| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi everyone i just need an advice from you guys, im with my bf for a year now then just recently he asked me for us to make a baby just to make sure that we could have one he's 30 and im 26, i told him that i wanted marriage first before anything else, but on the other side ya i wanted to make sure also that my partner to be is able to give me a child of our own,he is not this usual guy as far as i did knew him for the reasons that he broke up with his past gf's because of the pressure they're asking from him about marriage thing and now, whew! i just heard it from him that his that ready! will, is he serious enough?????and is this the right decision for us to do to make a baby first then marriage afterwards???pls help
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 This baby would be a real person, with his/her own needs and wants. S/he's not a test of your relationship, and you can't take it back if the relationship doesn't work. And as a mother of 2 toddlers I can tell you your life will never be the same. If you don't totally want a child then don't get pregnant. Not for him, and not just to see if you can.
If (1) he's the one you want in your life forwever, (2) you really do want a child at this time, and (3) he really doesn't want to get married: tell him you'd like to see a lawyer to work out a contract. Marriage would give you and the baby recourse if he decided later that you and the baby weren't what he really wanted after all. Without marriage, you need to make sure he will take care of the two of you regardless.
It's unromantic as hell. But so is telling you he wants a baby but he doesn't want to marry you.
A
female
reader, fairydust  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 hi i think it comes down to - is he the right guy?, is it what you really want?, are you both ready? and are you willing to chang what you want for the wants of your partner. if you can answer yes to these go for it if not wait a while and see if your feelings change. i always wanted to get married before i had a child but i fell pregnant and it was to late to consider these facts i still think about what could have been but i'm happy. i wish you well in whatever you decide good luck x
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I would want to be 100% sure that this is the guy for you, if you find out he is not after you have had his child it could work out to be a very costly mistake. Like Mitch says get a fertility test to find out if you can both have children.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Well if you have any doubts what so ever, dont do it!
The fact that he is wanting a baby is great, however if he has previously broken up with his partners due to the pressure of wanting marriage, then who is to say that he doesnt get you pregnant, and then run?
A child is even more of a sacrifice and committment than marriage. A marriage you can walk away from, a child you cant! So to expect marriage before a child is a totally normal expectation!
If it were me, I would want marriage first, to ensure a little stability prior to having a baby.
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A
male
reader, macboy  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I personally think It doesnt matter.
If you have been together long enough and you know you can financially and morally raise a baby, then go for it.
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