A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well here is my drama I am in a strictly sexual relationship with a man 14 years younger than I am and he has told both while drinking and sober that he wants to take our relationship further. He has told me that he wants to take things slower as far as sex is concerned and that he knows we are compatible there but wants to see how compatible we are ever where else. He thinks he is ready to settle down. He has told me that he is in love with me and I am unsure how to reply to that cause I care for e him but I am not sure what to say. I have not spoke to him since he told me because I told him I would call him. I need some advice on how to handle this situation. Any younger men that can tell me if he is telling me the truth or is he trying to see how he can control the older women. Also we have only known one another for 6 months. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): What could possibly be his motive for lying to you and leading you on? Is he looking for a sugar momma? Or does he want to pay his own way?
I think that you have to trust your instincts on this one. No one here knows this fellow of yours, but you do.
I was with a man 15 years my junior for two years and the age thing near the end made me feel very insecure and he started to want to date younger women when his new work buddies had younger girlfriends, I guess, I am not sure.
Anyway, I determined that he did not love me as much as I loved him. Children was never an issue, neither of us wanted to have them as he already had one of his own.
I enjoyed my relationship with him and as long as it lasted that could of been with someone my own age or older. I don't think love is based on your age....but I think it can play with your mind and convince your heart that you are mistaken....so it is a catch 22, or can be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your respnses. I am still young enough to have childeren and yes I was pregnant by him but lost the baby. We have discussed childeren in the future and he has told me that he would like to try again later to have one with me. The first time was strictly an accident. I am not saying he is controlling but I do know that some younger men in relationships with my friends have tried to control them with the fact that they are younger.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Its very possible that what started out as an exclusively sexual relationship has developed into a more romantic one on his part. This could be because he feels emotional attachments forming outside of the sex itself.
That can be normal for some men. Some people know what they want in a life-partner, and if you happen to have those characteristics, he may be overwhelmed by them.
But as it stands right now, unless he's acting, it sounds like he's being sincere. After all, he is having sex with you. So to that extent he has less of a motive to lie than someone who's trying to have sex with you and hasn't had it yet.
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions?  +, writes (1 October 2009):
He says he loves you, but you only say you care for him.
What exactly do YOU want, or did you want - why and how did you get into a sex only relationship with a younger man in the first place ?
Was it you trying to control him ? Did being with him make you feel more confident in yourself ? I'm not suggesting these were your motives, but something got you 6 months down the track - either the sex is the best you've ever had, or there's something more substantial to it, and only you know the answer to that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Here's a someone with a similar dilema you may be intersted in reading http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-women-have-young-lovers.html
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Six months and he loves you? Hmmmm... (no comment).
Essentially, he is saying he wants to get to know you better because he is ultimately looking to settle down and he sees potential in you. He didn't ask you to marry him. Is that right?
Why would you presume he is being dishonest? Are you naturally a suspicious person, are you reacting to past hurts or did he do something that you haven't included in your post?
As to how to respond... Try telling him the truth. Do you want more than a sexual relationship? Do you want to explore the possibility of something more with him? Are you interested in settling down with someone some day (be it with him or someone else)?
Whatever the answers to those questions are, THAT is what you say to him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2009):
You do need to be careful here. I'm in a relationship with an older woman, and we've both made it clear that it is strictly sexual. I wouldn't use her at all. However, I know that one day I would like to have children and such. Has he thought about that at all? You don't want to take it further only to be dumped later on. I'd suggest that yoou do a lot more talking first. See how he sees his own future, always make sure that he has a job and such as well.
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A
female
reader, paddys wife +, writes (1 October 2009):
Sorry but if you are questioning this mans motives this early in the relationship then it does not look good for a long term future .if you are getting the feeling he is trying to control you ,perhaps you should listen to your feelings
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