Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Should I get the morning after pill? Or am I just being silly?
Q. I had sex on Wednsday night, I'm almost 100% certain we used a condom but I cant be certain as we had both been drinking. My period started today but I'm still worrying about being pregnant although the chances are really slim . I'm thinking of ...
A. 1 March 2013: shouldn't there be evidence of a condom? like a condom or its wrapper?... (read in full...)
I didn't bleed after losing my virginity, is that normal?
Q. i m 21 yrz old nd got married 4 months ago..I m having a sexual intercourse with my husband during my wedding night...its really painfull fr me...bt i lose my virginity after four months ....only 24 hours have been left but i didn't bleed during or ...
A. 1 March 2013: Bleeding is not necessary, it does not happen for all virgins. Sometimes, the hymen breaks a little before intercourse just over time through other rigorous activity-riding a horse for example. I also experienced a lot of pain. So much that he had ... (read in full...)
I haven't given my b/f oral sex. Is that a bad thing?
Q. The guy I am seeing is really great and patient because I have only ever had sex with one other guy so I am still a bit new to all of this. My best friend was so shocked because he has gone down on me and I haven't on him. She made it sound like a ...
A. 18 February 2013: pretty sure everyone feels like an idiot to begin with, and they feel worse than they are at it. First ask him to show you how he likes to touch himself, and how he likes to be licked, and then ask for a sheet over your head and try that. Wean ... (read in full...)
Will alcohol make you sick the first time you drink it even if it is just a small amount?
Q. My new boyfriend wants to bring over some champagne or wine for our romantic Valentine's dinner at my house. The problem is I have never drank alcohol in my life, just was never interested or associated with people who drink. Of course I would l...
A. 12 February 2013: As long as you stay with your one glass rule, you should feel fine... (read in full...)
I have a phobia of being left behind or abandoned. Nothing I've tried is helping, and I'm afraid it is going to tear my relationship apart.
Q. I have a phobia of being left behind or abandoned, and it immensely effects many of my relationship. My current girlfriend, was originally my best friend for three years and on the fourth year she asked me out. When she goes out with her family, ...
A. 11 February 2013: Sure the fear is irrational, but the root of it is not. Figuring out the base concern will help you figure out which scripts to use to prevent your mind from spinning out of control thoughts it, that you are afraid that she will be hurt out there? ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my writing teacher, and am confused as to whether this is something I should even be thinking about.
Q. I feel dumb asking this or even telling anyone but i have developed quite the crush on my writing teacher. I am 18 and he is 24. So the age difference is not totally out of realm. I am going to college next year to become an English teacher, just ...
A. 11 February 2013: This cannot go anywhere while you are in high school, so yes it's something you shouldn't be thinking about for now. I think that things COULD be different if you knew you wouldn't be instructed by him while he was at his grad school and you were at ... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous or get used to the relationship that my B/f has with his ex?
Q. Hello everyone, I am with my bf about 18 months, I really love him and I can see he loves me,we plan living together etc..Everything would be ok, if he wasn´t still friends with his ex..I mean very good friends. They´ve been in one group of friends ...
A. 11 February 2013: My view is there should be limits on the relationship. I think it's unreasonable to ask him to never hang out with her again, but I do think you may want to ask if they could just do "day time" activities- ie. catch some lunch instead of doing ... (read in full...)
How can I be more patient waiting for him to propose? Why is he taking so long to take the next step?
Q. I have been with my SO for 4 years. I am in my mid 20s and am fully ready to start a family. My SO is almost 30 and says he wants he same thing. I genuinely believe him, but he's been saying this for the past three years, and I cannot help but ...
A. 11 February 2013: Why does engagement have to create the security you need for your relationship? If you have trust in the love you two have, it will happen when BOTH of you are ready. You have the rest of your lives to be settled down. Cherish the time you have now ... (read in full...)
Will my wife get mad if I put up some erotica pictures in my office?
Q. I'm a big fan of vintage erotica and while my wife appreciates the beauty of photographs, I don't know if she is as big a fan as I am. Anyway, I just purchased a bunch of old photographs from Penthouse magazine creator Bob Guccione's colle...
A. 11 February 2013: I think you should just ask her! It sounds like it's more an aesthetic than sexual thing to you, even if the pictures are sensual/erotic. Contextualizing where you're coming from with it (vs. her assuming you're just unapologetically/flagrantly ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is offering to take me on an all expenses paid trip but I'm feeling bad because my Valentine's day present can never match his because of my money problems
Q. My boyfriend invited me for a weekend on a small city 70 miles away. Nothing fancy, just something different for a change. Basically, I just went through some hard family situations. Therefore I'm living with my father and we're both very, VERY ...
A. 8 February 2013: Your man can handle his money the way he wants, he wouldn't be offering if he thought it would take too much out of his account. You've done your part warning him about how he will have to take care of everything, and now it's up to him to accept ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont get engaged to me unless I get her a 20 000 euro engagement ring
Q. Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some more advice please. I ve been agonizing over this for some time, would be really interested to hear what others think.. My girlfriend w...
A. 5 February 2013: Maybe you love her but she doesn't love you and she's shown this time and again, with a breakup rate higher than 2x/yr what makes you think a marriage can last? 20k euro is 100% too much money at your age and given your circumstances. you have a ... (read in full...)
I got drunk and missed my personal tranining session, how do I apologise to my trainer?
Q. What have I done? I've really hurt him:( how do I apologise? So I got drunk last night and I'm the kinda girl that never drinks. (I'm a good girl, i dont party or anything) But I was bored so I drank last night and woke up with the biggest...
A. 4 February 2013: You've been given already some good advice here, particularly by cerberus, but let me add that this should also be a lesson in learning to be discreet. He didn't need to know you were hung over. You could have said you fell ill or you got a stomach ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Does he like me?
Q. So I've known him for a few months (mutual friend) and we finally hung out. Here are some things that happened. *he asked me personal questions. *told me a lot about himself and told me he doesn't share this stuff with everyone. Only people...
A. 4 February 2013: I change my mind on this he may say he likes you but is also a player and I think he just may want to keep you in the cards, so do tread lightly..... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me because of my depression and distance. Should I wait to see if he'll come back?
Q. My ex and I were at school together in Norway when we were seven. Years later due to the wonders of facebook, we got in contact again. We found out we both loved hill walking, etc…so a couple of summers later we went on a walking holiday in Norway ...
A. 4 February 2013: I think his mentioning the prospect of reconnecting in 2 years is his way of softening the blow. it should not be considered a reason for sticking around, waiting for him, or giving him an ultimatum, because threatening him with 'it's over' is no ... (read in full...)
I got drunk once and now my relatives think I get drunk all the time
Q. Hey everyone, I'm 24 years old. As silly as this sounds my relatives(not immediate family) won't let me forget something I did! So my friends and I were partying at a club and they handed me one shot of tequila, here's the thing I have never consu...
A. 3 February 2013: They're bored with their own lives so they have to fabricate drama to keep things interesting. It's like middle school. Stick it out for a couple more family functions and then say, you can go in with, "nothing like beating a dead horse, huh?" ... (read in full...)
I want to try being a transgender hooker. What are the pros and cons?
Q. I am a male who loves crossdress on a regular basis. I am small in stature and a bit feminine so I have no problem passing. I have dated and have had sex with men as well as women. Last month I decided to take a vacation in a city that has a big ...
A. 3 February 2013: I think my biggest concern is safety. You will probably be compensated more for no condom but sex tourism is an industry that is responsible for spreading a lot of stds around. Do more research on the dangers of sex tourism before you commit to the ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I've lost interest in guys and dating. Could I be risk averse due to memories of my ex cheating and lying?
Q. What do you think is wrong with me? Please help me understand:)? For 2 years now I haven't felt like having a boyfriend. I've been single for 2 years now I just don't want to get to know a guy or go on dates. I've just lost interest in guys ...
A. 2 February 2013: It depends.You don't necessarily have to get back on the horse if you aren't "feeling it"--that's wasting everyone's time, isn't it? There's nothing wrong with a 2 year break or longer but it is worth thinking about what you're feeling when you're ... (read in full...)
Engaged but not ready to marry
Q. I have been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are engaged with no set date. I know he loves me and I don't want to throw away a loving relationship for no reason, but I don't think my feelings for him are very deep. I'm worried if ...
A. 31 January 2013: the big words i see here is "I should love him" and "I'm supposed to want" the relationship..the bottom line is you don't, and if you feel that way now, you are going to feel that way for the rest of your lives together too. It's going to feel like ... (read in full...)
How can I accept husband's impotence without any medical reason?
Q. My husband puts me thru a lots of sexual wondering. He lost his erection several years ago, in the middle of an intercourse. Than he stopped getting erections all together, and lost his sexual desire 100%. I mean, never asked for sex, no touch, no ...
A. 31 January 2013: Sounds like the visit to the shrink was a one-time visit. Maybe he needs to go more often for the doctor effectively make a diagnosis/get to get a whole view of the underlying situation. ... (read in full...)
Should I apologize for saying that his friendship with this other woman makes me uncomfortable?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, please advise: My guy has a married girl friend who is flying in to his city for a week, without her husband, just to hang out with my guy because she “misses him”. I don’t live with my guy yet, though we’ve been together fo...
A. 31 January 2013: I echo what everyone has said here- you were completely within your girlfriend rights to find out what is what, and should not be made to feel guilty about this. his overreaction that it boiled down to a lack of trust of HIM is not completely fair ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Does he like me?
Q. So I've known him for a few months (mutual friend) and we finally hung out. Here are some things that happened. *he asked me personal questions. *told me a lot about himself and told me he doesn't share this stuff with everyone. Only people...
A. 24 January 2013: No question 'bout it!... (read in full...)
Nightmares are preventing me from moving forward
Q. I broke up with an ex over 3 months ago now, but I keep having vivid nightmares about it. I wake up regularly in a cold sweat and can't get back to sleep.I am now actually glad that turd of a relationship is over and I just want to move on and ...
A. 21 January 2013: I think the problem is that you have nothing else in your life to replace him right now or any good distractions. I know you say you enjoy your antisocial bubble, but it sounds lonely not having anyone to talk to you and help you move forward. I ... (read in full...)
How do I chose between 2 great guys? Stuck between a rock and a hard place
Q. I dated a guy for 6 mos....we'll call him Bob. Bob and I are both from military backgrounds, stable financially, both have one daughter and 2 grandkids and we're both in our 50's. I am an eternal optimist and a hopeful romantic. I am very ...
A. 14 January 2013: You and Bob have a terrible track record..5 break ups in 6 months.I don't think you're being completely honest with us/yourself here, you could have called AAA, got your car towed, and gotten a rental in the meantime, instead of using your ex's car. ... (read in full...)
Girls: is this a way to spark a girl's interest? what would be the possible reaction, if guitar solo performances (my own), were included in the flashdrive with legal software being given as a gift by to a fellow student?
Q. Hello. I am here for a question that might open a lot of doors for me. Here is my story. I have been lonely for 2 years now after my ex girlfriend left me for someone else and several rejections since then have made me numb. I came to USA 2 ye...
A. 9 January 2013: I think it's a little creepy; you don't know her well enough to sneak her surprise guitar solos. Try asking for the number when you hand her the flashdrive, or, ask what she's up to after class that day and whether you could join her/keep her ... (read in full...)
Self esteem is becoming an issue again. Any advice?
Q. Lately i've started to have real problems with my self esteem. I've always had a very low self esteem and have been working through the last few years trying to improve it, i've had couselling and all sorts, and self esteem has always been a very b...
A. 7 January 2013: what have you done with this new boyfriend to alert him that these comments are 100% unacceptable in your book? If you've told them they hurt your feelings, or that you're insecure about X (your body or looks) and he's still not getting it, you need ... (read in full...)
When does he put me first as part of his plans and consider me? I seem to be last on his priority list
Q. My boyfriend and I were planning a trip to a large city for New Years. Originally, we were going to take his daughter to a special destination (to delight her) but she's not coming (another story). So, we then said we'd just go ourselves but then...
A. 26 December 2012: Maybe you should put your foot down on an event that doesn't cost him money he planned to earn. I'm thinking the inauguration is the least important and least family-oriented event he has planned to attend. In the future, be sure to carve out ... (read in full...)
Massively stressed out about taking a test for a new job....help!
Q. So tomorrow I have this huge test: it's an exam in order to get a super awesome job (actually if you pass this test, you get the chance to have an interview for the job). Loads of people are taking this test and only 35% of them passed it today. A...
A. 19 December 2012: Awesome new for the holiday season!! Continue to take this positive energy to your next tests and you will do great! ... (read in full...)
Massively stressed out about taking a test for a new job....help!
Q. So tomorrow I have this huge test: it's an exam in order to get a super awesome job (actually if you pass this test, you get the chance to have an interview for the job). Loads of people are taking this test and only 35% of them passed it today. A...
A. 17 December 2012: Sounds like you'd actually be "normal" for failing the test, unless you think that 65% that didn't make the cut were all stupid, too! Whatever the field, they have rigorous standards, and it's less about intelligence than ability to master the ... (read in full...)
It is our anniversary on Friday, but it is also his estranged son's birthday...will this set off an episode of his bipolar?
Q. I hope someone can help me. I have been with my boyfriend for a year this Friday. It's also his son's birthday on Friday. My boyfriend is much older than me ( his son is only a bit younger than i am ). My boyfriend has bipolar disorder. He hasn't ...
A. 17 December 2012: can you ask that you two not drink to celebrate the anniversary and holiday because you're anxious about these things occurring? ... (read in full...)
I'm not comfortable with the behavior between my husband his adult niece.
Q. My husband is 49 and had recently reunioned with his niece. They have lost contact for 30 years when she was 9. I was very happy for both of them until recently, I accidentally found their email exchanges when she call my husband daddy, and he calls ...
A. 10 December 2012: I think the overeagerness is something to ask about-he gets up in the middle of the night just to check his blackberry for a message from her, or work or something else? yea...drooling, I'm not sure if it's about her or what. Definitely mention in a ... (read in full...)
I'm not comfortable with the behavior between my husband his adult niece.
Q. My husband is 49 and had recently reunioned with his niece. They have lost contact for 30 years when she was 9. I was very happy for both of them until recently, I accidentally found their email exchanges when she call my husband daddy, and he calls ...
A. 10 December 2012: I would want to give your husband the benefit of the doubt that there wasn't some kind of incestuous thing going on, especially if you see no other signs of it. Why did they lose contact? What do you mean by "cheesy"?... (read in full...)
I'm annoying myself with texting my ex and I don't know how to stop!
Q. I've really lost my temper with my ex today and I can't calm down. We split up because my friend found him on a dating site, when I asked him about it he went mad called me a fat ugly c**t and made out set him up. I'd had months of him calling me a ...
A. 10 December 2012: Dude..no one in that bar is saying you're a slut. He is. Because he has a crazy amount of insecurities--PROBABLY from his own trashy days--and is projecting them on to you. IF he doesn't think he is a man whore, he certainly has associated with a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said the doctor told her she had 2 vaginas. Help! Can someone explain this?
Q. this may be a really stupid question on my part, and i apologize in advance if it is. it's just something i've been thinking a lot about recently and i can't seem to find any answers in laymans terms that i can understand on this particular topic. ...
A. 10 December 2012: I think that the fact that she had to be informed that she had 2 vaginas is a sign that the "other one" is not in use nor can it be. Check youtube I know tyra did a segment on this, maybe there's more info there, but it sounds like it can take ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was never really there for me, he lied to me and gave me reasons to doubt him and now I think I'm in love with his friend
Q. Am 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 1 year. He was my first sexually. sure we do have our issues but we make sure its resolved by the end of the day. just about 3 months in the relationship, he confessed that he does have a 4 year ...
A. 10 December 2012: 1. dump the man who is
a) engaged
b) flirting with others
c) ashamed to call you this girlfriend
d) playing the field while keeping you on the side
2. wait it out with this new guy. If he's BFF with this jerk you're with now, that could be ... (read in full...)
My daughter's bizarre behavior has the whole family concerned. What should we do? Stage an intervention? Get her counselling?
Q. My 19-year-old daughter has recently started acting bizarrely and, to be honest, I don't know why. I highly doubt it's drugs, as we live in a fairly middleclass area and everyone knows everyone else. She's started binding her breasts down (I found...
A. 10 December 2012: When I hear of breast binding I think of someone who is transgender, ie. she is identifying herself as a male. It is possible that the excessive food consumption has to do with this as well--to get rid of feminine curves. Would you say that she's ... (read in full...)
He plans to leave me and our son.
Q. I don't know what to do, my boyfriend has come home from work today and told me that he is moving back to his home city without me and his son Fastforward we have been through a lot he cheated I took him back and we had our son he moved here to be...
A. 10 December 2012: SERIOUSLY????! You've been taking care of your son for how many months and he can't make ONE WEEK at a new job? Terrible man, nice early christmas present. Consider moving in with family to reestablish some stability and social support in your life. ... (read in full...)
I got pushed and want to know..if there could be any damage to my unborn baby?
Q. I was just wondering if any damage would be done to my baby. Im 31 weeks pregnant and i got pushed and hit my back. my whole body is sore and my baby's movement has decreased im scared and worried i need help. ...
A. 9 December 2012: Go to the doctor if things feel unusual!!!... (read in full...)
What can you suggest? I'm faithful always, but I feel like she holding my sex life hostage.
Q. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is 27. We've been together for 5 years, lived together for 4. Our relationship is and has been going well in most respects. We rarely argue and suit each other nicely. Unfortunately we have fairly different sex drives...
A. 9 December 2012: I'd have a serious topic not with an ultimatum but to determine whether there are other factors going on here. I have to say, I'm in law school and am regularly stressed. This has taken a very noticeable toll on my libido too. ask her what you can ... (read in full...)
How do I actually get over a girl and just continue with my life?
Q. So I am 17 I live in Massachusetts and I have a girlfriend who I care about a lot, I don't know if I love her which probably means I don't but maybe I do. I think too much and get really stuck on things involving relationships and girls as a result, ...
A. 7 December 2012: If you're moving to California, sooner or later, you're going to break up with the girl you're seeing now. Long distance relationships with no end in sight almost always end badly, especially at your age where you're really not done maturing or ... (read in full...)
My bf's nervous problem causes problems for us..what should I do?
Q. Hello there! I have a little problem and i don't know how to deal with it... I'm in a serious relationship for almost one year, and so far, it's been great. However, whenever my boyfriend gets nervous, he has a terrible stomachache and ...
A. 7 December 2012: Why don't you just go out without him? If he doesn't feel comfortable with them, he shouldn't be put in that position, either. Also propose that he consider seeing a psychiatrist to get anti-anxiety meds and deal with this socially-induced stress. ... (read in full...)
The guy I'm just starting to date may have given me strep throat. Should I tell him?
Q. I have this crush on a guy who I think gave me strep throat about a month ago when we hung out. How do I tell him? What if I'm wrong? I met this guy this past summer at an event. He body painted me and we became friends on facebook and I finally got ...
A. 30 November 2012: Okay. If you had mono (or a cold sore) I'd be all on board with your assumption that he had given it to you, as it is sort of known as the 'kissing disease', but strep? Strep is pretty darn common, contagious, and I don't think it's only coming from ... (read in full...)
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