A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just need to let this all out, it feels like a huge burden to carry and I feel so upset, dirty and alone. Okay, I am 17 and at collage, I have a Saturday job in a small family run shop nearby. Yesterday I was working and my boss had sex with me, he's 70. I couldn't do anything to stop him, I was yelling but it was only me and him in the shop. He pushed me to the ground and was really violent, beforehand I was a virgin, I feel so violated. It's not illegal as I'm over 16 he'd always been nicer to me than the others but I didn't expect this to happen, I never made any advances. What should I do? Will I be able to have a normal relationship with someone I actually love after this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): thank you all for your advice it was really lovely that you cared enough to write back. I certainly don't love him, I despise him for doing that to me. I wanted to save myself for my husband and now feel so dirty. I felt so helpless, I can honestly say I've never been so scared, I went to the hospital alone, I didn't feel able to approach anyone else as he is trusted within our community. The doctors were really good, they are running some tests and have spent time with me. I asked them not to involve the police until I'm out of the situation... I need to get away completely, I'm going to live with my best friend and his family who live in a different area. I trust him completely and his parents understand and mine have also been great about the whole thing, I need to get myself out of the situation to sort myself out, I'm going to let the hospital proceed in filing a report after I've left. Thank you once again.
A
female
reader, thistoshallpass  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Oh honey, the other people on here who responded are right, it is not a matter of he had sex with you, he victimized you and Raped you, he took advantage of your being a young girl working in a small store with no one else but him as your boss and a figure of some authority. It's terrible what he's done to you and I really hope you find the strength within yourself to file the police report, have the rape exam done, and please seek out the rape crisis center in your area for help. I was raped a few years ago, not by my boss but even still rape is rape.... I understand the pool of hurt and emotions you are feeling, but I promise you it is not anything you did, rape isn't about sex honey it is about power and control.
Even if you do not file charges against him, you still need to seek out rape crisis, they'll help you through everything, they'll even help you go to the police and hospital if you want. I am here for you if you need anything, even a shoulder to cry on. And honey, it is okay to cry and to feel hurt and angry but it is not your fault!
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything.
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A
female
reader, babyblack  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 yeah, you should report this and as you said, you 2 are the only ones in the shop and you tried to stop him.. that was definitely illegal.. it's not easy to carry that burden for the rest of your life..
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A
female
reader, lanale +, writes (23 March 2009):
you need to report this to the police.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009):
You were violently raped.
There is no excuse for what he did, and there is no lesser degree of bad thing to call it. I'm very sorry if you "love him" but that really doesn't make a difference in what has to happen now.
People get raped by others that they love (and who even love them back) every day. People sometimes also get killed by loved ones too.
Your caring about him is not a reason to accept what this guy did in any way whatsoever. You have to do something about this. It's a matter of loving yourself.
Go to the police, report it, and then look into rape counseling. Don't wait, and don't think all this hurt will fade & go away on its own. It won't.
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (23 March 2009):
Have you got an adult you can talk to?
Darling you said it wasn't illegal because you are over 16, babe it IS illegal to force anyone to have sex against their will. It is RAPE. I am so sorry this evil bastard did this to you. You need to report him. What he did is wrong. Good luck darling talk to a trusted adult ask them to help you report this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): my darling i'm so very sorry this happened to you!believe me i can understand you more than you think!this disgusting specimen of a man raped you and YOU feel ashamed???it wasn't your fault at all,please don't blame yourself!you should immediately report this to the police and see where it goes from there and also consider therapy-whatever might help you get over this horrible thing that happened to you!honey i'm sadder to hear this than words can possibly describe!please if you need to talk about this further message me i've been through something similar-not quite so horrible of course-and i'll be more than glad to do anything i can to help you out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): It's amazing that you did not use the word "rape" at all. He did not "have sex" with you, sweetie, he raped you. You need to report him to the police. You might lose your job but I have a feeling you don't want it anymore anyway.
You will definitely get over this, and there is no reason why you should not have a fulfilling relationship with someone else later on. But you need to call this thing what it is, report this disgusting man and get yourself some help.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): this MAN RAPED YOU.
Please talk to someone you trust about this as well. You also need emotional support during this traumatic time. You also need to get into counselling regarding rape victimes.
Please also know that HE MAY BLAME YOU, SO please expect a confrontation.
Leave your place of work immediately. You should not be exposed to the scene of the crime again. Please report his man to the POLICE IMMEDIALTELY. For every day you leave it, it will be so hard to prove. You do not want this man to rape someone else. You have the power to STOP HIM. NOW.
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A
female
reader, nessasbeautie +, writes (23 March 2009):
Please stand up for yourself for you are the victim. As frightened as you may be you were raped and this man has no reason to walk away from this situation. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers..
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A
male
reader, answeringmachine +, writes (23 March 2009):
I agree, please report him immediately! It is illegal, no matter the person's age, to force someone into doing sexual things that they don't want to do. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and if you feel comfortable with it you may want to talk to a counselor if you think it would help. We are all available on here for messages if you need to talk too. Let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (23 March 2009):
 It's rape and it is illegal. you need to report this to the authorities now.
Do not feel ashamed, do not be scared. YOU are the victim, HE is the criminal.
Go report him TODAY! You can even do it at the local hospital, they may even still be able to do a rape kit on you and find evidence of the rape from him.
Please report him. He needs to be locked away before he does this again to another poor girl.
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A
female
reader, ms.incredible +, writes (23 March 2009):
It's illegal to force anyone to have sex with you. Honey you were raped and you need to do something about it. If I were you I wouldn't go back to that job.
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