A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a classmate for a long time. She is in a relationship for three years now. I tried befriending her boyfriend, but he seemed arrogant and did not respond warmly. So I chose to remain distant from him, but did not tell the same to my friend and just remained friends with her. Recently she was upset by her boyfriend friend's behaviour and vented it out to me. I listened to her sympathetically and consoled her. Eventually it lead to a make out and sex. The following morning she left without telling anything and now I feel guilty for taking advantage of her situation. I'm single but I did not have any ulterior motives, when I consoled her. She hasn't contacted me , but I wish I could tell her it was unintentional. But I don't know how to go about. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 May 2014):
Yeah, just apologize, that's all that's needed. She probably wasn't mad at you but feeling guilty for cheating.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2014):
 I love this: "...I wish I could tell her it was unintentional..." or, in other submittals (to paraphrase): ".. the sex "just happened"....
I'm still trying figure out how sex "just happens" and/or is "unintentional."
Meanwhile, keep your little tet-a-tet with this woman to yourself... and see if you/her/the fling can stay off the radar.... With luck, it won't happen again...
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): Say nothing, OP. Just see what happens.
Telling her it was unintentional isn't going to make anything better, it'll just make it sound like you're covering your own arse, which is basically what you want to do.
Let her be the one to make contact and initiate the conversation, she now has to deal with cheating on her boyfriend and also sleeping with a friend, on top of all the shit she had to deal with that led her to that.
She has no reason to think you did it on purpose but of course she may play it that way, in which case you have to accept it was a douche move not to say no and protect her. In my mind not stopping her is worse than having that as an intention because it means you're too weak to protect your friendship with her and will gladly choose to get your dick wet instead.
The best thing you can do is just let it go and not make a big deal of it. See how she feels about the whole thing and let her contact you when she's ready.
Her head is a mess and she's just made the whole situation ten times worse, so give her a few days to sort her head out.
OP there's really no need to add the idea of you only consoling her to bone her, she's most likely not thinking anything like that and you rushing to claim innocence will only make you seem guilty.
Because frankly, OP, I'm very suspicious of why that's the main point here for you. It's weird you're not worried about how this is affecting her or what it may mean for her life. Your main worry is to make sure she knows you're not a bad guy for fucking a vulnerable woman.
You know what I mean? This all seems like you only want to be free of your guilt, not actually make the situation better for her.
Don't make this whole thing a pity party for you, she's the one with the major issues here and a friend who decided to, intentionally or not, to use that to his advantage by not stopping her. Your intentions are irrelevant the damage of your actions are the same, and a true friend would be looking for ways to make this better for her, not just cover his own arse because he feels a little guilty.
You owe her an apology, not an excuse.
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