A
female
age
30-35,
*ucita
writes:Im 16 going to be 17 in the spring and ive always had "a thing" for this guy whos about 23 24.hes no stranger.My mom and his mom are bestfriends and known each other forever and ive known him since i was in like middle school.we've never really hung out because we liked different things but since then alot of things have changed and ive matured greatly and i feel like im on the same level as him.we both like going out and having a good time.recently i feel like now he has "a thing" for me too.my question is would it be wrong for us to have a relationship?would it be wrong to have sexual relations even if i want it too? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Ok so that makes him about 7 or 8 years older than you right? Basically if you were living in the UK then you wouldnt have any problems, sex is legal from the age of 16 so the only issues might come from your parents! But in the US I know that the legal age of consent varies from state to state but it is mostly around the age of 17-18. So if you had sex with him now he could get into some very serious trouble with the law - because he is more than 4 years older than you it would be classed as statutory rape, regardless of whether you wanted to have sex with him or not. Now if he was also under 18 then it would only be treated as a minor incident and it would be unlikely that anyone would be charged.
So if you do have sex with this guy then the chances are he could be charged with rape and go to prison for quite some time so be careful!
In my opinion the age difference isnt that bad - age is only a number and if you get on really well then who cares how old you both are. But where you will run into problems is the things you want from life and the stages of life you are both at. You are still a teenager and you will be wanting to spend time with friends having fun, doing your schoolwork and planning your future. Whereas he will already have done all that and he will be thinking about grown-up stuff like buying a house, his career, getting married etc. So while for the first few months/1 year your relationship might be fun, you will come to a time when you both want very different things. You will want to be free to follow your dreams as you rightly should, whereas he will want to tie you down and settle down with you.
I know it seems like a long way off but you could save yourself some serious heartache by just leaving this guy alone! I had a boyfriend when I was 16 that was 5 years older than me and we had all those problems I mentioned above. He wanted to move in with me, talked about marriage and kids etc. Whereas I wanted to go off to Uni (college as you call it there in the US!) and I wanted to just be young and enjoy myself - while I wanted a boyfriend I didnt want to be talking about stuff that was just way too far in the future for me and I knew I couldnt commit to telling him "yes I will move in with you in xxxxx amount of time and we will get married in xxxx year etc". So I ended things with him because at that time we just were at different stages of life and wanted different things.
So it is up to you what you do here - I would think it is wise to find out what the legal age of consent is in your state and make sure you do not undertake any sexual activity with him until you are legal because I'm sure you wouldnt want him to go to jail now would you? And as for the relationship side of things - yes you could give it a try but be prepared for trouble to come up in the future.
It does sound like it will be a lot easier just to find a guy closer to your own age - at least then no-one can get into trouble with the law and you will want the same things from life. But I guess it depends on how much you like him and if you really believe it can work. If you do go ahead take things slow and dont have sex with him, for his sake!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Keep in mind that it is illegal for you two to do anything sexually. He could get into a lot of trouble. Unless your parents consent, then anything that you do would probably get him into a lot of trouble. He's aware of this no doubt.
Due to this reality, the chance of a serious relationship will probably never be, until you turn 18. If you go through with this, then watch your heart and wear protection.
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (16 September 2009):
I don't think it's wrong, as long as he's a good guy.
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