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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible for a guy - your boyfriend - to be in a store for 1.5 hours??? The same store???He was out for awhile and I asked him about it and he said he was at an auto parts store for that long. He said he was browsing. That there were lots of neat things to look at.Should I believe him or was he up to no good? ie. with another woman? I am not sure because when he came home, he had sex with me.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): I'm going off on a tangent here but I've worked in retail on and off over the years. I would not give out information to someone if they emailed in a picture and asked if we'd seen this guy in our store unless it was from the police. I'd find it weird and stalkerish behaviour.
Tbh I'd probably say "No" to get them off my back. In truth I don't remember most customers seconds after they've left unless I see them regularly.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 Excuse me, you did what ? You sent your bf's picture to the store ??..
Sorry to be blunt, but yes- it's shrink time.
You need urgent professional help, if you believe that any kind of action is legitimate as long as it can help you contain your anxuetues.
I.e. : no, you CAN'T do whatever pops in your mind just to make yourself feel better. There are social and personal boundaries to respect.
Please try to stop blaming your dad for your own behaviour- it won't help. Sure, your father did something wrong and hurtful. And ?... There are, unluckily, thousands and thousands of children of divorce and of broken homes, and that does not generally turn them into obsessed stalkers. Having abandonment issues does not make your actions more acceptable , more justifiable or more logical.
You have a problem- ( and it's not a problem of how to make your bf accountable for any moment he is away from you ). Please take it seriously and seek competent help asap.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Your dad may have cheated on your mother, that does not mean that all guys are going to do the same. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? You are going to drive your poor boyfriend away, it is almost like he is in prison and you need to keep an eye on him 24/7 this is not fair on either off you, surely you cannot be happy in this relationship, not trusting him, questioning everything. It is borderline crazy to email a shop a photo and ring them up. You need to get your issues sorted, you need to start by ending this relationship and seeking professional help.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Have to agree with everything Tisha-1 says.
Young lady, you seriously need help. Why on earth is that poor lad staying with you? Believe me, carry on like this and he will wake up one day and decide you are not worth it, because nobody is that wonderful that they are worth what you are putting him through.
You are scary.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Yes, it's possible.
But because you have to ask, I too agree that this relationship is over. There must be a reason for why you are so suspicious. Maybe he has given you other signs of being a cheater, or maybe you are unhappy in the relationship in general. Whatever it is, lacking trust to the degree that you are asking if it's likely that he cheated, and that you don't trust him when he says he's been to the store for that long, sends a clear and strong signal that your head is out of this relationship. Now you just need to get your heart on board and realize that you're not happy, and that he never will make you happy, and end it in a proper manner.
Only when this relationship is over, will you be free to find the one you should actually be with.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 I think all signs point to this relationship being over. You called the store and interrogated the manager and had him question all his staff? You actually emailed a picture of your boyfriend to them?
This is so over the top I can understand why some aunts might think this is a troll post.
Why not implant a tracking device under his skin? Or to make sure he never strays, lock him in the house and keep him chained up?
I'm exaggerating a bit, but OP, your behavior is ridiculous.
Sorry your parents had cheating as a problem, apparently it's affected you so deeply you actually need professional counseling. I am not joking or trying to make light of your situation. You need professional help.
In the meantime, release the boyfriend to go find someone who isn't going to stalk his every move. After some concentrated work with a good mental health professional, like a psychiatrist or psychologist, you may be able to see that you can't punish your boyfriend for something your dad did.
Seek help and best wishes for a happier more balanced future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): hello. no this is not a troll. it is the first guy I am with. my dad cheated on my mom and it broke our family up. I am not sure if this is why I don't trust so easily.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 September 2016):
 This has to be a troll. If it isn't then I've never known trust issues like it. Absolute madness
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 September 2016):
 The real question to me seems to be why are you so suspicious? That's a bit much to be counting the minutes and seconds he's gone to the store. Has he given you a reason to doubt him like prior history of cheating or do you have significant trust issues?
If he's given you no reason not to trust him, I think you are quite overboard to be behaving so controlling and suspiciously and should ease up on the reigns a bit. And if he's given you reason to doubt his honesty in the past, it seems to be causing significant issues in the present, to the point I think it's quite unhealthy.
The answer is yes, of course he could have been at the store for an hour and a half. Or maybe he ran by the bank afterwards, or was on the phone with a friend in the parking lot. There are a million different scenarios that could have taken place. And if my gf questioned me about my every step, I'd honestly break up with her. How miserable. It's not like he'd been gone ten hours saying he was just running to the auto parts store. An hour and a half is literally nothing. Or maybe he just wanted to get out for a bit and relax.
Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Are you nuts, young lady?
I'm sorry, but calling the store to see if anyone remembering him there? Him having to show you a bill of sales?
If you can't trust him, don't date him.
I do most of my shopping online, but I did spend 2 hours the other day at Old Navy. And I can happily browse B&N for hours, 5 below an hour, etc.
If he has cheated on you before and that is why you don't trust him, then end it. If he hasn't you need to learn how to trust instead of being this overbearing paranoid woman. That will only alienate people from your life.
If I were you partner and I had done nothing wrong, I'd dump you in a heartbeat, I could NOT date someone who is constantly accusing me of cheating. It's ridiculous. Since when it is the GF's job to be a prison warden for their partner?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 September 2016):
 I think you calling up a store to get witnesses is weird, not that nobody saw one man with a basic description.
Maybe he's cheating on you, maybe he's not, but lots of people (men and women) can spend 1 - 2 hours in a big shop that has things they're into.
You need to learn to trust him, or not be in the relationship. A relationship is pointless without trust.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 September 2016):
No, it's not weird. Maybe it would be if he had spent 1.5 hours at the corner little deli browsing tuna cans, but a big, big store all full of cool stuff he is particularly into... .?
What's strange about that ? Personally I won't even go into a Barnes and Noble if I don't have at least an hour to devote to browsing ( and shopping , of course ). For me it's books, for another person it may be plant and flowers, or gourmet foods,or antiques... for your bf it is auto parts.
Of course it all depends from the background story. If your bf has a track record of cheating on you, or on his exes, and then tryng to cover his tracks with fancy explanations, I could see why you are being suspicious.
Otherwise, in lack of specific reasons to mistrust him... gee, OP, you are not a girlfriend, you are an electronic surveillance anklet. Keep on like this, and pretty soon, rather than showing you his purchase receipts, he will show you your walking papers.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Hon, personally I think you are very insecure and have some serious trust issues.
An auto parts store to a man is what a shoe shop is to a woman! They can literally spend hours looking at all sorts of stuff!
I think that you need to address why you thought that he was with another woman - if he has never given you cause to suspect this - why now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): it is the poster again. I emailed them a picture of him. and nobody saw him. that is weird. they even had a pic and it was recent. and when he came over one of his pant legs was tucked into his shoe but the other one was not. is that weird too? what could that mean?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): "I called the store and made up a story and the supervisor contacted all his associates who were working at the time and he said nobody saw him there. I think that is weird. don't you?"
Yes, I think it's very weird that you would go to such lengths to check up on your boyfriend because he had the audacity to spend 90 minutes apart from you without reporting in at regular intervals.
One possibility: Maybe he just wanted to get away for his paranoid, distrustful, high-maintenance girlfriend for a little peace and quiet in a male-centric atmosphere.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Is there any particular reason you didn't trust the story originally? Prior trust issues in the relationship?
If he has a receipt he was obviously there at least briefly in the time frame he specified. That no one would be able to identify him from a verbal description given over the phone isn't necessarily surprising. To keep multiple associates busy, the store must see a fair amount of traffic.
If he hasn't previously done anything of concern, though, you are way out of line to be calling around checking his story. At best you look paranoid, at worst unstable and extremely disrespectful of his privacy. Trust is part of every healthy relationship. What has happened to make you feel it is missing from yours?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): Do you have trust issues? Why must you assume he was with someone else, because he was out of your sight for 90 minutes?
Get your insecurities in-check or you will not have a boyfriend for long. He'll tire of updating his whereabouts and accounting for his time like he's on court-ordered probation.
Does he have a reputation for being a cheater? If he does, why did you make him your boyfriend? Did you steal him from another girl? If so, this is your karma. Now you can't be sure you can trust him.
If he's a new boyfriend, and you're just getting used to a new relationship; do your best to try and trust him. Don't make a guy have to account for every moment of his time. That makes you look a little psycho and too possessive. You can't come across like you don't trust him all the time; or it's not worth having you as a girlfriend. Either that, or you're just not mature enough to handle having a relationship.
I suspect you've been having girl-talk and someone is filling your head with a lot of junk. You need to give more details to justify your suspicions. We also need to know if this is coming from possessive jealousy, or just an inexperienced young lady who's not sure of her new relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): I am the poster. He was in a nearby city dropping off his sister at friend's house and then he went to this store to look around. He then came to mine and we spent the aft together and had sex. thought it was weird that he stayed in a store all that time. he showed me the bill of sale and it showed he bought some stuff. I called the store and made up a story and the supervisor contacted all his associates who were working at the time and he said nobody saw him there. I think that is weird. don't you?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (20 September 2016):
What makes another woman the first thing you suspect for his extended absence?
More context would be helpful, please.
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