ugly? Who is threatened by your very existence to the degree you aren't permitted ... (read in full...)
Would ladies be interested in a night of hot foreplay but no sex?
Q. Question for for females who could possibly be open to casual sex or males with experience. I think similar has been touched on before here. You see a guy in a bar or wherever and are really attracted to him. Both agree to get together or go s...
A. 9 February 2017: I personally wouldn't, I feel uncomfortable about a guy I don't know going down on me or just focusing on my pleasure when it's a casual encounter, but that's because I interpret vaginal sex as mutual and therefore more casual/less intimate activity ... (read in full...)
Every time my boyfriend has problems he pushes me away
Q. My boyfriend is going to his cousins funeral tomorrow. He said that I could go with him at first, but then he told me not to go as the service will only be for about 30 minutes and there won't be many people there. I feel hurt that he said I could ...
A. 9 February 2017: I think I would need more context on the other times this has happened because this one seems perfectly legitimate. I could understand him feeling awkward bringing a girlfriend to a funeral if it turns out only a few close relatives are making it ... (read in full...)
Should I pay attention to his behavioral patterns
Q. When I was in undergrad 7 years ago I was partnered with one of my classmates (Tom) to do a class project. at the time I was in an unhealthy relationship and every time I went tto class I got attention from Tom. Both me and tom were attracted to ...
A. 2 February 2017: What are you wanting out of him? A hook up? A friends with benefits? A marriage? I see nothing wrong with you seeing him to make up your own mind. These are such weak red flags in my mind. Flirting isn't great but we don't even have a good time ... (read in full...)
8 years ago my birth brother wasn't interested, now I've found him on facebook and want to contact him.
Q. I accidentally found my birth brother on facebook a few days ago and I don't know if I should contact him or what I would even say to not freak him out. My mother gave him up for adoption 30 years ago and though we did get in touch with him 8 years ...
A. 26 January 2017: How old is he now? I think if he's 18 or older, I would reach out, but if he were a minor I wouldn't feel comfortable putting a young person in that position. And I would just phrase it as, "Hi X, look it's been a while, I know last time you said ... (read in full...)
Is it degrading to let a guy ejaculate on you?
Q. When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that por...
A. 24 January 2017: Don't have a problem with a sex act just because another person has a problem with a sex act. I dunno I wouldn't let anyone spit in my face, I don't know why I'd let them spit in my face with their dicks..? I can see it as an insulting sex act. I ... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 17 January 2017: You can be defensive but know that the level of anxiety you are feeling is not even close to healthy. You are expressing some distorted black and white thinking. You should be able to function in the absence of your boyfriend. I recommend seeing a ... (read in full...)
I don't want to nag, but my boyfriend won't shower. Solutions? How should I respond?
Q. I'm 26 and I've just got into a relationship with a guy who's just turned 25. We've been seeing each other for months and we've been official for less than 3 weeks. As you can imagine I'm still in the honeymoon phase but he's straight away made him...
A. 5 January 2017: I think you could ask him to change clothes because your interpret someone putting on nice clothes as making an effort/caring. Like, I sometimes get fancy with my ex, and he'd feel pressure to do the same but I would pick my times to bring it up. I ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my casual sex guy!
Q. I'm in love with the guy I am seeing for casual sex, I cannot get over him and the thing is I'm getting mixed feelings about it, like he doesn't ask how's it going normally , he only talks when he wants sex but during sex he wants to cuddle, what to ...
A. 5 January 2017: You're trying to turn a fwb into more, and he's indicated he has not interest in that. You're just going to hurt yourself if you continue to sleep with him. Move on.... (read in full...)
Crippling retroactive jealousy - does it get better?
Q. My battle with retroactive jealousy: - It's been almost 2.5 years. Improvements: - It is getting better. I can function normally in last one year. - Hearth shattering instant images no longer pops up. - It is getting less visual. - I kinda g...
A. 5 January 2017: And he still thinks medications aren't appropriate for this level of obsessive and obtrusive thoughts?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got distracted while texting me
Q. Please tell me if I should be pissed here. My bf and I were having a conversation by text and right in the middle of it, he disappears. Stops texting. So I texted him "u went away?" Then about 5-10 minutes later he replied "sorry I got distracted...
A. 4 January 2017: Are you always this insecure or is there something in this or a past relationship that has made you feel uncomfortable with a pause in text conversation? Or did you say something embarrassing or vulnerable and then the pause began?
I think it... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to the news that my Gf of 8 months failed to tell me (until very recently) that her friend was also her ex ?
Q. My gf of 8 months and i have been hitting it off great, discussing issues that come up. She recently informed me that she had dated one of her friends-- who we've both hung out with at parties on a lot of special events, ie birthdays etc. I was ...
A. 31 December 2016: I really wouldn't hold that against her. Some people are friends with their exes and just that, with no interest to get back together. I feel like she also may not have told you to protect you, thinking you might not take it well. Doesn't sound like ... (read in full...)
Do gay men ever fantasize about women?
Q. Am wondering about something, Am straight, an fantasize , about what it would be like to suck a guy off, it really turns me on,do guys who are gay,ever fantasize about having sex with a woman, ...
A. 31 December 2016: I wouldn't worry much about it. I'm a straight female but my fantasies are pretty consistently female on female. ... (read in full...)
Was I right to call this woman a silly old trout over her cashmere jumper?
Q. Today me my husband and my severly disabled son when into a fish a chip shop restaurant. My son got hold of one of those small squeeezy packets of sauce, (he can grab at people and throw things so we always try to sit well away from people. )We were ...
A. 27 December 2016: I don't think it was an especially polite or mature response but there's only so much you can do-the damage was done, you apologized and tried to make her whole. Any reaction she has beyond that you probably should have just let go-it's her problem ... (read in full...)
I just found his sex doll, I’m upset! What do I do?
Q. I just found my boyfriend of 4 yrs silicone sex doll. I haven't had a chance to talk yo him about it bc his mom has been in the hospital but is now coming home. I can't hold it in much longer. I'm upset what do I do?...
A. 24 December 2016: I don't know how this is different than if you used a vibrator in your spare time. Why are you upset?... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's bisexual behaviour makes me want to call it quits
Q. Hi people! I'm seriously lost in a discussion with myself whether I accept it or not, but already when I'm doubting, I already know I don't... Anyhow. My girlfriend and her best friend are both bisexual and they have had a tight relationship as...
A. 21 December 2016: Haha only FOUR TIMES. What. She's totally disrespectful and immature, get rid of her ASAP.... (read in full...)
Should I stay or go? If I walk away from this, then what if I never meet anyone else who will love me?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend 3 and a bit years and we've lived together just over a year. We've just put down a deposit on our first home together and everything should be great but I have doubts. My boyfriend used to be so sweet an...
A. 18 December 2016: Sometimes you might not feel it, but you are still crazy young to be this resigned to a life you're unsure meets your needs. Don't stay just because in some objective sense it feels right-if YOU don't feel right, it's not right. Give him a chance to ... (read in full...)
Is he a keeper? After all the white lies I'm starting to doubt my partner of 6 years.
Q. Hi there, thanks for looking :) - I'll try to keep this brief! I've been with my partner for 6 years, living together for 2. I'm 24 and he's 26, and we are usually very close. He's actually a super sweet guy - all my friends think so, and hes kind...
A. 18 December 2016: I am inclined to agree with anon. Don't you find it odd that he can't go a full workday without alcohol?... (read in full...)
I tried my best and I want him back. But were my words about his ED too confronting? I apologized, but he has big trust issues as well.
Q. Hello, I met this guy at the airport and he was my passenger then we exchanged the phone numbers. He moved to California for his job and he is 45 years old. I am 30 years old and live in New York. He comes to visit his family here, in New York. ...
A. 18 December 2016: Seems he wants to try having sex again. I doubt it is to rekindle a form of a relationship beyond that. If you can have casual sex and want casual sex, do it, but if you're the type that gets emotionally invested over intimate activity, then you ... (read in full...)
Crippling retroactive jealousy - does it get better?
Q. My battle with retroactive jealousy: - It's been almost 2.5 years. Improvements: - It is getting better. I can function normally in last one year. - Hearth shattering instant images no longer pops up. - It is getting less visual. - I kinda g...
A. 17 December 2016: You say you've looked into professional help...have you looked into medications for OCD? While many people associate OCD with someone who can't stop washing their hands or who has to touch the doorknob 5x or else, it is also characterized by ... (read in full...)
Is this sex?
Q. So me and my boyfriend were both in our underwear just simply rubbing and grinding. No intercourse. BUT, he slid my panty aside and stuck it in but he still had his boxers on... he maybe stuck a inch in but it was inside but not skin on skin. Im ...
A. 12 December 2016: It's sure starting to be. A traditional definition of sex is penetration. You two shouldn't take chances like that and start buying condoms.... (read in full...)
Do I tell my new boyfriend what happened to me?
Q. How do you tell your friend now boyfriend you was put in a bad position on a date and dont trust new men around you or talking to you? I had a really bad experience not that long ago and only told 1 person but i dont want to bug them with my probl...
A. 12 December 2016: If you feel like it's too soon and you don't want to scare him away with the information, I would keep it vague/broad, that you need to take it slow because building trust takes time for you. I would also encourage you to talk to a counselor about ... (read in full...)
Is casual sex possible without emotion?
Q. Is sex without emotions possible? I have only had two relations ships one long term since I was 20-26 and another one short brief 7 months ago- I grew up in a strict orthodox background that was never open to sex outside of marriage or being ...
A. 7 December 2016: Yes it's possible, but I don't know if being emotionless about sex is something that can be learned..I suppose it is, after all, we weren't born knowing sex, but I do think social circles influence it a great deal. Most of my friends have had casual ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 4 December 2016: I too am disappointed they didn't do more, like I said before, this can't be the first time this guy has done this-which also reflects poorly on management. I think your plan makes sense, save money now to create a rainy day unemployment fund, get ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 3 December 2016: Curious if there were any more updates on this! Hope things have taken a positive turn, anon!... (read in full...)
Think I love mother and daughter
Q. I'm in a relationship with a woman 18 years older than me. Lately we have been growing apart, the age difference and different interests are the main reasons. Her daughter, is 4 years younger then me. I'm 35. Her daughter and I have a great ...
A. 3 December 2016: Break up with Mom if you're not feeling it. DO NOT pursue a relationship with the daughter right now, or maybe ever. Maybe you're stuck ina grass is greener mode. I can't imagine the pain you will cause this family if you do what you suggest, the ... (read in full...)
How do I get over this rough patch?
Q. I feel so down today. I had no one to share it with so I came on here. I guess it's just a couple of things that have got to me. I have been working full time for a year, and this December within 3 days my whole months salary has gone leaving me ...
A. 3 December 2016: I agree with MissKin-I would even ask your girlfriend for the money back. You are in no position to get any non-essentials for anyone, and I would say a coat is essential. Plus 150 is no small amount! Both of you need to look for additional jobs or ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's libido is so low
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months. Sex has never been frequent or very passionate on his side... he doesn't even like to kiss either. However, recently he doesn't want sex at all and it's weeks and weeks before he gives it me again, but ...
A. 3 December 2016: Is he depressed? I do think he's right that sex or pressure to have sex probably comes up more than you realize if you're an underwear model wearing sexy clothes and dancing (if it's the exotic kind). I'm wondering if there is some kind of middle ... (read in full...)
I tried my best and I want him back. But were my words about his ED too confronting? I apologized, but he has big trust issues as well.
Q. Hello, I met this guy at the airport and he was my passenger then we exchanged the phone numbers. He moved to California for his job and he is 45 years old. I am 30 years old and live in New York. He comes to visit his family here, in New York. ...
A. 28 November 2016: There's nothing that can be done. It is unfortunate that these are one of those long distances that could be closed, but as it has been said-he hasn't shown any commitment to you to make a move a wise choice on your part. Take some time for ... (read in full...)
Am I falling for the same type of man all over again?
Q. So I've been single for over a year, not been near anyone since and have been working on myself. My last breakup I realised was an entire lie... A lie which ended in a court case for me ex for assault... He should of got ABH if not attempted murder ...
A. 23 November 2016: I might worry more about cheating than abuse from this guy, but I get that these suspicions both relate to trust. I think the problem is you don't know him well enough to assess his trustworthy levels. Go get coffee with him and judge him for the ... (read in full...)
I tried my best and I want him back. But were my words about his ED too confronting? I apologized, but he has big trust issues as well.
Q. Hello, I met this guy at the airport and he was my passenger then we exchanged the phone numbers. He moved to California for his job and he is 45 years old. I am 30 years old and live in New York. He comes to visit his family here, in New York. ...
A. 23 November 2016: I don't think he's holding a grudge from that night but realistically the relationship may not work just because of the distance. It doesn't sound like either of you are in places where you're willing to move to the other's location-doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
I want to sort everything out with my boyfriend!
Q. Sorry this is really long and kind of a rant but I need help sooooooo bad ?? Me an my boyfriend have been having a few problems latlely and it feels like I'm going to lose him. We've been together for 1 year and 3 months today and I need him like...
A. 22 November 2016: You really badgered him when he was making it pretty clear he did not want to participate in movie day. If I had someone harassing me and bullying me into hanging out, I would try to ignore that person too. Why do you think being impatient and ... (read in full...)
The guy who meant nothing to her in her past got to live out his fantasy while I, despite being her boyfriend, don't get the same privilege. Isn't it unfair?
Q. I guess the question I have is what do I do? About 3 years ago before my girlfriend met me she had sex with a girl while a guy she occasionally hooked up with watched. They were all out at the pub and the girl was interested in her and the guys ...
A. 21 November 2016: I can't tell if you're jealous that this isn't on the table anymore, or upset it happened to begin with? What's unfair about it, that she doesn't want another lesbian experience? That she only wants to have sex with you? If you're upset she won't ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 20 November 2016: So not only is your boyfriend verbally abusive, but his family is or will be disrespectful to you too? Why are you doing this to yourself?... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: Dude is seriously unstable. He's a walking shipwreck-Don't let him take you down too.
NO reasonable person would tell you to stay in this relationship. If they have, they don't have your best interests at heart. No good can come from the destruct... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: Why the heck are you still with this guy? Look, he put in effort initially, but once he got you, his energy petered out and he has proven himself to be a horrible long term boyfriend. He's putting you down, contributing to your anxiety, and just ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 22 September 2016: Yeah I would just go now. I think you may be responding TOO much to him. You don't want to put yourself in a position where "assertive" devolves into aggressive or drama-creating. It's really none of his business when you decide to take it to HR. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 19 September 2016: I know he's generally been pretty good about talking to you when no one else is around, but if you can think of any incidents where there were others that may have overheard anything inappropriate, remember those events too, so they may have someone ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 17 September 2016: It's a good choice on your part, and I agree with HoneyPie to document it as detailed as possible. I wouldn't hide that you had an out-of-office outing with him because it's not like this event gave him a justifiable opening for his inappropriate ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 15 September 2016: I think he already IS at a reportable level; just because you hung out outside of work doesn't mean that "asking me about the last time I went on a date, and even if I'd ever slept with somebody before" should ever be brought up IN the workplace. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: I agree with Tisha. He is a manipulator and wants what he thinks he deserves. But he is not entitled to you. You don't owe this guy anything. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: Stay faaaaaaaaaaar away from him. Your sixth sense about him is obviously right, he thought he could groom you into his mistress. Technically, what he's done probably counts as sexual harassment already, asking about your sex life is WAY ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 28 August 2016: yea this could go south real fast (no pun intended?). I might consider bringing a friend with you two so you can feel assured he won't pull any moves. ... (read in full...)
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