A
female
age
36-40,
*earN
writes:Hi i have had terrible times with my guy friend. we have been really good friends ever since 2011. We have been very close and had intimate sex. But every-time he tells me he doesnt feel for me more than a friend. So finally in the month of November 2012. I finally took the desicion to let him know that we cant be friends anymore cause it hurts to see that you dont love me the way I do. But he kept insisting me saying what can I do ? How can i Help you if i dont feel for you that way. he is 32 years old. He had lost his gf after a 8 years relationship.Anyways he kept pleading me saying that I dont want to loose you as a friend. I feel very close and compatible and flexible when around you. I didnt listen to him and finally left him. After a week he calls me and sounded as if nothing happened. and he insisted that we should meet. I finally met him and he said he has feelings for me , he thought over it. He wants me to be gf untill the time his mom finds a girl for him ( he cant marry me because we are of different religion) he said that he feels for me but he cant have me due to his situation. I was fine with that cause i love him. I went on being his lover. Everything was going on well. I was having some really good times with him. Until now his business isnt going on well. finally i could feel he is not giving me enough of attention and love which he said he would. What I have regularly noticed is that when he is drunk , he keeps loving me and says things about how much he adores me how much the other guy will be who will marry me cause he cant marry me as his mom and family wont accept me. he tells me i am an excellent girl who loves and cares someone so much.but once he gets sober he denies everything that he spoke. the other day i reminded him all what he told me when drunk , he told me to leave him alone , he denied having said such stuff. He says "please help me i am in a very bad situation, I invested so much into my business and no ones helping me. I am so fried in my mind. I think straight moreover my mom is going on forcing me to marry " he isnt getting a girl to marry cause of his financial status. now he says maybe in the month of novemeber i told you things BUT right now just leave me alone. I dont want to be loved or give love. I dont think i will ever able to love anybody because My situation is so bad. Youre a nice girl you should search for another guy. Just leave me alone. I told him how much i love him. I got so angry with him I abused him mom too. because i am hurt as because he is pushing me away now. I again asked me do you want to continue be my friend. he says give me a break, leave me alone for a month. I have terrible tension with my business. Please help me someone over here,. I love this guy very much. What surprises me is that even after i abused him mom he still never got angry rather he was willing to meet me and sought things out. What really offended me was that he has changed all of a sudden because of all his financial tensions. he kept telling me please help me to get out of this situation. i was helpless. when he is drunk he tells me how much he loves me but when sober he denies it. i dont want to loose him. what really confuses me also is that even if he really doesnt have feelings for like he says why he still wants me as a friend. I dont understand.moreover he constantly tells me he doesnt have feelings for me and wants me to believe that even I dont love him. He tells me that " you dont love me " I was shocked. someone please help me .. i am mentally unstable now. now sure how to handle myself. as per his saying I am not going to call him for a month.
View related questions:
a break, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (3 July 2013):
 bearN,
What is the point in that? Getting pleasure out of his pain is not the answer-your life still revolves around someone who does not want you. This is not healthy; in fact it's a little obsessive. I would consider seeing a counselor.
A
female
reader, bearN +, writes (2 July 2013):
bearN is verified as being by the original poster of the question Current Update - I have become a verbal abuser to him. I abuse him everyday without fail via text message. I am trying to control his life by abusing him. I know it sounds disturbing. But i am loving every minute of it. He didnt want to meet me anymore. I kept abusing him on and on.... finally he is going to meet me. I have NO mercy for him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): you cry you hurt you remind yourself over and over and over again that no matter what he WANTS you NEED to be gree of his frankly cruel and ludicruos idea. I'ts over. maybe in 6 months you cn be civil. but there's no need or reason to be 'in the wings'. Those are HIS terms. Honey you have to make your own. they shouldn't be 'waiting n hoping'. every day spent on a loser is a day you are not meeting the right man. the right man won't want a woman who is hung up on a loser. DO yourself a favour. next time you hear from him LIE " sorry i haven't got time for this I've got a life that your no longer part of" hang up. Cry for as long as is needed. Don't let him know. As far as he is concerned the ship has sailed and he wasn't aboard
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 And you should not call him even after the month is over. What would you call him for, you know you have no future with him, you know he is getting married any time in the next future, and that the only reason why he is not getting married right now, is because of not having money, but just let him straighten his business and make some money, and it will be bye bye my dear " friend ", so why prolonging the agony ? Do you think it will be easier to part once you've got six or twelve or X more months to get attached to him and feed your infatuation ?
Why did he still want to be your friend ? Oh well, for sex, obviously, pardom ny bluntess , but do you really think that, in India, he can find girls queuing around his block waiting to let him use them for casual sex, no strings, no promises and no question asked ?! he found such a non demanding, compliant girl as you, he is not going to let her go one minute sooner than the moment he chooses .
I also hope very much that when he says " please help me get out of this situation "... he does not mean that you should help him financially, by giving or lending him money, and I hope twice as much that, IF he comes up with such a request ( maybe I am misjudging him, but you never know... ) you'll be smart enough to laugh in his face and turn him down.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (29 April 2013):
Get out of this situation and do NOT call him back after a month or ever again. If a man can only express love when he is drunk, he does not care for you. If a man who does not care for you, he will get sex without expectation of emotional output or long term commitment. This man is dependent on your support but not because he loves you but because he knows he can use how much you care about him to his advantage. He knows you care and that you'll listen to him and be there when things aren't going his way. You two both knew that it was never going to work out in the end, that he was going to have an arranged marriage. It's time to find someone who is available and will stay available through BOTH of your good times and bad...not just when it's convenient to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): What would happen to you if he did get married?
I think you are silly for prolonging the inevitable.
You two will never be together because you are too different. Please find the courage to move on and move forward.
...............................
A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Hello,I honestly think that you should end things with him. You have no future with him and he is in a middle of a crisis. To expect him to give you affection and love right now is not fair. HE is the one that needs affection and help. You should stop thinking about just yourself and think about how he feels. Being sensitive to your lover's feelings is very important. No man will want to marry you if you think about just yourself. You should also apologize to his mother. Then leave the both of them alone. What are you going to do when he does get married to another girl? Abuse his wife too?? You will feel a lot better once you are free from all this stress. Find someone who CAN get married to you and who WILL give you his love and affection. Also work on improving yourself to being a better lover. Nobody is perfect so don't get upset...everyone needs to improve. Good Luck
...............................
|
