A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband is constantly nagging and correcting. He is a generally likeable guy but when he gets close to somebody like wife or kids he critiques all the time where it sounds verbally abusive. He sees very little wrong with himself.He has a lot of great traits - works hard around the house - cooks, yard work, runs errands and also works his own business. I make more money.He does not critique my appearance and we have good sexual relations.But he nags all the time - I don't know how to clean, dogs are my problem, if there is mud on the floor it must be my shoes, loaded dishwasher the wrong way, I am not smart, how did I make it so many years without him.I do think he's low on self esteem which is too bad given he's got so many good qualities, but he is. . .may be because he didn't finish college. . .I have a master's degree. . .really I don't know why he has low self esteem. I am willing to put up with his faults if he would put up with mine and stop nagging and critiquing!Ideas?
View related questions:
money, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (23 September 2016):
 He has a martyr complex, It seems pretty common behaviour on the spouse that ends up taking care on the home or at least taking on a more active role around the house.
The person ends up victimizing themselves, wondering how everyone would cope without them, it gives them a sense of feeling useful perhaps he needed this to feel important within the family construct. But this ends up wearing relationships off so it is important for you to become more active in the home, do your diligence, do chores that he would normally do so he knows you are not his dependable.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 September 2016):
 If this is a recent thing, your husband could be depressed or stressed or both. My OH reckons I nag him sometimes - but it is usually when I am tired, stressed or ill and fed up of picking up after him. Once I have regained my equilibrium, I "nag" far less. Perhaps your husband needs a break?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2016):
 I think next time he starts with the nagging and/or criticizing I'd tell him: " no one is perfect, yes I make mistakes here and there and so do you, so can you quit with the being judgemental every time I do something that YOU feel isn't up to YOUR standard and just appreciate me for me?"
You CAN praise him for all that he does, but that doesn't give him ANY right to pick apart everyone else.
And also is there any truth to what is nags about? I'm OCD so someone loading the dishwasher all helter-skelter drives me nuts - it's NOT hard to be practical about that.
I like the towels folded in a certain way, so that is how the rest of my family folds the towels now. I DID nag about it because it annoyed me that they couldn't "just" do it the right way (which means the towels fit better in the bathroom closet, but also because I want them in a certain way. It makes ME less antsy. I know to others that may not make sense, but my family knows my little quirks and respects them.
So maybe there is SOME sense to his little quirks too?
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 September 2016):
Its very difficult to listen to nagging all the time,and it is also very unfair.However your husband,is feeling.[1] That he is not the main breadwinner[as you earn the most money][2]You have a masters degree....he has not.There is no doubt that he has low self esteem,and he is dealing with this in the only ways he knows....Nagging.First of all put yourself in his position...stand back and think.How would you feel?.You need to show him all is good points and praise him as often as possible.He needs to be built up on a mental that he contributes as much as you do in his own way.Would you consider having a long,gentle chat with him and talk the situation out with him.If this does not work would you consider asking to see a counsellor,going along with him if he wished for support.Kind regards NORA B.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 September 2016):
 You need to talk to him about it. He probably has low self esteem and takes it out on you and the children. It is not fair on any off you and he needs to stop this. You need to tell him how this is effecting family life, he needs to be the one to fix this, he needs to get the help.
...............................
|
