A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do about my husband's dog! He found the dog wondering the streets and took him in when no one claimed him. This was before we even started dating. I quickly realized why no one wanted to claim this dog... He was not potty trained (this is something we still struggle with to this day) and he is very temperamental around cats and small children. He has tried to kill our grandmothers cat several times even drawing blood. He has also bit our 3 year old daughter, the most recent time in the face! I have threatened to get rid of this dog in the past but my husband is an avid animal lover and couldn't let go of the dog. But with this last attack to our daughters face (thank goodness she didn't need stitches) I'm ready to do anything to get rid of this dog!! Why is my husband having such a hard time getting rid of this devilish dog especially when our daughter is getting hurt?? I don't understand it but the dog needs to go. Everytime I bring it up my husband tunes me out and will not even discuss it. Would I be a horrible wife if I took charge and found another home for the dog?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): crate train the pup. you cannot take a dog off the streets and expect him to come into the home without training. you are not horrible parents to your kid as much as you are to the poor animal who does not understand the corrections, which probably are not consistent. you need training for you and the pup. your kid didnt come potty trained and without you and your husbands constant guidance never would be. some dogs require more than others. you can't google a billion training techniques and pick some to utilize and try out. you need a trainer for the whole family. the dog needs a safe place in the home (not a bathroom or garage, but a kennel, when proper size for the pup, will be HIS safety zone. my rescue hated it at first, but now i have had him almost a year (he went to a 5 week boarding school for training that i went to 2 days each week to learn with him) and now he loves his kennel. he is AMAZING with potty, i bring little treat pieces and he gets one when he potties outside.
IMO, if the kid didnt need stitches, and the cat is still alive, it wasnt a BITE,it was a nip. the face of your child is probably right at level with him and kids do not know how to approach dogs usually, unless the child is trained as well. are you watching your kid 24-7 that you know it isnt grabbing the dog in a place that he may be in pain, or poking his eyes or coming at him and scaring him? the dog could have killed the cat if it wanted to. it s scared and the only thing really unfair is that your husband wants to save it, but isnt looking into training. and keep the cats away from the dogs crate. im sure you have baby gates, give everyone some space, where everyone feels safe. that you can at least do until you find some sort of training. my live-in bf had a huge problem with how i coddled my rescue, probably as your husband is with the pup, because he has a big heart and feels bad because he knows the dog had a crap life beforehand. im not sure where you live, but i am in the DC area and there are a TON of training facilities. i do not think the local petsmart trainers would be intense enough wiht all of the learned behavior from lack of training this long. look into it. you'll be the hero and so much stress will be alleviated from the family. even the dog is feeling your stress, they are really astute.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): many dogs do not do well with cats and should be kept away from them. Cats often trigger predatory responses in dogs. All it takes is to see your dog go after your grandmother's cat ONCE, for you to know that in future you shouldn't allow the dog access to the cat. So why was there more than one time that the dog attacked the cat? Once should have been enough for you to take steps to prevent it happening again by removing the dog from the room, leaving him at home, keeping both dog and cat in their crates when Grandma is visiting, whatever.
"I don't understand it but the dog needs to go. Everytime I bring it up my husband tunes me out and will not even discuss it. Would I be a horrible wife if I took charge and found another home for the dog? "
Your husband is probably shutting you out because YOU have been shutting him out first. What you're saying basically is 'I don't care what my husband thinks about this and I don't care how he feels the dog must go because I feel that's what must happen.' Don't you think this attitude will make him shut down towards you?
OP you've been given some good advice by dog-knowledgeable people here. I was bitten by a dog when I was a child, it was because on hindsight I was making the dog uncomfortable one too many times. I have seen my nephew taunting their family dog, my sister wouldn't intervene as she thought the dog was fine, despite my pointing out he really wasn't (the dog's ears were flat, his eyes wide, he was pulling his head away). then the dog one day apparently had enough and turned around and snapped at the nephew's face, there was no stitches just a little scratch because the dog was actually really really controlling himself.
I agree with the last commenter that the fact that your daughter was bitten on the face and yet didn't require stitches means that this dog was carefully controlling himself so as not to hurt her. Then you have to ask yourself WHY did the dog have a need to control himself to such a degree around her. What were the adults doing that they didn't intervene long before it even got to this stage?
It's rare for a toddler to be peacefully sleeping or doing her own thing and the dog to just saunter into the room and immediately launch itself snarling and biting at the toddler across the room. (a dog that would do that, has something "off" psychologically and in which case there WILL be stitches or worse involved and yes if that were to happen then you must rehome this dog to a family without kids as that really is the only way). More likely, the toddler was 'doing something' that startled or upset the dog.
Yes some dogs have very high tolerances for getting pushed, pulled, climbed on, teased, screamed at, jumped on, you name it, God bless those creatures as they are saints. Other dogs don't have such tolerances (many people don't either!), and to assume every dog SHOULD is unrealistic. and to foist a toddler on such a dog that you have already made a commitment of ownership to, isn't fair to the animal or the kid whom you are endangering.
If you insist a dog should have such unlimited tolerances then you need to get a different dog with a different temperament. And maybe that's what you've been saying all along and that's fine if that's how you feel, but that's a far cry from "this dog MUST GO that's the only way to keep our daughter safe" because that blows the problem out of proportion and abdicates responsibility. If you simply prefer an easier dog or no dog at all that is totally fine but that's different from telling your husband the dog NEEDS to go (implying there is no other viable solution), rather it's that YOU PREFER that the dog go over other options. To work things out with your husband, it would help to adopt a more reasonable and accurate position such as "I don't like dogs and I really do not want this dog" versus "this dog is a danger and therefore must go". if you're stuck at the latter then you and your husband will forever be arguing over whether this dog really is "dangerous" or not or "how dangerous" which is all subjective so no one can win except whoever takes the most threatening stance towards the other.
There are resources to educate people who have toddlers and dogs, on how to keep both safe from each other. this is something that REQUIRES proactive intervention on the part of the adults in the household, it's not something you should just assume will happen on its own.
http://positively.com/2011/05/17/why-dogs-bite-children-a-lesson-in-preventing-dog-bites-in-kids/
you can find more information by googling "dog bite prevention" or similar. I suggest you educate yourself more on this topic first so you can show your husband that you are making an effort to acknowledge and validate his love for his dog and ask him to work with you to solve this problem rather than combating him and leading to resentments on both sides.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Your husband clearly loves his dog since he has had it since before he even met you. It is too painful for him to even consider giving up the dog so yes I think you will do irreparable damage to your relationship if you got rid of his dog and say all kinds of nasty things about it to him.
The thing is, you and your husband really are on the same team as you both love your daughter. I don't think he wants her to be injured or in danger any more than you do. He simply disagrees with you that the dog presents as grave a threat as you believe. Therefore why not stop making this all about getting rid of the dog. When you push for one outcome only which represents a loss to the other person of something he cherishes it will make him get defensive and dig his heels in. Making it out so that your position is the right one and his is the wrong one is sure to drive a wedge between you.
The real goal is to keep your daughter safe so she never gets bit again. Why not focus on that instead. Enlist the help of a dog trainer or dog behavior professional. If they recommend your dog should be given up to a new home without small children then you will be vindicated. If not then it means there are ways for everyone to live peacefully. If you simply push your husband to give up his beloved dog he may do it if forced but there will be a relationship cost I can guarantee it. He needs to be convinced there is no other way to keep your daughter safe. And right now he isn't convinced and maybe it isn't true either. If you try to understand and respect his feelings then he may be more inclined to do the same back.
Your daughter didn't need stitches thank goodness. That means your dog actually has excellent bite inhibition. Be thankful for that too ironic as it sounds. Think of how sharp a dog's teeth are they can chew bones for goodness sake. If your dog really wanted to hurt her he darn well would have. Your dog merely gave your daughter a warning to back off. The skin on the face is thin and easily bleeds so the fact she didn't need stitches shows your dog didn't intend to harm her and was only trying to tell her to back off when all else failed (like growls for example) or when startled. Do not ever punish a dog for growling as that is your dog's way of giving you information that it is uncomfortable with the situation and that if you back off and stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make it growl all will be ok. If you punish the dog for growling the dog will just suppress the growl and still feel pushed to snap then you may wonder why the dog snapped without warning. If your dog keeps snapping at your daughter I would seriously consider that you should teach your child better respect for the dog, that's just common sense.
Another problem is your fear of this dog. Even if you get professional help and they show you what to do to keep your daughter safe you may just be too afraid and never feel it will be enough. If the only way you can deal with the situation is to get rid of the dog I think you need to approach your husband differently and basically ask him to grant you the favor of giving up his dog for your peace of mind and not criticizing him for loving his dog and being put in the position of having to choose among his loved ones.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): You and your husband as the parents and dog owners need to take steps to prevent conflict between your kids and dogs. Why was your child even in a position to get bit on the face? I am sorry but you cant expect to let a dog and small child loose together and expect nothing could happen. Children easily spook dogs from their high pitched sudden screams. They often grab at tails and ears. Or they take away the dog's chew toys. Call in a dog trainer to assess if your dog really is a dangerous dog who has too short a fuse to ever be safe around children and should be removed from the property, or if you are just an uninformed and irresponsible dog owner who didnt take the proper precautions to keep your child safe around the family dog.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Most dog bites are to young kids in the family because the kid did something to upset the dog. It is the parents responsibility to supervise all interactions between dog and child and never allow the dog to be in the same room with a small child unsupervised. It is not the dog's fault this happened, it is the parent's. I work in an animal shelter and everytime dogs get dumped because they bit the family child it was because the kid did something to set off the dog. If your child got hit by a car do you then get rid of all cars? If your child fell off a swing do you eradicate the swing? Yes as a parent you have to keep your child safe. But some times this knee jerk reaction that anything that hurts your child must be got rid of or destroyed, when actually it could have been your child's fault they got hurt and you could have prevented it with better supervision and knowledge.You should invest in babygates to keep the dog out of the rooms where the child is in. Also you should google and read articles on understanding dogs' body language. Dogs give off all kinds of subtle warning signs that they are stressed out and need to he left alone but people don't know it. As a result they continue to put the dog in a situation where its getting stressed out til it snaps. Small kids are very good at stressing out dogs so it is the parents responsibility to proactively prevent this. Google for articles on how to acclimate dogs to kids in a positive way.If you don't want to do all this work that's understandable since it wasn't your decision to get this dog. But the dog belongs to your husband, it has been in his life longer than you have. Therefore I think you should make the effort to live with this dog and work harder to keep your child safe. Dogs are part of the family too. Certainly your husband thinks so. Do you get rid of one family member because its too much work to live with them? Some dogs have been abused by kids and do not do well around kids. Maybe yours is like that. If so it is best for the dog to be re-homed to a family without kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): His love of this dog, at the expense of his daughters safety, is criminal.The dogs already bit her!!! Doesn't matter if she's rough. This dog is dangerous. When will he come to his senses? When the dog bites her on the neck and severs her carotid artery? I'm sorry but injuring or killing a child should not be the final straw. This bite should be.As her mother, if your husbands lack the sense and instinct to protect his child, you have to. Tell him either the dog is going or you are. Be tough about this, there is no compromise. Your husbands feelings for this dog do not matter. He should have the instinct to protect his own child.Like I said, either the dog goes or you do. End of story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Not at all you reacting as a normal parent would and the fact that it bit your daughter in the face signals warning signs because dogs can nip sometimes if when they communicate through growling doesn't work as a way of saying no. But when a dog goes for the face then set out to be aggressive and the to do some harm, so you definitely shout keep the dog because i don't know what kind of dog you have but next time it could do more damage to your daughter. So your husband needs to step up because he is one of the people who are meant to protect her. I can understand that his intentions are good and that its hard to let an animal go as I am an animal lover myself and I had to have a dog that I owned as a child put down because it was going for anyone that got close to it but it was the best thing for everyone including the dog. So I think you should contact a shelter to see if someone could come around to talk to your husband and hopefully take the dog because this is something that they usually do if the dog is a danger and then people in exchange usually donate bit of money to the shelter, and if he's still not going to do it then I would take your children and stay with someone until he changes his mind whilst leaving the shelter contact details there for him.Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I wouldn't go over his head or behind his back and do it OP, but I would tell him that Next Tuesday you're bringing the dog to a shelter. Give him a specific time and day you're doing it. That way he can zone out all he wants he knows the dog is gone. He only zones out because all you do is talk OP.
Don't take this the wrong way OP but maybe your daughter is too rough with dogs, I know she may be your angel who can't do anything wrong but having another dog may not be a good idea either if she's too rough with them. I'm a dog breeder and if a family want to take one of my puppies then the kids have to come to my home and spend a while there while I see their temperament. Might sound a bit strange OP but I don't want any of my puppies going to homes with hyperactive kids, not only do I want them to have good homes, you'd be surprized how many people will blame a dogs temperament and hence destroy my name as a breeder when in fact their little brat was pulling its tail hard or picking it up like its a toy.
You need to get rid of this dog, but you also need to think whether it would be better to wait until your daughter is older before and if you replace it.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (20 January 2013):
No, you wouldn't be a horrible wife, just a sane woman.
He's being a horrible father.
I also love animals but I'd kill anything that is a danger to my family with my own hands. If he lacks this instinct, there's something seriously wrong with him.
This dog-love-thing is going too far.
Your husband doesn' listen to what you say because he probably doesn't believe you're serious enough about it and will let it go if he just waits long enough. Don't waste energy on a long discussion. Be very clear.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 January 2013):
 I had a dog I adopted as a puppy. she was our second dog and I loved her. Till she bit my kid. I had her put down the next day.
I love dogs.. .but not if they have bad temperament.
I would personally give my husband a choice here...
either the dog goes to the shelter and is put down (they wont' adopt out a dog that has attacked previously) or you and your child move out till the dog dies.
RISKING YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY over A DOG is not worth it and any HUMAN that puts a dog above any child and more so their OWN child.... is not entitled to have a family. He refuses to keep his child safe..
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 January 2013):
You wouldn’t be doing it to be horrible or to spite your husband. Dogs are wonderful creatures, they can make for some of the best friends a person could ask for. That makes your husband’s lack of willingness to discuss this very understandable and his predicament one with which I have considerable sympathy as some-one who’s had dogs most of my life. Sadly though not all of them are suitable especially for an environment in which there are small children. This creature may have had a brutal start to life and not be used to being around people, especially small kids. Your daughter didn’t need stitches this time but what happens next time? Small kids do things to animals without realising it’s upsetting them: they can be heavy-handed, they pull their tails, take their toys etc. If this dog’s got a tendency to snap, anything like that could have serious consequences. Unfortunately small children can sometimes be mistaken for toys because of their size. Clearly this animal presents a danger to your daughter and it is irresponsible of your husband not to face up to this, however sad he is about getting rid of a dog he’s clearly extremely fond of. I can’t say how he’d react if you went ahead on your own and had the dog rehomed, but at the end of the day you know this dog and therefore know best how much of a risk it presents to everyone and whether that can be managed safely. It may come down to protecting your child and putting up with your husband’s bad reaction if necessary. No easy answer to this.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 I don't know, but I know you would be a horrible mother if you didn't !
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