A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was sexually abused when I was a child. I really like this boy, but I don't know if I should tell him. Should I tell him about my past? Would that ruin our relationship? Would he look at me differently and never want to come too close to me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 Im really sorry to hear about what you went through, and like penta said, its not your fault, and it is also something that should be told in confidence with a person you love and trust most. He shouldnt look at you differently and he also shouldnt treat you differently either, make sure he is a person you can REALLY trust. Then i would think of telling him, but only do it if your certain about him love.
xxxx Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone. Thank you. After reading what you said I don't think I should tell him. I'm going to wait and see if it goes anywhere. Thank you! I'll keep you updated!
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (21 July 2007):
 I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It's clear that part of you wants to get it off your chest. However, I wouldn't know for sure when is a good/appropriate time to tell him this. I'm pretty certain now isn't a good time to tell him though. You are still very young, as is he, so I would hold off telling him this for some time yet.
I know that if it was a girlfriend of mine, after getting past the shock and horror having learnt what she went through, it would only be my personal intention to comfort her, and tell her that everything is ok now, and I'm there for her. Mind you, this is only how I think it would go. Obviously this isn't the case, so I don't know for sure, but I would hope most guys would react that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): How involved is your relationship? If you are really serious then he will only comfort you and love you the more for getting on with your life and becoming more and more confident. If it is a young and early relationship then he may find it a bit full on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Tell him. At least that way you're being honest with him. If he really wants to be with you then he'll stick by you. After all, it's not your fault about what happened in the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Hey, I can honestly say i can empathize with you. Firstly may I ask, how deep in this relationship are you with him? Do you feel like you want to take it to the next stage, but you physically can't? Only three people know about my ordeal, and the last person I told was a terrible mistake. He was one of my closest friends, I've known him since the age of 4.. Now he can't even speak to me the same. His answer was to "Kill" the guy who did it to me. What he doesn't realise is, It's just going to open up another can of worms for me, I've accepted what happened to me now, but I'm still frigid. My friends are always questioning it, but what they don't realise is, I can't get emotionally or physically close to a guy because of that ordeal, and I don't know if i'm ever going to get over that fact. If you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to ask me. I'll e-mail you my personal e-mail. Good luck =)
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (20 July 2007):
Hi there,
I would not rush into telling him because you can’t unsay something once it is out. I don’t mean that you need to keep this a secret, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. But you were obviously very badly hurt by what happened, so you want to be kind to yourself now, and not risk unnecessary further distress. If you are only at the liking stage, then definitely not. This friendship may never go anywhere, and you wouldn’t want your painful past to become the latest subject for gossip and rumour would you? When you are in a serious relationship, and you feel that you totally trust someone, then you might want to tell him. But do this in your own time, not because you feel you ‘should’ tell them.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (20 July 2007):
 First of all what happened to you wasn't your fault. That said, it's also very private. This is something you share with someone you know well and really trust.
So I would wait on this one. Guys in your age group aren't especially great and handling other people's emotions (your guy might be the exception, but you don't know yet). And guys also aren't great at keeping secrets about girls from their buddies.
When you've been with him for a long while, and you know him well enough to trust him, you might decide then whether you want to tell him. For now, there's no reason he needs to know.
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