A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 35 years old and I have three older sisters. The middle one is 45 years old and twice-divorced. She has been having an affair with a married man from her work for almost three years now. He says he has to stay with his wife for the kids but he will leave her once they are grown. (They are teenagers.) I am not really happy about that, but it's not my business. What upsets me most is how much she caters to this married man, even at the expense of family. Last fall my mom came out to visit from the East Coast and when she spent time with me she left some of her luggage with my sister. When we came back into town after a short road-trip my mom wanted to pick the rest of her luggage up but my sister had her boyfriend over and so my sister left her luggage on the back doorstep for my mother to collect. I found this extremely disrespectful. There have been a few others instances of my sister bending over backwards (probably literally) for this man, but tonight I got the news that I think takes the cake. It is my sister's birthday and our oldest sister planned a big party involving a dinner cruise which is quite expensive. It is going to cost each guest $110 so for a couple it is $220. It's not even something most of us want to do, but supposedly my sister's bf thought of this idea. Okay, fine, it's my sister's birthday.My mother is flying out here for this celebration. From what I understood, all of the girls (my sisters and mom) were going to connect at my sister's house the day before the party to do girl things and then I'd see them all the next day at the party. The party is Friday and the girl's day is Thursday.Tonight my mom called me to tell me that while my sister can pick her up at the airport Wednesday night she asked that my mom leave the house Thursday morning because her boyfriend is coming over that morning. So essentially my mother is flying cross-country (we live in California) for my sister's birthday but she is being asked to leave the house so that my sister and her bf can get intimate.If I said I was livid that would be an understatement. I am not even sure I want to go to this birthday party, especially with this man (who I never met) there. I know that my sister and her bf already reserved a hotel room for after the party so I don't see why this rendezvous the day before is something my sister can't move in order to accommodate my mother. My mother is uncomfortable and upset, too, so she asked me to pick her up instead. What would you do if you were me, because I am tempted to tell my mom "Sorry, I can't." I'd love to see her, but I feel that just caters to my sister's bad behavior. I am also so furious with my sister that I want to skip this whole party. I feel I would be tempted to tell this lover of hers off. I am not sure if it is him pushing or my sister (my sister once had a wood floor installed before a date with this man) but I don't care. I feel this guy is bad news, my sister has lost her mind over him, and the way she favors him over our own mother is beyond unacceptable.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2014):
 I'd pick up my mom and have her stay with me. When the part is over and done with I'd ignore the sister 100%.
You mom didn't do anything wrong.
A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (2 May 2014):
Hello, First of all, help your mom and make sure she is the priority and that she gets the transport and respect and care from you. As for your sister, I am afraid she is part of an affair and this puts her in a 'place' in life. Itcan change her personality, her loyalties, her emotions...everything. It is a terrible place to be in. At this moment, I would assume she would do anything she could to keep her affair ongoing. At this moment, you wont be able to come between her and her affair. In time, she may realize the affair will never lead to what she hopes and dreams about. She will need you and she will be in a lonely and devastating place in life. That will be the time when you need to be her sister. Everything that is going on at the moment with her personality and behaviour is caused by the affair. Try to understand that. Its an awful place to be in for her, and yet she cannot see it. I am afraid she will probably have to walk the walk as some many others have before her. I feel sorry for her, even though at this time she wouldn't understand my sorry. But, to sum up, make sure mom is ok. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Pick your mother up but don't go to the party, and say you didn't because of the way they disrespected your mother.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 May 2014):
When this guy dumps her and leaves her broken hearted (he will not leave his wife for her when he doesn't have to) then you can have your laughs, buy until then nothing you say is going to change your sisters inconsiderate behavior.
Don't punish your mom, she's not doing anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (2 May 2014):
Honestly just back away from that disrespectful individual until they come to their senses. It won't last and she'll regret the neglect of her family especially her mom. So let her make her mistake she has to in order to learn. But back away from being so close to her that u know so much about her personal life. Just give her space maybe don't visit or call too often. Same with your mom. Your sister is merely living life and making mistakes as we all have. In time she may realize what's she trading for.
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