A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know this may be looking like a sort of what if situation that I am having thirty years later, but this is not the case. Trust me. I have been thinking about her every single day and night for the last two to three decades and I know that I can't ever get her because she died in a car crash when we were only sixteen. But I was in love with her since I was thirteen and still am today. I have not shaved once since her death and have had a full grown beard for thirty years and still look at her picture in the year book every week. I have no wife, never dated, although I have one son. He was born only a little less than a year after her death, making him thirty as well. The last couple years he has bee trying to get me in therapy and helping me out with my thing. He says that he thinks it is time for me to try somebody else but I am not sure yet since so much time has passed I don't even think it will be worth it anymore. Do you have any advice for this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do have a relationship now, but the problem is that she is only half my age and I am scared that eventually this will break us off. I have told her the truth of the dead girl, but at the same time, I don't know if she quite understands it
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the long wait, just wanting to give an update.
There hasn't been too much of a difference, but I am getting my first therapy session tomorrow. Don't really know how it will be, but I guess that this will be not so bad once it starts.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (16 August 2016):
I think its a very good idea, and i'm sure people will like to hear about your progress.
I am happy and proud of you:)
Keep going, one thing at a time :)
Wish you the very best :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I will update my situation every couple weeks or so. How do you think it will be best to do this
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am doing my best to do this. I tried to write a goodbye letter but can't really do it. But the fact that I tried is the most I have done. My son and I have talked again and he is mentioning some women he goes to work with that I might go with. I have also started to get into Netflix as a hobby to help and writing a little bit as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have done a little bit of progress. I shaved the beard enough to where it is only on my face and not like hanging over or anything like that. Got it to be small enough to where I can realistically get rid of it with a razor and shaving cream.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): I agree with youcannotbeserious. You really must shave off the beard (or at least give it a very substantial trim) and start to rebuild your life. I don't think it's healthy to look at a photo every week or to think about her every day. Maybe when you realise you're thinking about her try to distract yourself and think of something else. Of course you'll never forget her but after so many years that level of grief is not normal. You should seek help from a professional therapist and start to open yourself up to meeting someone new. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 You poor soul. How dreadful that, in 30 years, you didn't get help to leave your past behind and move on with your life. You have effectively put your life on hold. I get the impression you think it is in some way romantic or strong. It's not though. Surely you must see that?
Your son sounds like he loves you and cares for you. Don't push him away. Let him help you start to rebuild your life.
Step 1: cut off that beard.
I would love to get an update at some time to let us know how you have got on.
It is NEVER too late. You have wasted 30 years. Don't waste another minute. Your girlfriend would not have wanted your life to cease when hers tragically did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso thank you who have taken the time to answer
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, you guys were asking how I had the son. It was from a one night stand that I had a few months after the event. Ever since about four years old, I had to provide from him all alone. The last five years or sothough I have been having to work at home due to knee problems I have gotten recently
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 August 2016):
Let me be blunt with you...Yes the truth will hurt...but good sir.... you are in serious need of it.
What are you in love with?? A memory...nothing more, nothing less. You could go to therapy from now until the cows come home, and you would still be in love with a memory...As real as remembering what you had for dinner last night.
You put your life on hold for a memory...when you could have gone on with your life and have so much more and many new, good, wholesome, beautiful memories now. Your wedding day, honeymoon, birth of your kids, and soon grand kids....and for what? A memory.
You take her photo and stared at it so long, that life has left you right there...in the past...why? Because life has rules...don't use it, then you lose it.
I still remember my first love...but I did not put my life on hold because I remember how much I love her back then.
Life has two most important rules and two important rules only....RIGHT and WRONG.
Live your life right, and what a wonderful world it could be. Live your life wrong...Well...guess you see what that cost you...about 30 years...wasted.
Here is the worst part...With all that holding on to the past...Has it brought her back? Has it left you feeling fulfilled in every part of your life? Has it left you feeling so loved by her? When is your wedding day for this person you have held on to so long? What joy has it brought you? Does she keep you company in bed at night, as she holds you close, and whispers in your ear that she loves you? NOPE...Nothing but wishful thinking.
Not to late my man...you still have a shot at true and real love, with a real woman.
Fact...Most first time love do not last. So if she was alive...truth is..you may not even be together anyway. You held on to the love of "what if". What if she was alive...things could be...
One problem there...Life does not play by your rules, your ideas, your feelings and wants. WE are just along for the ride. The choices we make, Right or Wrong...will decide how ruff and bumpy, or how smooth, that ride will be.
Time to leave the past where it should have been left 30 years ago...in the past. Be thankful for ever meeting such and amazing person...but there are millions more still wait for you to meet them.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame +, writes (10 August 2016):
I agree with Aunty Bimbim.We need more information. But I also suggest you listen to your son and seek therapy. It might be good for you. :)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 We need more information if we are going to be able to fully comprehend your situation, and suggest different ways of dealing with it.
If you have never dated, nor had a wife, where did your son come from?
Who raised him, you would have been only 17, or 18 when he was born, who supported him, fed him, clothed him and paid his education fees?
What sort of employment do you have that you are able to wear a 30 year beard?
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