| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 February 2017: What's your gameplan here, girl? You've obviously come back on this website for a reason. How can you love someone who hates you so viciously? Who thinks and calls you ugly? Who is threatened by your very existence to the degree you aren't permitted ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 4 December 2016: I too am disappointed they didn't do more, like I said before, this can't be the first time this guy has done this-which also reflects poorly on management. I think your plan makes sense, save money now to create a rainy day unemployment fund, get ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 3 December 2016: Curious if there were any more updates on this! Hope things have taken a positive turn, anon!... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 20 November 2016: So not only is your boyfriend verbally abusive, but his family is or will be disrespectful to you too? Why are you doing this to yourself?... (read in full...)
I don’t to give my girlfriend visible hickies or love bites!
Q. Adults only please; this questions is not suitable for young readers. My gf has grown to love rough sex that leaves marks. I oblige but I draw the line at anything visible - often neck hickies or love bits. I don't want others to either see her a...
A. 15 November 2016: The pool? I mean..you have about 8 months' worth of hickies to leave as far as I'm concerned!! Still you could do the back of the neck and bites around the clavicle if you really want to compromise. I personally think since she's the one that has to ... (read in full...)
I just want to be his friend, but he is taking it slow ...
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only...
A. 15 November 2016: For whatever reason he either has little or had lost interest in you. I think him leaving that kind of question out there and getting no response is a sign that he doesn't want to pursue even a friendship. I think even if he were hurt, he would be ... (read in full...)
Facebook jealousy is making me resentful and bitter
Q. I saw a question posted a while back similar to this, as I seem to have the same problem. I recently had to deactivate my Facebook account because everyone posting constantly about their wonderful lives is making me really jealous and resentful of ...
A. 15 November 2016: I agree with Honeypie. Over time, after leaving Facebook, I realized what little semblance of true social connection Facebook offers is often outweighed by my feeling of keeping up with the Joneses and inferiority that comes with comparing distorted ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend admitted he hadn't thought about us living together
Q. I'm 53 and my boyfriend is 55, we're both divorced and have been dating for just over one year. We see each other about 4 times a week, talk and laugh a lot and the relationship has been great. However, I say great, but there are obviously issues ...
A. 15 November 2016: I don't think you should take his slowness as a bad sign. I would focus on the part where he thought everything was going well and he didn't want to change that dynamic. He also said that he could see himself moving forward with you and ultimately ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: Dude is seriously unstable. He's a walking shipwreck-Don't let him take you down too.
NO reasonable person would tell you to stay in this relationship. If they have, they don't have your best interests at heart. No good can come from the destruct... (read in full...)
Engaged for three years but I can't bring myself to marry him
Q. I am trying to understand and realizing what happen in my relationship. Ive been with my fiance for 6 years and soon to be marry. If i accept his proposal 3 years ago maybe now we have our own family which i wish for. The reason why i still dont...
A. 11 November 2016: I can't tell if you're being overly sensitive about the past without knowing more about what you feel he did wrong. If you want to move forward with him though why don't you try to trust him, or tell him specifically what he can do to earn your ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: Why the heck are you still with this guy? Look, he put in effort initially, but once he got you, his energy petered out and he has proven himself to be a horrible long term boyfriend. He's putting you down, contributing to your anxiety, and just ... (read in full...)
Known this guy for 6 days and I agreed to go travelling with him but I don't like him in that way. He's not my type. What I do now?
Q. So I know this guy for about 6 days now. We met when I stuck in my car on a road and he helped me to get back home. Then he asked me for my phone number and I gave him, because he was acting sweet and I thought we could make good friends. He started ...
A. 23 October 2016: Just tell him you're not looking for a relationship but would be happy to hang as friends if he's willing to do that. Or if you are completely regretting all of it you could say you changed your mind and you're wanting a night in to yourself.... (read in full...)
Am I forcing things? Is my Dad right?
Q. Hello everyone and I'm sorry for this post. This is a bit more personal than I'm comfortable with so here it goes... A few of you may know(or not), I've been together with my girlfriend since January we met at University and she even spent the summ...
A. 17 October 2016: I think you've taken on a lot by living with her so soon into a relationship, but if you feel good about where you two are, then it's not a Big deal. Understand that there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, or resetting the pacing to be slower ... (read in full...)
I suffer from OCD and obsess over every little thing, lately the fact that my ex dumped me. What can I do to help myself?
Q. Does anyone have any tips on moving on and rising from a situation - to be frank I have been diagnosed with OCD since I was a young girl now I'm (31) and I feel like my whole young adult life has been a big obsession and worry cloud. I either worry ...
A. 17 October 2016: Maybe you just haven't found the right medication combination that works yet for you. Sometimes that alone takes years to figure out. I would continue with therapy, maybe look into yoga or guided meditation, it seems silly but it can help you shut ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can make him see me for my other qualities and not as a nagging crying type?
Q. It will soon have been a year since I met my boyfriend and almost a year since we started dating. We have our differences of course, like any other people, and it can lead to arguments at times. But generally I'm very happy with him. We're having a...
A. 17 October 2016: I've had this issue before too! I'm also a sensitive type ;) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-makes-un-pc-jokes--do-i.html
IF you're able to predict what types of jokes or actions he does will upset you, it may be helpful for you to tell him... (read in full...)
My girlfriend feels smothered by my attention
Q. Hi ladies and gents, My girlfriend has recently said that she felt smothered by my attentiveness...she isn't used to how much I pay attention to what she says and how she feels, I'm not doing anything wrong because I'm lovely and adorable accordi...
A. 11 October 2016: I think she tried to assert herself but lost confidence midway and panicked because the conversation felt like conflict to her. I would go more with what she initially said. Something that also might be helpful is asking her about what forms of ... (read in full...)
How do I allow myself to be vulnerable and work through fear?
Q. Hi all, I was on here in the spring talking about how a really abusive relationship left me sour and I was just doing the friends with benefits thing for awhile. Well- I met someone. He is a kinder man than I could ever have dreamed of. We b...
A. 9 October 2016: I would just talk to him and tell him that you have been super happy with him so far, but because of your recent past, you don't want to rush into anything or go too fast, that you're working on getting your guard down. Give him a sense of the kind ... (read in full...)
I am sure my boyfriend is battling depression. How do I help someone that doesn't want to be helped?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and have only recently come to the conclusion that there is a high possibility that he is dealing with depression. Since December 2015, I have noticed a serious decline in per...
A. 9 October 2016: I have mixed feelings about your diagnosis for your boyfriend. My level of personal and spatial cleanliness has no bearing on my level of depression. Right now, I would call myself not depressed, but if you went off of my room and friendships, you ... (read in full...)
Will he ever make me a priority in his life? Should I move on?
Q. We met online, he said that he thought I was a homebody by my profile. Technically I am - I spend most of my weekdays Netflixing and Gaming, I just like to do things once in awhile. When I was in college I was in a two clubs and a Sorority and thr...
A. 8 October 2016: OMG. Do NOT get back together with this guy. First of all, he honestly might be a video game addict; either that, or he's super emotionally stunted. To give you the silent treatment for missing video games for several hours??? That really really ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you agree with my strategy to back off? Do you think I made a fool of myself?
Q. Hello all I've seen this type question before but I told him I had feelings really put myself out there and he said you're very sweet. Ouch! Now I know the feelings aren't mutual so I've decided to back off and leave him alone. Is that the ri...
A. 8 October 2016: Are you guys dating or are you friends? What's happened on his end since? It may be that he was taken aback and needs time to process, but if you're not getting any signals that he's warming up to the idea (via contact or increased show of ... (read in full...)
Women, have you ever been consistently rejected? What triggers a guy to reject ?
Q. I'm not talking about one or two rejections; no--not even three. I mean like, 75% of the dates you went on, the guy didn't want to see you again. After being single my whole entire life, I can't help but to question where I went wrong on the date...
A. 7 October 2016: Or just ask your friends, not yeasayers but people who you trust to be brutally honest. Do you have any guy friends? Maybe you can ask them to take you out on like a mock date and then ask for feedback? I mean maybe you could do this with a gal pal ... (read in full...)
He left me feeling speechless after cancelling the date at the last minute. What should I say to him?
Q. I went on a date with a guy I met online and it went well, I wasn't feeling a huge amount of chemistry but we were able to hold a conversation and 3 days after the date he asked me if I'd like to hang out again, and I agreed. I messaged him late...
A. 7 October 2016: But...you weren't feeling with HIM either! So why waste either of your guys' time?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend touching my breast didn't do anything for me
Q. Hello, I'm 15, and I'm still a virgin. My boyfriend of about 4 months and I have shared quite a few new experiences with eachother, and as of yesterday he had touched my breasts. My bra was on, and I have to say I didn't really feel the sensation. ...
A. 28 September 2016: I personally have very little breast sensation, boob stuff doesn't feel bad, but frankly, almost never feels good to me. So, I get the whole "I let him keep doing it because he seemed to like it" thing but worry because that is a slippery slope. I ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to develop feelings for me?
Q. I proposed a boy... at first he accepted, but then he wanted time from me... He told that he hasn't that kind of feelings for me, even he said, from the beginning he thought me as as a sister... so he needed time to grow his feelings... but...
A. 28 September 2016: There is zero reason to wait for this guy. ... (read in full...)
Do just forgive and forget? He called out the name of his ex, twice, during sex with me. How do I deal with this? He was drunk at the time
Q. My fiance (together 4 years), called me by his ex girlfriends name during sex (twice in one sentence) when he was drunk after his bachelor party. I dont know how to deal with it. This ex caused a lot of rubbish at the start of our relation...
A. 27 September 2016: I personally think if it was a one off, it was in one sentence and he was drunk, it's not worth making a big deal out of. Are the two of them still in contact? Other than this particular event-do you trust him? I think you have to ask him to be ... (read in full...)
I really messed up on my job and don't know how to fix things
Q. Hi all, I need some help, I am suffering from terrible anxiety and I don't know where to start. To give you some background. I am 35 living in London and had a job I love for 4 years as head of a team at PR agency, I had crap 2015, my dad ...
A. 26 September 2016: Look, as important as this client is, he's obviously very high maintenance/temperamental. Whatever's been going on with him has been going on long before you got there. If your actions cause you to lose the client, it sounds like that could have ... (read in full...)
He shut me out for 3 months, contacted me again but now is ignoring me again?
Q. So I have met this guy once, it went well, he texts me straight after to say he wanted to see me again. He then had a close friend die suddenly and so we didn't talk for 3 months since he completely shut me out ( to grieve I suppose ) he then texts ...
A. 26 September 2016: Give it a week. If he doesn't come back around without so much as a courtesy text, move on.... (read in full...)
I'm putting up a wall. Should I show some trust and let him know how I feel?
Q. I'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel. Whenever I get unusually upset about something (and I try and hold it in), but he always seems to know that something's up and asks me about it. At first, I play it cool with a s...
A. 26 September 2016: You know your time together is limited, are you really invested in spending that dwindling time in a sad state that it's going away? Imagine yourself 5 years from now: are you going to look back at this time with regret or satisfaction that you ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for allowing my husband to sleep with other men and women?
Q. My husband and I have been together off and on for 25 years and been married 13. He has cheated on me a lot in the past and I've forgiven him, he promised it would never happen again unless he talked to me about it. He works in another state, h...
A. 26 September 2016: OK. My feeling is..it's one thing that you have, at this point, an arrangement where you want him to be open about what's going on and his needs. It's a 100% different thing for him to kiss and tell on the nitty gritties afterwards. I would have NO ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 22 September 2016: Yeah I would just go now. I think you may be responding TOO much to him. You don't want to put yourself in a position where "assertive" devolves into aggressive or drama-creating. It's really none of his business when you decide to take it to HR. ... (read in full...)
Broke up with friends. What was my former friend trying to say? should I be worried?
Q. I had friends who i just broke up with because they were beginning to be close friends with someone I know very well. She can't be trusted. I explained to them why i don't trust her and since we live in the same commune i know her better than they ...
A. 21 September 2016: You're coming across very self-righteous and causing conflict where there doesn't need to be. That response, when that person you don't trust just casually asked about job applications, comes off accusatory and confrontational. What's the goal here? ... (read in full...)
Is it a lost cause once a guy starts demonstrating flakiness.
Q. In my experience once a guy flakes,we are pretty much dead in the water.It doesn't get better from that point, especially if it's in early stages of getting to know them.I always give them the benefit of the doubt and try to convince myself that it ...
A. 20 September 2016: Things DO come up sometimes, even if we do like a person. But if they come up consistently, that is an issue. Set a boundary for yourself, and even communicate that "policy" to them that if they cancel more than once in a row, you're done, or ... (read in full...)
Feeling inadequate and don't know what to do
Q. This is pretty awkward to talk about here but when you need advice, you need advice. I CAN'T get intimate with people, im talking friends, family, potential spouses, everybody. It has a huge toll on my life. For some reason I can't give myself to ...
A. 19 September 2016: I'm not sure if friends with benefits is the right fit for you at this moment. Like on some level it must sound right, hey I have intimacy issues and trouble speaking about emotions, I should be in something where that's not expected. Except, I ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 19 September 2016: I know he's generally been pretty good about talking to you when no one else is around, but if you can think of any incidents where there were others that may have overheard anything inappropriate, remember those events too, so they may have someone ... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out? I think she's out of my league
Q. Hi. Before I go on I thought a bit of info might be useful. I'm 16, and have never unlike everyone (it seems)been in a relationship. A months ago I met this girl. I never really noticed it until recently but I think there may be something between ...
A. 17 September 2016: Just if she wants to get tea/coffee after school, or if you have a class together, ask if she wants to study for an upcoming test, something like that. If she isn't interested, she won't go for it. I think the worst thing you can do is crush, build ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 17 September 2016: It's a good choice on your part, and I agree with HoneyPie to document it as detailed as possible. I wouldn't hide that you had an out-of-office outing with him because it's not like this event gave him a justifiable opening for his inappropriate ... (read in full...)
How do I go back from a bad first impression?
Q. I said something without thinking and now someone at work is offended. I feel so stupid because I didn't even realise it could be offensive. But a TV presenter introduced himself to me and also made it known that he was a presenter. I didn't ...
A. 17 September 2016: I mean...he sounds self-absorbed and obnoxious, and I would brush this off as a one-off. I've had similar (probably worse) experiences in the workplace, where I say something without thinking or knowing my audience. BUT, take this as a lesson that ... (read in full...)
How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him
Q. PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...
A. 16 September 2016: It sounds to me like you've gotten emotionally invested, and that vulnerability has kicked fears and insecurities into an unhealthily high gear. It is not your boyfriend's job to prove himself to you over and over again, to jump through trust ... (read in full...)
Dating-site guy left me puzzled
Q. Hi, so now divorced for 9 months, feeling ready to move on, missing companionship, laughter, cuddles, and everything that comes with relationships. So I joined a dating site, and met up with a couple of nice guys but no spark there. Until I met, who ...
A. 15 September 2016: He may have said this to let you down easy, or he may have genuinely not been sure if you were ready for a new romance. Reassert your interest, and see if it's reciprocated. If not, move on. It takes a long time to find a good match, so try to stay ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 15 September 2016: I think he already IS at a reportable level; just because you hung out outside of work doesn't mean that "asking me about the last time I went on a date, and even if I'd ever slept with somebody before" should ever be brought up IN the workplace. ... (read in full...)
My Granny forbids me to go to a counsellor so can someone please explain if my Mom always hated me?
Q. Please don't tell me to talk to a consellor, my granny and pawpaw don't like it bc their Pentecostal. I live with them, their my dads parents and my dad is in Colorado. My mom is in Oklahoma and so is her dad but he is in a group home. He's ...
A. 12 September 2016: She may have understood that she was not in the right state to be a parent. She may think what she's doing is best for you, and that you are better off with your grandparents. It could be that she couldn't really see past the drugs, and they have ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: I agree with Tisha. He is a manipulator and wants what he thinks he deserves. But he is not entitled to you. You don't owe this guy anything. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: Stay faaaaaaaaaaar away from him. Your sixth sense about him is obviously right, he thought he could groom you into his mistress. Technically, what he's done probably counts as sexual harassment already, asking about your sex life is WAY ... (read in full...)
I believe my husband’s client was flirting with him! She shared way too much personal information!
Q. My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle ...
A. 8 September 2016: It's a quick job, it's money, and she's not a priority, emotionally, for your husband. He sat there listening so he could get the job and get out of there! Yea, she may not be entirely stable but look, there's a balance that goes on ESPECIALLY when ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 28 August 2016: yea this could go south real fast (no pun intended?). I might consider bringing a friend with you two so you can feel assured he won't pull any moves. ... (read in full...)
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